Lake Shainfil, called the Empire’s finest attraction, was so vast it could almost be considered a sea.

The reason Lake Shainfil was famous was because of the Northern Light Festival held there every year to see the lights that adorned the night. However, since it was neither nighttime nor the festival period, there weren’t many people at the lake.

But Lake Shainfil was also a place frequently visited by nobles for walks or picnics. Not just the lake itself, but the landscaping around it was exceptionally beautiful. Lovers would come here to take rowboats and spend intimate time together.

Hess walked to the western side of the lake to ride one of those rowboats. The boat keeper found it suspicious that a woman without proper attire and no companion wanted to take a rowboat alone, but soon accepted money and helped Hess onto a white rowboat with peeling paint.

Hess worked her hands, already stiff from the cold, to row the oars diligently. She had once dreamed of riding a white rowboat to see the beautiful lake.

“I’ve fulfilled my dream after all.”

Hess burst into a small laugh, suddenly finding her situation amusing. Even with her slight sneer, white breath spread busily and dispersed into the air.

The capital of Lapelsion was in the north of the Empire, so it wasn’t an empire where seasons were particularly pronounced. But the snowy winter day was actually a bit warmer than other times, as the snow cover prevented temperatures from dropping.

However, no matter how cozy it might be, the lake in winter Lapelsion was terribly cold.

Hess felt the sensation in her hands gradually disappearing. When she thought she had come far enough into the center of the lake, she finally let go of the oars.

After quietly watching the oars slip into the deep part of the lake, Hess soon took out a sharp stone she had brought in her skirt pocket.

Then, after taking a small deep breath, she raised her hand holding the stone high and roughly struck the wooden board. Nothing happened with one strike. But Hess didn’t give up and continued striking the board with the stone.

Someone’s shout was heard from far away. It sounded like people who had spotted her were yelling something. But Hess’s hand didn’t stop.

Bl＊＊d flowed down her palm, soaking the wooden board. Her worn linen-colored dress was also stained with bl＊＊d. But even so, Hess didn’t stop her actions.

Finally, water began to fill through the small hole created in the board. Only then did Hess drop the stone from her hand.

“Haa, haa……”

Despite the biting wind, beads of sweat formed on her forehead.

Hess then lay down in the rowboat and looked up at the sky. The weather was cloudy so the sun wasn’t visible, but thinking it was the end made even that seem quite picturesque.

Feeling her dress getting damp, she suddenly recalled her childhood.

‘I think I looked up at the sky like this before.’

Just like now, lying completely flat on the ground and looking straight up at the sky, she remembered thinking it was quite a beautiful scene.

‘I think I was with someone then.’

Hess soon gave up trying to remember. Now that she was about to die, it felt like her life was flashing before her eyes, just as she’d heard described.

Now I’m dying. Here, I’m dying.

Water began to reach around her ears. The water was rising slower than expected. It seemed the hole was too small.

She thought about making the hole bigger but soon gave up. Her body had lost strength and she couldn’t do any more.

Hess’s teeth chattered. Even though she was dying, she was still alive, so her entire body screamed in pain from the terrible cold.

Then suddenly, she began to feel truly frightened, beyond belief. If I die here. Then what? Will I really die into darkness? Will death free me from pain? Can I really die? What if I fail?

Can I never, not even once, just once, be happy?

Hess hastily sat up. The boat tilted and wobbled, and then water began to rush in quickly.

Consumed by fear, Hess looked around the boat, but the oars she had let go were long gone.

Hess didn’t know how to swim, and Lake Shainfil was truly wide and deep. There wasn’t even anyone riding a rowboat nearby.

As the boat completely sank, Hess immediately plunged into the lake.

“Help me! Please, help……”

The instinctive plea for help stopped as water began to fill her lungs. The freezing water, piercing every joint in her body, sloshed against the skin of the flailing Hess.

Her lips, fingertips, and toes turned bluish-black, and Hess felt herself gradually losing consciousness. Her face, barely kept above the water’s surface, slowly sank. Strength began to leave her struggling body.

Only at the very end did Hess realize. She didn’t want to die. She just wanted to live a little, if things could be even slightly better. Not like this, she hoped.

‘Not like this, but……’

As all strength left her body, Hess’s resigned form went limp and sank completely. Her breath was cut off, and her eyes began to close. Her vision blurred.

Something kept rippling, looking like light on the water’s surface, or perhaps a person’s movement. It seemed like death was visible before her eyes.

Maybe it’s God.

With that thought, Hess lost consciousness, feeling some strong force pulling her.

※※※

What is a home? That was a question that had constantly appeared in Hess’s mind since she was old enough to think.

Home. A shelter necessary for living. A sanctuary. Or a place to sleep. Home usually meant such a place.

If judged by the latter criteria, Hess always had a home. At birth, in her unknown birth mother’s house; as a child, in the orphanage; as she grew up, in the attic room of the Rainweed house—Hess was always somewhere.

But if asked whether those places were truly homes to Hess, she couldn’t answer. She thought a home should normally be a bit warmer, a bit more comfortable, a place one would want to return to.

If that’s what a home was, Hess had no home. Especially during the time she lived in the orphanage.

In some orphanages, the appearance or personality of children could be useful in itself. At least that’s what Duke, the director of Oakwood Orphanage, and his son Gale, the deputy director, thought about the orphanage children.

A face that could receive affection from nobles, the ability to read situations. Things like that, for example. For an orphanage operated on donations from wealthy nobles, the nobles’ preferences were an important operational standard.

That’s why Oakwood Orphanage was busy with grooming every morning. The director’s reason was that they never knew when or at what timing the nobles might visit.

When the children opened their eyes at dawn, they had to complete all preparations before 7 o’clock when Gale would enter the room to check their condition.

Though slightly older, the still-young children would first bathe and dress the babies. Then it was their turn to wash.

The only bathroom that children could use in the orphanage was at the eastern end of the second floor, and all fifty-two children had to wash their faces and brush their teeth before 7 o’clock. Because of this, if one passed by the orphanage in the morning, one could see a long line of sleepy children stretching along the second-floor corridor.

Hess was one of those children. Having entered almost from birth and grown up in the orphanage for seven years, Hess could be called somewhat of a veteran despite her young age.

Water at the orphanage was always scarce, so children who came late couldn’t wash and had to either wipe their faces with spit or do nothing at all.

Hess could quickly grasp adults’ moods, but she wasn’t particularly quick in her actions, so it was routine for her to be unable to wash because no water came out by her turn. Hess’s face always had traces of grime and soot.

Her dry, brittle hair was like a broom, and her skinny body that wouldn’t gain weight no matter how much she ate also had something about it that evoked pity.

Hess had a rather unique and eye-catching face among the children, but for these reasons, her advantages were completely obscured, making her look gloomy.

Moreover, the frail Hess often fell ill. That wasn’t exactly a pleasant thing at the orphanage. So, in a word, Hess was somehow precious yet worthless—an unwanted burden.