4.4

Her chest felt tight, as if something was clogging it. 

Was that truly the life I wanted?  

No, what if I lived alone? Though I might be seen as eccentric, perhaps that would be better…  

“No, no.”  

Larisa shook her head and spoke to herself. She mustn’t think too deeply. Her mind was wandering.

After all, she hadn’t intended to be serious with Pavel. Before anyone could point fingers at her as a woman who had been abandoned, she had to leave him first. Once she did, everything would return to how it was.  

But what about Pavel? 

A voice whispered in her mind. 

What if Pavel got hurt?  

Her own pain felt sharper and more unbearable than the thought of Pavel being hurt. Larisa shook her head vigorously.  

There was a week left until Pavel’s return. In that time, she would sort out her feelings. She could face him calmly and be the first to say goodbye.  

“…?”  

Ripples spread across the water in the tub, one after another. Larisa stared blankly at them before raising her hand to touch her cheek. Tears were falling, dripping steadily.  

Why was I crying? 

Larisa irritably scooped water and splashed it on her face.  

‘Is this something to cry about? It’s something that would’ve happened anyway, just a little sooner. Don’t cry—it’s pathetic.’  

But the tears didn’t stop easily. In the end, she could only sit in the tub until the water had cooled completely.  

***

Far in the distance, the capital’s fortress walls came into view. Pavel’s heart began to beat faster.  

It had been over two months since he had last seen Larisa. There had been no major issues at the border, so the planned inspection had been completed on schedule. He had worried endlessly about what might happen if it were delayed, but thankfully, everything had gone smoothly.  

Though he wanted to ride ahead immediately, he was the commander of the knights. He couldn’t abandon the subordinates following behind him to ride off on his own.  

Elio, his adjutant riding beside him, spoke in a cheerful voice.  

“We’re finally back in the capital. It’s been a long journey, hasn’t it, Commander?”  

“Indeed.”  

“It’s a relief we returned without any trouble. Oh, by the way…”  

Elio drew his horse closer, lowered his voice, and asked,  

“This time, are you going to give it to her?”  

“…You’re far too interested in my personal affairs.”  

“But you made me suffer so much while picking it out! How could I not be curious?”  

Pavel glanced at Elio and let out a sigh before answering.  

“Yes, this time, I’ll give it to her.”  

“You should’ve given it to her back then! You’ve been regretting it for the past two months—it was obvious.”  

“Well…”

At that moment, strangely enough, he couldn’t muster the courage. It would be hard to believe for anyone who knew Pavel Ainsley to hear that he lacked courage, but back then, he couldn’t bring himself to offer Larisa what he had prepared for her.  

That small gift was still tucked inside the inner pocket of his uniform. He hadn’t let it leave his side for even a moment.  

This time, when he saw Larisa, this time for sure—Pavel resolved firmly in his heart.  

As soon as he entered the capital, Pavel went to have an audience with the King. The King greeted him with a broad smile.  

“You’ve worked hard again this year, Duke Ainsley.”  

“It is nothing, Your Majesty. I have merely fulfilled my duty as your loyal subject.”  

“Haha, you always say the things I like to hear, Duke. Oh, by the way, the report can wait; how about we have some tea first?”  

“It would be an honor, Your Majesty.”  

The King led Pavel to a prepared room. Inside, someone was already waiting. Pavel, showing little surprise, greeted the person.  

“It has been a while, Your Highness, Princess.”  

“You must have had a hard journey, Duke.”  

After exchanging greetings, Pavel glanced at the King. The King chuckled and nonchalantly took a seat first.  

The three of them discussed a few important matters from the border inspection, but no other significant topics came up. Pavel could tell that the King had arranged this meeting unnecessarily, purely of his own volition.  

Before long, the King rose from his seat.  

“I have some other matters to attend to, so I’ll leave you to entertain the Duke, Princess.”  

“Yes, Father.”  

Once the two of them were alone, the Princess rubbed her temples lightly and let out a small sigh.  

“There’s not much to talk about, as you well know, Duke.”  

“…Indeed.”  

“And you must also understand why Father arranged this meeting.”  

Pavel nodded slightly. Alicia spoke with a hint of irritation.  

“I’ve told him countless times that you should remain my loyal subject, not my husband, but he just won’t listen.”  

Pavel didn’t offer a reply. Alicia clicked her tongue as she glanced at him sitting there with his stoic expression.  

