While I chewed the soft flesh inside my innocent mouth, Christopher emerged from behind him with an expression that said he couldn’t take it anymore. Christopher wasn’t short either, but standing next to Ernst, he looked like a man of average build.

“I’m going, going. Well then, take care, Miss Hallen.”

“Get out quickly.”

“Yes, yes.”

Christopher pouted his lips and stormed out with a fed-up expression. 

Bang—the sound of the door closing stopped, and an awkward silence lingered. I unconsciously avoided his persistent gaze and lowered my eyes.

“What’s the matter?”

It was his usual indifferent tone. At the voice that changed as clearly as flipping a palm, I exhaled the breath I’d been holding, though still tense.

“You don’t usually come to me first.”

If that calmly tossed remark sounded tinged with disappointment, that must be my imagination.

Ernst walked ahead and opened the office door.

“Come in.”

It had been over a month. During that time, I’d never once invaded his space.

I’d thought about snooping around his office to dig into his background, but I’d never succeeded. 

My attempts to intrude while Ernst was out repeatedly failed in front of the firmly locked door. That’s why it felt awkward.

“Sit there.”

He gestured toward the sofa with his chin. I followed him in hesitantly and obediently sat down, moving my head slightly to take in his office.

One wall of the interior, larger than I’d expected, was occupied by a bookshelf packed with books, while another side held a fireplace. 

Directly facing the door was a wide window and a large desk that boasted a heavy presence. I was sitting on one of the sofas arranged around a rather low rectangular table in the center.

“Here.”

Ernst sat across from me and set something down in front of me along with a teacup. I lowered my head casually.

But when I confirmed what it was, I couldn’t help but widen my eyes.

“Ah…”

“Your voice is really hard to hear.”

The surprise in my voice meant nothing to him.

Of course it wouldn’t. He already knew everything.

Regardless of my reaction, Ernst brought up the main point with his usual calm expression and tone.

“Write what you want. I have no idea what you’re trying to say this time.”

I can’t give you choices you can answer with a nod. Even without him saying it aloud, I could easily infer the omitted words.

My head throbbed like I’d been hit with a heavy chunk of metal. It took some time to organize my confused mind, suddenly confronted with this situation.

I looked back on the man’s attitude until now. Right. He’d never asked questions that required me to produce my voice. He’d known all along. 

Even when I always responded to his questions with silence or shaking my head, the man never found fault.

Had my brother told him this too? No, no. Anyone who investigated my surroundings, the people of Sale even a little, could have known. 

The fact that I’d become my brother’s burden because I couldn’t speak was already widely rumored. Why didn’t I think that far?

My mood suddenly hit rock bottom. Inferiority, misery, and emotions I couldn’t name assaulted me chaotically. A storm raged in my heart. I pressed my lips tight and glared at the paper and pen before me.

“Don’t like it? Should I give you a more expensive one?”

Lightly rising, he brought a new pen and held it out to me.

“This is the best one.”

A black pen decorated with a gold border caught my gaze. Ridiculously, even in this situation, I thought it looked quite stylish.

Keenly noticing that the d*mn pen had stolen my attention, Ernst readily offered.

“You seem to like it.”

“……”

“Take it. It’s a gift.”

“……”

“It’s a fountain pen, so keep it well.”

The fountain pen slipped into my hand clenched in a fist on my thigh. He was already back in his seat.

“Now write. I won’t know unless you tell me.”

Instead of following his words, I clenched both fists tight. I knew they weren’t completely hidden under the table, but I couldn’t help it.

Ernst tilted his head slightly to the side.

“What’s the problem? You just need to state your business now.”

Does he really not know? Seeing his innocent face, seemingly genuinely clueless, my twisted heart cried out again.

Until now, those who noticed my weakness showed exactly two reactions. Either pity or contempt. 

In their eyes, I was an infinitely weak person who became either an object of self-consolation through shallow compassion, or an object that could be trampled to death as an outlet for anger—one or the other.

This reaction was unfamiliar.

“Ah, is it uncomfortable? The fact that I know?”

My brow furrowed involuntarily. Ernst shrugged, unconcerned.

“What’s the big deal? There’s no problem with communication at all.”

“……”

“And soon you’ll be able to speak.”

A fierce fire blazed in my eyes. I bit down hard on my molars until my jaw ached.

