4.3

After over an hour of constant berating, the Marquis finally dismissed her with the same lack of sincerity as when she had entered. Waving her off with a careless gesture, he told her to leave.  

Grinding her teeth, Larisa forced herself to bow and exited the study. She was proud of herself for not storming out in anger.  

She wished she could head straight back to the townhouse, but the butler stopped her in her tracks.  

“Madam has woken up. Upon hearing that you have arrived, Young Lady…”  

“Fine, I’ll go.”  

It would’ve been better if she could leave without seeing her mother. Larisa felt her headache worsening. But if she fled to the townhouse now, her mother would undoubtedly come to find her. And then she would have to endure hours of complaints and tears, far worse than what awaited her now.  

Her mother’s quarters were on the opposite side of the estate, on a different floor from her father’s study. The mere location of their rooms was enough to show how poor their relationship was.  

“Larisa, my darling. When did you arrive?”  

“Not long ago. Have you been well?”  

“You wretched girl, not even thinking of visiting your mother. You’re just like your father—so cold-hearted…”  

Larisa struggled to suppress the sigh that was rising to her throat.  

Today, her mother’s lament was about her father’s new mistress. It had been suspiciously quiet lately, and now Larisa knew why. As soon as her mother began speaking, tears streamed down her face as she poured out her resentment toward her husband.  

Larisa’s face turned pale as she stared out the window.  

Being in this house was nothing short of hell.  

She was finally released from her mother’s grip shortly before dinnertime. Barely managing to refuse her mother’s insistence to stay for dinner, Larisa boarded the carriage and returned to the townhouse. As soon as she took off her dress, she ran straight to the bathroom.  

“Ugh, ugh…”  

Having eaten almost nothing, only bitter bile came up. Larisa let out a faint, bitter laugh, thinking how abnormal it was to vomit every time she visited her parents.  

Ah, Pavel.  

She missed him.  

She missed the man who claimed to love her, who caressed her gently with his warm hands and gazed at her with tender eyes. She wanted to bury herself in his warmth and think of nothing else.  

“Ha, ha…”  

She had never thought she’d like him. What had started as a casual, playful relationship had somehow turned into something genuine. She never imagined it would come to this.  

And yet, here she was, yearning for him.  

Sitting curled up with her knees hugged tightly to her chest, Larisa buried her head.  

The chill on her back felt piercingly cold.  

***

“Did you hear about it?”  

“Hear about what?”  

“Well, it’s something I just heard recently.”  

The young ladies, who had been chatting away, suddenly exchanged knowing glances and fell silent. All at once, they turned their gazes toward Larisa, who had just entered the ballroom.  

Wearing a pale lemon-colored dress embroidered with silver thread, Larisa looked like the goddess of spring. Normally, the young ladies would have looked at her with envy and admiration, but today, their gazes were different.  

Larisa was not one to miss such subtle shifts in atmosphere.  

“Hello, Dolores, Melissa, Elodie.”  

“Oh my, Larisa. You’re so stunning today, it’s almost blinding.”  

“You flatter me. By the way, what were you all discussing so animatedly?”  

At her question, the three young ladies exchanged glances. It was clear they were debating whether or not they should say anything.  

Larisa smiled even more warmly and asked again.  

“Is it something I shouldn’t hear? Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked…”  

“No, it’s just… Larisa, haven’t you heard?”  

“Heard what?”  

Unable to hold back any longer, Elodie spoke up. Her voice was slightly higher-pitched, perhaps intentionally so.  

“The King has chosen the Duke of Ainsley as the consort for the Crown Princess. You really haven’t heard?”  

Naturally, all eyes in the ballroom turned to Larisa.  

Her grip on her fan tightened. The words she had just heard didn’t immediately register. 

When had this rumor started circulating? Why hadn’t I known?  

Melissa, half-hidden behind her fan, spoke to Larisa, whose smile had frozen in place.  

“This rumor has been going around for a couple of months now. You really didn’t know? Well, perhaps everyone kept it from you. Did the Duke not say anything to you?”  

“The Duke is currently inspecting the borders, Melissa.”  

“Oh, that’s right.”  

Larisa slowly opened her fan to cover her mouth. She had to hide her trembling lips immediately.  

Why hadn’t I known about this?  

Was this why father had called me and told me to end things with Pavel? Was it because, if I was pushed aside by the Crown Princess and abandoned by the Duke of Ainsley, my value would plummet?  

