<Chapter 3> If Only My Heart Could Be Washed Away by the Rain (Part 1)

Agaphel Castle was bustling with preparations for the engagement ceremony. It was because Kiern was in a hurry to get engaged. Elizabeth thought that was his answer. Her heart, which hadn’t even soared to the sky, fell to the ground and was trampled upon. The sweet kiss turned into a cruel memory that tormented Elizabeth.

He treated her carelessly, like kicking a passing stone. The thought of being used, and the contempt she felt, made Elizabeth miserable. Not wanting to stay at Agaphel Castle any longer, she spoke to Stella.

“Mom, shall we move? Since you said the Kingdom of Brittany was nice back then, we might as well cross the border.”

“What nonsense are you talking about? Where would we go, leaving a perfectly good house?”

Stella frowned as if she had heard something absurd. Seeing her naturally call Agaphel Castle home made Elizabeth feel bitter. She too had lived thinking of it that way, but it was no longer possible. Elizabeth calmly expressed her thoughts.

“Anyway, this isn’t our home. No matter how much the Duke accommodates us, it feels too shameless.”

At Elizabeth’s words, Stella’s eyes widened.

“Why is it shameless? Do you think we’re staying here for free? Don’t worry. We’re paying a fair price to stay here.”

“That’s not what I mean. I just don’t want to stay here anymore.”

Stella stopped what she was doing and held Elizabeth’s hands.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“…….”

“Is it something related to Young Master Kiern?”

Elizabeth raised her head at Stella’s pointed question. Stella’s face brightened.

“I knew it! Something happened between you two, didn’t it?”

“No, Mom. Don’t say such things. He’s about to get engaged.”

“But he’s not engaged yet. Why are you giving up so soon?”

Stella started chattering as if she had heard a very interesting story.

“I thought you were naive, but you have high standards. So, did you kiss Kiern at the ball?”

Elizabeth couldn’t answer, having been caught off guard, and Stella exclaimed.

“Oh my, Ellie! My wonderful daughter.”

Then she hugged Elizabeth tightly. Elizabeth couldn’t understand Stella’s reaction at all. It felt like something was off. She hadn’t said anything, yet Stella was certain something had happened with Kiern at the ball.

‘Stella said you came here to find a lover.’

Remembering what Kiern had said at the ball, Elizabeth spoke.

“Mom, did you bring Kiern to the ball? He wasn’t supposed to come to such a place.”

“Bring him? I just told him where you went when he asked. He was the one who rushed over with red eyes, so don’t blame me.”

Stella made an embarrassed face but calmly explained. Seeing Elizabeth’s doubtful look, Stella continued.

“Anyway, since you’ve been out of it since you came back from the ball, I guessed something happened with Kiern.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Of course not. But Kiern, I didn’t expect him to be so cruel. Kissing you and then proceeding with the engagement.”

“That was just a mistake…….”

“Did he say it was a mistake? You didn’t just accept that, did you, Ellie?”

Stella’s eyes turned sharp. Elizabeth stood there blankly, and Stella spoke.

“Tell him to take responsibility. Tell him he absolutely cannot get engaged.”

“……What right do I have to do that?”

Anyway, Kiern doesn’t like me.

It was clear that he kissed her that day, caught up in the mood. Since then, Kiern hadn’t mentioned that day at all.

Seeing Elizabeth’s face darken, Stella spoke. She meant it to comfort her, but the words were somehow suspicious.

“Be strong. There’s still a chance. I don’t want my daughter to end up as a mistress.”

“What do you mean, Mom?”

Startled by the word ‘mistress,’ Elizabeth looked at Stella. She rolled her eyes, realizing her mistake.

“I was so agitated that I misspoke. I mean, I can’t let my daughter live as a mistress!”

“That won’t happen. That’s a bad thing.”

“It’s not necessarily…….”

“Huh? What did you say, Mom?”

“Nothing. Oh dear, look at me. I was supposed to deliver this quickly.”

Stella clapped her hands, grabbed the basket of towels she hadn’t finished folding, and hurriedly left the room.

Elizabeth stared blankly in the direction Stella disappeared. Suddenly, she remembered what Kiern had said about the scandal between Stella and the Duke.

‘It was too lowly a rumor for naive Ellie to hear, wasn’t it?’

Why does that come to mind now?

Feeling uneasy, Elizabeth clasped her hands tightly. But even that reminded her of Kiern, so she shook her head vigorously to clear her thoughts.

* * *

By the weekend afternoon, Elizabeth felt completely drained. Kiern had left the castle in the afternoon. Knowing he went to Prairie Castle, Elizabeth found it hard to compose herself.

By now, he would be watching an opera with Abigail.

Thinking about it brought back memories of the kiss. His indifferent face, which had been so different from her excited self, came to mind, making her vision blur again.

Even the sky seemed to know her feelings, as it was overcast with clouds, looking like it would rain.