A face like a blank canvas. A harmless spear coated with innocence butchered my heart. My heart creaked like it would collapse any moment at his careless tongue.

What does he think he knows? What!

It was a reckless assertion that turned me and Lucas, who’d suffered for years, into fools in an instant. The surging emotion finally escaped my grasp.

Meeting eyes brimming with youthful malice head-on, Ernst moved his lips again. The blade from those bewitching lips sliced sharply through my chest.

“You know your illness depends on your will, right? Plus, with the misfortune piled on this time, it’s no wonder your condition worsened.”

Go on, continue. Blood came from inside my mouth.

“Living in a quiet place away from town will calm your mind. Then you can return to how you were before. After that, you can do what you want. That’s what I exist for.”

I swallowed the fishy taste. Ernst remained calm.

“I don’t care if you stay like this forever. Because I’m here.”

I threw the fountain pen I’d been holding to the floor. He showed no sign of surprise. He just stared at me, seemingly boring into my eyes.

“I think I said this when we first met. That I’m someone who will take care of you.”

“……”

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of in front of me.”

I ran out right then. I’d even forgotten what I’d originally come to say.

Bang—the sound of the door closing stung my eardrums. I ran, leaving the blazing anger intact. The cool wind struck my cheeks painfully.

It was the first time. The first time I’d left this small mansion on my own feet. With my relentless steps, dirt crumbled and dry leaves crumbled. I just kept running endlessly toward the blurring ahead, not knowing where.

“Huff, huff.”

Then I stopped. The rough breath rising to my chin was agonizing, but less so than my wounded heart. The path I’d passed was still quiet, and only I was here. The fact that my heated breathing was the only noise meant just one thing.

Ernst had abandoned me even at this moment. He’d scattered such sweet words with his mouth, saying he was for me, for me, but in the end it was all hypocrisy.

Since I lost my ability to speak, I’d holed up at home. That was the only way to soothe my heart scratched by all kinds of insults. Though I’d been hurt and sad from petty harassment, I’d never felt this much shame and humiliation like today. 

Why?

The way he casually pointed out my vulnerable parts, his attitude asserting I’d soon return to normal, was so calm. That’s why blood rushed to my face. 

I felt miserably wretched for no reason at those unwavering, calm blue eyes. He hadn’t even insulted me. Why?

Ah, now I see—his emphasis on “only until I can be independent,” that too was all because he knew I couldn’t speak. Because he thought I wouldn’t be able to live on my own no matter how much money he gave me.

Buried for a long time in the storm of clamoring emotions, I suddenly laughed. I giggled for a while. Then I realized. There was an even more ridiculous fact.

I was still bothered by the empty view ahead.

I drew up both legs on a large nearby rock, wrapped my arms around my legs, and buried my head. Darkness immediately rushed in and hid my messed-up vision.

When did it start? When did I give that man an opening? 

It was dangerous. A bad sign. The moment my heart gets mortgaged this way, and the moment the other person learns of it, I’ll fall again. Once is enough for horrific memories. I repeated it endlessly.

When the sound of my wildly beating heart completely stopped, I raised my head. Fortunately, it was before complete darkness arrived. Had I come too deep without knowing the way?

It was needless worry. Sections with unusually wide gaps connected like stepping stones, like the tall trees were making way for me. Even while out of my mind, I’d unknowingly followed the wide path here.

A deflated laugh suddenly escaped. But only briefly. I trudged back along the path I’d scattered. Because that house was the only place I could lay my body now.

* * *

I didn’t see Ernst again that day. Because I went straight up to the second-floor room, and he didn’t look for me either. The air that greeted me as soon as I opened the door was cool, and my eyes sank coldly.

I didn’t deliberately avoid or seek out Ernst afterward. We’d rarely encountered each other anyway, so it wasn’t difficult. However, I tried to track his movements. While looking out the window, if his guests came, I’d secretly go down and listen.

Visitors could be counted on one hand, and Christopher was the most frequent guest among them. Since he seemed to have something to say to me before, I hovered around when he was finishing his business, but it repeatedly failed because of Ernst. 

He blocked conversations between Christopher and me like a ghost, seemingly secretly monitoring.

In the end, I, positioned at the bottom of the food chain, surrendered.