Probably after that day when he last met Janet as Nel. It seemed to be during those months when she had apparently traveled abroad leisurely after committing arson.

The one enthusiastically explaining his country’s culture to her was Theo Randipel.

The man, with a happy smile spread across his face, had his gaze fixed on Janet. Clear excitement could be felt from his face.

Rihanel stared at that face with a hardened expression.

He wanted to check what expression Janet was making, but he couldn’t bring himself to turn his head.

Afraid she might be smiling.

During that darkest time in Rihanel’s life, when he had waited for Janet without knowing she was the one who had gifted him that darkness.

Afraid she might be smiling happily.

The memory ended, frustratingly brief.

When he opened his eyes again, he saw the sleeping Janet Wilton.

Only then did he realize that seeing the bright red flowing blood hadn’t made him feel nauseated.

Rihanel turned his back to her and lay down, closing his eyes.

It seems this terrible insomnia that began that day would follow him for the rest of his life.

⟨Fire!⟩

The day Philodis Cathedral burned down.

That memory vividly replayed in Rihanel’s mind.

***

“Nel, wake up!”

Nel awoke to loud noises and someone shaking him roughly.

Loof, who had been at the orphanage with him, was looking down at him with an expression as if he’d seen a ghost. His expression was so serious that Nel got up immediately without even thinking of complaining about being woken.

“What’s happening?”

“Th-the cathedral is on fire!”

“What?”

Nel hurriedly got out of bed and ran to the window. In the distance, fierce flames and black smoke were rising furiously from the cathedral.

After checking the room and corridor, fortunately, the orphanage building seemed safe. Just in case, while leading everyone outside the orphanage, Rihanel asked Loof,

“Why did the cathedral catch fire?”

“I don’t know. I just woke up and saw it like that……”

Judging by how much of the building had burned, it must have been burning for quite some time, though he didn’t know when the fire had started. Even if the exterior was made of fire-resistant materials, it wouldn’t have reached this state if they had extinguished it quickly.

Everyone was coming outside in confusion, all apparently having just encountered this bewildering situation.

Even with the large playground between them, it was hard to understand how no one had noticed until it had burned this much.

But now was not the time to question why.

Without further hesitation, Nel fetched water and ran to the cathedral.

A few people also came running from the priests’ dormitory located a bit further away. The nuns were busy too, dividing tasks between keeping the children safe and fetching water.

But even with water being splashed generously, the flames wouldn’t easily subside. Being deep in the night and with the cathedral located somewhat away from ordinary houses, it was difficult to request help.

A few residents awakened by the commotion came running to help, but it was still not enough.

How small was the amount of water they could carry compared to those massive flames. It seemed like splashing water like this would be of no use. Feeling powerless, and then feeling powerless again, Nel exerted all his strength.

But in the end, the flames only stopped when there was nothing left to burn.

“……”

Everyone stared desolately at the place where the cathedral had been. Even in the pitch-black dawn, they could see black ashes flying everywhere.

The cathedral, which had been full of vitality with daily visitors from the neighborhood and sponsors from the capital, had now become a miserable ruin.

Some began to sob. It was probably because the place that had been like a foundation for their hearts had disappeared, but perhaps it was also because they sensed the misfortune to come.

“Where is Father Lapel?”

Someone asked. Nel looked around casually, intending to point and say, “He’s over there.”

But the head priest, Lapel, was nowhere to be seen.

Come to think of it, he hadn’t seen him even once while putting out the fire.

“He’s not in the dormitory either. Check the storage shed!”

He wasn’t at the orphanage, the priests’ dormitory, the storage shed, or anywhere on this wide playground. Father Lapel was nowhere to be found.

Where could he be in this dangerous situation? Could he have gone out briefly? Did he say he would leave the cathedral for a few days for exchanges with other cathedrals?

Even while knowing it wasn’t true, these hypotheses filled his mind, a reflexive attempt to hide his anxious feelings.

“Surely… it can’t be?”

Someone’s anxious voice was followed by silence.

It couldn’t be. Even misfortune has its limits; God wouldn’t be that unfair. The burned cathedral was already overflowing misfortune, and the priest too? That really couldn’t be. It couldn’t…

Even while thinking it couldn’t be, everyone unconsciously looked at the cathedral.

That place, now blackened and reduced to mere traces.