The sky, which had been a bright blue just yesterday.

Elizabeth stood in the garden for a long time, wishing the sky would cry for her instead.

How long had she been standing there? Suddenly, a drop of water fell on her cheek. Looking up, she saw the raindrops gradually getting heavier.

Rain poured relentlessly from the suddenly darkened sky, as if trying to fulfill Elizabeth’s wish.

Thinking it was a passing shower, she took shelter under the shade of a large tree. The ground beneath the tree was dry, as if it wasn’t raining. The leaves were so dense that even the heavy raindrops couldn’t penetrate.

Leaning against the tree, Elizabeth sighed. She looked pathetic, hiding under the tree, soaked by the rain.

She felt more than miserable, she felt pathetic. She had gotten excited on her own, only to be rejected, yet she was acting like someone who had been heartbroken.

Even though nothing had started. She didn’t know why her heart ached as if they had been in a relationship.

The rain continued to fall. Seeing no sign of it stopping, Elizabeth decided to just walk back in the rain.

She was already wet, so getting wetter wouldn’t change anything.

She wished the rain could wash away her feelings.

Having made up her mind, Elizabeth grabbed her dress and started running. Running wouldn’t avoid the rain, but she ran and ran.

Breathing heavily, she finally reached the lobby, only to unfortunately run into Kiern, who had returned with Abigail.

Elizabeth froze like a statue, staring at the two of them. She had run into the last two people she wanted to see at this moment.

Abigail seemed surprised at Elizabeth’s drenched appearance. Kiern, standing beside her, looked at Elizabeth with indifference.

His gaze swept from her wet hair to her soaked clothes. Feeling n*ked under his scrutiny, Elizabeth turned around without greeting them.

“Oh my, Lady Lua. You seem to have gotten caught in the rain.”

But Abigail spoke to her at the same time, making it impossible for her to hide. As Elizabeth stood still with her back turned, Abigail approached.

A puddle formed around Elizabeth. It was rainwater from her drenched clothes. Abigail looked between the floor and Elizabeth and spoke.

“It’s as if the sky has a hole in it, with the rain pouring down suddenly. You must not have had an umbrella. You might catch a cold.”

Then she pulled out a handkerchief from her reticule and offered it. Elizabeth’s gaze fell on the handkerchief.

It was Kiern’s. Wondering why Abigail had his handkerchief, she looked at her with a puzzled expression, and Abigail added,

“Oh, my mind is elsewhere. Use this instead.”

Then she naturally switched to another handkerchief and handed it to her. At that moment, Elizabeth felt something knot inside her.

Kiern wasn’t someone who gave his belongings to others. He was possessive about his things and rarely allowed others to use them.

Why did Abigail have his handkerchief? And why was Kiern standing by, knowing this?

Elizabeth didn’t want to accept the conclusion that “Abigail is his, so it’s okay.” But she couldn’t find another reason.

Elizabeth began to resent Abigail. Who wanted charity-like kindness? It would have been more helpful if she had just let her go.

Forcing a smile, Elizabeth thanked her.

“Thank you.”

Then she turned to leave, but something was draped over her shoulders. The familiar scent of earth and cypress mixed with the rain brushed her nose.

She hated Kiern for being so casually kind after rejecting her heart. Elizabeth shrugged off the coat and spoke to him.

“I’m going to change anyway, so there’s no need to dirty your clothes too.”

“Wear it. It’ll be laundered anyway.”

Kiern spoke as he glanced over her soaked hair and clothes. She felt strange wherever his blue eyes landed.

“Don’t be stubborn. Unless you want to walk around with everything showing.”

At those words, Elizabeth felt her face flush. Realizing belatedly that she was wearing a thin indoor dress, now soaked and revealing her undergarments, she couldn’t refuse any further.

“Thank you.”

Elizabeth muttered softly as she wrapped the coat around herself and quickly left the spot.

Behind her, Abigail’s voice, lightly admiring, said, 

“Sir Kiern, you’re so kind. I didn’t think of that.”

Kiern said something in response, but she couldn’t hear it well. Her footsteps drowned out the sound.

She just wanted to escape from the two of them. Elizabeth ran and ran, ignoring the servants’ concerned inquiries, and rushed to her room.

Recalling the look in Abigail’s eyes when Kiern offered his coat made her body tremble. It felt as if those eyes were blaming her. Or perhaps she was frightened by the fact that she had kissed him and was imagining it that way.

Whatever it was, Elizabeth felt guilty. 

Why did he show such kindness to me in front of Abigail? 

She pitied Abigail, who praised Kiern without knowing anything.

Why did he make me feel like a sinner?

Why did he keep giving me hope, only to crush it without hesitation?

Everywhere Elizabeth ran, wet footprints were left behind. Her clinging dress felt like it was strangling her tightly.

No matter how much she tried to shake it off, it clung stubbornly, just like her. She felt like that was what she was to Kiern.