“Let’s just pass the time for a bit and then part ways.”  

“If it’s all the same to you, Your Highness, I’d prefer to take my leave now.”  

“Father will hear about it anyway.”  

“Since neither you nor I have any intention of marrying, Your Highness, wouldn’t lingering here only raise His Majesty’s expectations unnecessarily?”  

“Well, that’s true.”  

Then Alicia, with a mischievous expression, asked,  

“Are you planning to visit Lady Lochrain?”  

Pavel didn’t answer. But his silence was answer enough. Alicia let out a small laugh and abruptly stood up. Pavel, unable to remain seated when the Crown Princess rose, also got to his feet.  

“You should leave first. That would make your intentions clear to Father.”  

“Then, please excuse me.”  

Pavel bowed and left the room at once. After some time had passed, Alicia, who was about to leave as well, suddenly remembered something and paused with a look of realization.  

“I should’ve told him about that rumor. I completely forgot.”  

Oh well, it probably doesn’t matter. If they like each other, rumors are just rumors.  

With that, Alicia returned to her quarters with light steps.  

***

Meanwhile, as soon as he left the palace and returned to the ducal residence, Pavel sent a message to Larisa’s townhouse and began preparing to go out. However, the reply he received was unexpected.  

“What?”  

“Well, Lady Lochrain has gone to visit a noble family in the southern region with some friends. She’s expected to return in three or four days…”  

Overwhelmed by confusion, Pavel found himself unable to think of what to do. There was no way Larisa didn’t know he was returning. And yet, she had gone to another region, making it impossible for them to meet immediately.  

No, on second thought, it wasn’t wrong for her to go. Larisa had the freedom to go wherever she pleased, and Pavel had no right to stop her. However…  

A sudden premonition flashed through his mind. He turned to the servant who had delivered the reply and asked,  

“Which family extended the invitation?”  

“They said it was the Viscount Goth’s family, whose main estate is in the Ainsley region…”  

The Viscount Goth’s family was known to have unmarried brothers. Among the three brothers, the second eldest had briefly worked at the palace before.  

Pavel’s breath caught, and his mind went blank.  

For a moment, he stood there in silence, unable to say anything. Then, his face became calm as he gestured to the servant.  

“I see. You may leave.”  

After the servant left, Pavel collapsed onto the sofa as if his legs had given out.  

Before he had left for the border inspection, Larisa had made a promise. She had vowed not to associate with other men. Pavel had trusted her promise. 

But had I been too complacent in believing it?  

From the beginning, Pavel had told Larisa that if she ever found someone else she liked, he would step aside. 

Was this perhaps a signal that the time had come for me to keep that promise?  

Had Larisa found a connection with someone from the Viscount Goth’s family during the two months I had been absent from the capital? 

A flood of thoughts overwhelmed him. An ugly desire to wring the necks of the men from the Viscount’s family—men whose faces he barely knew—rose within him.  

Or perhaps, she had gone without knowing. Since she had gone with friends, it might not have been her decision.  

He regretted every moment he had been away from her. Suddenly, the small object in his pocket weighed heavily on his mind.  

Pavel pulled out a small box from his pocket and opened it. Inside was a ring encrusted with tiny diamonds.  

‘I should have placed this on her finger before I left.’  

Though it wasn’t an engagement ring—an engagement ring needed to be far grander—he should have given it to her to express that his heart belonged entirely to her. He despised himself for hesitating before his departure.  

He stood up abruptly. It would take a full day of hard riding to reach Ainsley, where the Viscount Goth’s family resided. He would go there immediately, find Larisa, place the ring on her finger, and bring her back to the capital with him.  

He would bring her to his home, send a marriage proposal to the Marquis of Lochrain, and ensure that Larisa never wanted to leave. He would shower her with all the good things the world had to offer.  

Oh, how he longed to hold her tightly right at that moment. He missed the scent of her skin, the small hand that used to stroke his hair.  

He wished to keep her entirely to himself, ensuring no one else could ever covet her.  

As these thoughts consumed him, Pavel was startled by his own desires. He realized he was overwhelmed by an obsessive need to monopolize her completely.  

‘Is there any reason why I shouldn’t?’  

No matter how much he thought, he couldn’t find a reason.  

Then, why not just act on it?  

Moments later, a horse galloped out of the Duke’s residence at full speed.