“Pavel… well, he hasn’t mentioned anything.”  

“Well, he might not have. But if it’s a royal decree, the Duke won’t be able to refuse easily. What are you going to do, Larisa?”  

Dolores spoke with a tone of concern, but Larisa could clearly see the mockery in her eyes. For a moment, she felt as if everyone in the ballroom wanted to see her tremble with anxiety and humiliation.  

Larisa straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin. Lowering her fan, she revealed a soft smile and spoke in a voice that betrayed no worry.  

“Thank you for your concern, Dolores. But I’m fine.”  

She let out a light laugh and subtly glanced around the ballroom. No one seemed to look at her with pity.  

In the end, Larisa couldn’t stay in the ballroom for long and had to leave.  

In the carriage on her way back to the townhouse, Larisa bit her nails incessantly. It was a habit that had surfaced in her childhood whenever she felt uneasy.  

Was the royal family truly considering him as the Crown Princess’s consort? If so, there was no way Pavel wouldn’t have known. The fact that he hadn’t mentioned it must mean he planned to refuse.  

Or did he?  

Would he really refuse?  

From the beginning, Larisa and Pavel’s relationship wasn’t an engagement or anything official. It was simply a courtship. A courtship they had agreed would end if Larisa found someone she wanted to marry.  

Perhaps Pavel had been satisfied just by confessing his long-held feelings. Or maybe, having shared intimacy with her, he felt he didn’t need anything more.  

That could explain why, amidst rumors of such a marriage proposal, he hadn’t taken a step closer to her—why he had left her alone in the midst of these swirling rumors and gone to the borders.  

Although Larisa had initially thought of Pavel as a mere plaything, the unsettling thought crossed her mind that perhaps she had been the one treated like a toy all along.  

“No, no, that can’t be. Pavel wouldn’t… he wouldn’t do that…”  

Even as she repeated these words to herself, she couldn’t calm down. 

Could it really be true? 

She wanted to grab Pavel by the collar and demand answers immediately, but he wouldn’t be back for at least another week. Even then, she couldn’t be sure she’d see him right away.  

And then, another fear gripped her.  

What if he truly intended to abandon me and pursue marriage with Crown Princess Alicia?  

What would become of me then?  

She recalled that chilling night when she had first realized her feelings for him. It hadn’t been long since she had hugged herself tightly, whispering his name, overwhelmed by how much she wanted to see him.  

Could I handle the changes in myself, shaped by his kindness and warmth, if he were no longer there?

Larisa’s heart grew cold.  

What would I do? What could I possibly do?  

By the time she arrived at the townhouse and stepped out of the carriage, she couldn’t think any further. All she could focus on was what she would do if Pavel left her.  

Bailey, who had come out to greet her lady, was startled when she saw Larisa’s face.  

“My lady, is something wrong? You look terribly pale.”  

“No, it’s nothing. Quickly, help me out of this dress.”  

Bailey led the maids to assist Larisa into her private quarters. As soon as the dress was removed, Larisa ordered them to fill the bathtub with water. Once it was ready, she dismissed everyone and locked the door.  

Sinking into the warm water, Larisa stared blankly at the ceiling.  

Before long, a bitter laugh escaped her lips.  

‘I shouldn’t have accepted Pavel’s proposal in the first place.’  

If she had done that, she wouldn’t have had to endure such emotional turmoil. She hadn’t realized how agonizing it was to be steeped in someone else’s affection.  

When she closed her eyes, Pavel’s face appeared in her mind. Ever since the day she had revealed her childish insecurities and urged him to laugh, and he had delighted in her jealousy, Pavel had often smiled beautifully for her.  

She had been a fool to think that smile was meant for her alone.  

In truth, she had always dismissed the affection of men as insignificant. Anyone would easily fall for her beauty. Even Pavel, despite being a man like a monk, had quickly moved as she desired under the sway of her seduction.  

But looking back, it was Larisa who had gradually been influenced. She had lain comfortably in the affection he gave her, enjoying it to the extent that she felt she couldn’t live without it anymore.  

“Hah…”  

She scooped water into her hands and splashed her face repeatedly. As she washed her face over and over, her mind slowly began to clear.  

In truth, the answer had already been decided. The best way to avoid being hurt was to inflict the wound first and then run away.  

Afterward, she would return to her original way of life. She would meet men she could enjoy herself with, break up with them when the time came, and eventually marry the man her parents chose for her, just as she had prepared herself for.