The priests and Nel ran to the cathedral, no one leading the way. With candles in their hands, they frantically sifted through the black ashes. The thick ash and unfamiliar burnt smell stung their noses terribly.

And then.

“It’s Father Lapel’s… I saw him wearing it before going to sleep……”

Someone picked up Father Lapel’s necklace and spoke with a trembling voice. Nearby was a piece of clothing that hadn’t completely burned.

It was the clothes the priest had worn today.

Nel’s heart sank. His head felt dizzy and muffled, as if filled with hazy fog.

He couldn’t believe it.

The incident was quickly concluded as suicide.

The oil drums stacked in the storage shed near the cathedral.

Sleeping pills that wouldn’t wake anyone to the sound of a building burning.

It was revealed that the priest himself had purchased these things a few days ago.

Circumstantially, suicide was the most reasonable conclusion, and with everyone hushing it up, no further investigation took place.

Whether the priest was the type to commit suicide or not, his motives or psychology—these weren’t important.

And equally unimportant was what would happen to the things he left behind after this incident.

Lapel loved children enough to create this orphanage himself. Everyone liked him for his warm heart and dignity.

But even with the death of this precious priest, the children couldn’t remain immersed in grief.

A priest who had directly ended the life given by God.

That sentence affected not only the priest himself.

It remained like a stigma on everything he left behind. Among them, the place where the priest’s name cast the longest shadow was Philodis Cathedral, to which he had devoted his entire life.

When the cathedral disappeared, people naturally stopped coming here. Despite it having been the largest cathedral in the area, warranting reconstruction, no such talk emerged.

This was because not only those who attended the cathedral but also those who had sponsored the orphanage all cut off their support.

How ominous that the head priest had taken his own life. What had the children growing up there seen, and what would their future be like? And those who sponsored such a place? How would they be viewed by society?

Without exception, all support was cut off in an instant.

The priests and nuns had to scatter to other cathedrals. The same was true for the children in the orphanage.

The priests and nuns ran around trying to connect the children to orphanages across the region, but some couldn’t receive this benefit and had to find places to entrust themselves on their own.

Fortunately, every child found somewhere to go.

Except for Nel.

Younger children were more easily placed. However, Rihanel’s age was at the limit of what orphanages would accept, so he was rejected everywhere.

It was fine.

He was currently working at a general store. Though not a large sum, it should be enough to feed himself.

It didn’t take long to realize this was also a hopeful thought.

“Hey, get out of here, you bad luck!”

He went to the general store for work but couldn’t even enter. He was turned away right at the entrance.

“Why are you doing this? I haven’t done anything wrong, yet you suddenly tell me to quit!”

“Haven’t done anything wrong? You lived in that cathedral and say such things?”

“Why does that……”

“If you were under the care of a priest who committed suicide, wouldn’t you also have incurred God’s wrath!”

Nel felt a surge of anger. Father Lapel had been like a parent to him. It was sad enough that he was no longer in this world, but to be left with the infamy of having incurred God’s wrath? It was bitterly sorrowful.

But he couldn’t just remain immersed in sadness.

Nel quickly sought other work. However, every place that knew he was from Philodis Cathedral’s orphanage rejected him. Even when he hid the truth and worked, he was eventually discovered and expelled.

“Are you trying to ruin someone’s business?”

“Don’t show off that you grew up poor, just get out! Ptui!”

People would hit the back of his head or spit at him, saying his desperate attempts to survive showed how vicious he was.

Not getting paid for his work was commonplace.

Being kicked repeatedly while being told he was being deceived was commonplace.

There was no part of his body that was unharmed, with blue and red bruises covering him all over. Now he had begun to study how to get hit with less pain.

There were people who gave him looks of sympathy, but no one tried to protect, defend, or hire him instead. Their sympathy stopped at just that—sympathy.

Though Nel had lived without any relatives since he was ten, when mental humiliation was added to physical pain, it truly became unbearable.

He spent each day like a weak herbivore. Like prey on the savanna, always tense, never knowing when a predator might come.

He would stare blankly at the world, then startle at the slightest sound.

Not knowing when he might be discovered and chased away, not knowing what form the consequences of his bad luck would take this time.

“Why don’t you just leave this place?”

One of them advised him that way. He was one of the better people. As he said, if Nel left this area and went somewhere where no one recognized him, things would be fine.

But Nel couldn’t do that.

Because he hadn’t met Janet yet.