Chapter 1.1 – In the Words of Unrequited Love

It was a day as if the sweltering heat had been cut into palm-sized pieces, rounded, and swallowed whole. Even with a scarf soaked in cold water and wrung out around her neck, beads of sweat trickled down her chin.

“Miss, hurry! Lord Idris has arrived!”  

From far down the hill, she was hopping up and down, urging her steps. Carefully, she descended the slope, shouting back, 

“Wait!”  

“Quickly! He said he’d only have tea and leave! Tea time is almost over!”  

By the time she reached the top of the hill, her thighs were burning as if they might burst. She exhaled deeply, catching her breath that had risen to her throat. It wasn’t easy to hop down quickly, as her long hair whipped her back like a lash.  

Idris. Idris was here!  

It had been two years since his last visit. She ran with every ounce of strength she had, determined not to miss this rare opportunity. 

But why hadn’t my father told me that Idris was coming today?  

Today, of all days, when she had skipped her daily two-hour piano lessons and convinced Julie to cool off at the lake behind the mansion! She had planned to return home very late. Yet here she was, rushing back because Julie, who had gone to fetch some snacks, came running to tell her that Idris was at the mansion.  

If I had known, I would have stayed home quietly!  

“We’re almost there! Just a little more effort!”  

“Alright!”  

Finally reaching the bottom of the hill, she quickly washed her neck and face at the well behind the mansion. She hastily wiped off the water with a handkerchief and was about to head into the mansion to fix her appearance for Idris…  

“Hillienti?”  

Between the rose-laden trees, he appeared. 

Had he been strolling through the garden?

She froze on the spot. Not only was she flustered by the unexpected meeting, but just looking into his green eyes made her body feel as though it might burst from the heat. Everything stopped.  

“How long has it been? You’ve grown so much. Two years, was it?”  

His gentle words reached her, but she couldn’t respond, as if she had a spoonful of honey in her mouth. It felt like her tongue might melt. She managed to nod in response. Despite her lukewarm reaction, he smiled brightly, like a boy.  

“Where were you coming from? I wanted to see you before I left.”  

“Oh, I… I went to the lake. It’s so hot today… I had no idea you were coming.”  

“Really? I thought you might’ve run away because you didn’t want to see me.”  

Her heart pounded. His unchanged yet somehow different appearance from two years ago left her fumbling for words.  

“That could never be true!”  

“You said that two years ago, too.”  

“Well… I was going through puberty back then.”  

“Haha! That’s true. You still seem like you’re in puberty now, skipping your piano lessons.”  

“Oh, Father…!”  

Every line forming his face, from his firm jaw to his sharp eyes, had matured into an adult’s. If it weren’t for his familiar smile and unchanged playful tone, his deeper voice might have made him feel like a stranger.  

Yet his kind words, gentle demeanor, and boyish mischief remained the same, making him feel warm and familiar. She had always trusted his green eyes, shimmering like lush greenery.  

“That makes it more fun. Take me next time.”  

“…Yes. Of course.”  

She worried that her flushed cheeks might reveal her feelings, though the summer heat provided a sufficient excuse. Still, she kept a five-step distance, concerned about any lingering sweat. His hand brushed under her eye.  

“There was an eyelash. Anyway, I’m glad to see you’re doing well.”  

“You could have let me know. Have you been well, Idris?”  

“Me? As always.”  

His fingertips were cool, sending a pleasant chill down her spine, like plunging into a refreshing lake. Desperate to keep him from leaving, she tried to continue the conversation.  

“I’d love to hear more. Could you tell me over dinner?”  

“It’s only three in the afternoon.”  

“…I’m just really hungry.”  

Summer was a season where emotions could be easily hidden. Fortunately, it was also a season where shade was desperately needed. He turned back from his steps to leave, seemingly persuaded.  

“And leaving so soon would be too cruel.”  

“Actually, I was just lamenting that Sir Rinshers didn’t extend an invitation.”  

His laughter carried on the summer breeze.  

“Thank you for inviting me.”  

The moment he accepted, quick-witted Julie asked if he’d like some tea. Though she had used dinner as an excuse to keep him, it was still too early for a meal. So, they moved to the mansion’s drawing room.  

After leading him to the sofa, she excused herself, saying she needed to step out briefly. She rushed straight to the kitchen.  

“Marina, please bake a raspberry pie!”  

Raspberry pie was one of his favorite desserts.  

***

In the first-floor drawing room with a view of a garden filled with crimson roses like a sunset, where the scent of vanilla lingered, rooibos tea, crisp scones with orange marmalade made in early summer, and freshly baked raspberry pie were prepared on the tea table. Idris spoke, saying that nothing had changed here. His low voice stirred an inexplicable turmoil in her chest, but she sat in front of him, imitating the elegance of a swan.

Only someone who has fallen into the water knows how fast a swan’s legs paddle beneath the surface.

It had been a one-sided love for as long as ten years. The love that began at the young age of seven did not end even at seventeen and only grew larger, to the point where sometimes it felt terrifying enough to be akin to the fear of death.

“Why have you come here?”

Her hands trembled as she poured the tea, and she glanced up to see if he noticed, but thankfully, he did not. Even though his family and hers were closely connected, there had to be an official reason for coming all the way to their estate, which took a week by carriage from the capital.

Even if it was a simple visit, the timing was a bit off. Her brother, Kashian, who was Idris’s closest friend, had just left for a trip to the south. Perhaps, could he have come to see her?

“Oh, I came to deliver this. Kashian didn’t respond.”

He took out a luxurious teal envelope from the inside pocket of his jacket. The envelope bore the seal of the House of Skavisa: two swords supporting a lilac-colored scabiosa.

Her heart raced. It was because she didn’t know what it might be.

“I’ve fallen in love with someone.”

However, the words he uttered and the gaze that accompanied them stole away her sight and thoughts. There were days when she wondered what his face would look like when he fell in love. Those sleepless nights spent imagining turned to ashes and scattered. It was so painfully vivid that it felt surreal.

“She really likes your piano playing.”

“…Ah, really?”

“So, I was wondering… could you play the piano when she walks down the aisle?”

His words shattered like the sound of rain. Everyone in her family knew of her unrequited love for Idris, but he did not. Her father had a reason for keeping his visit confidential.

She was dazed. She could have refused, but she nodded, not wanting to ruin his smile. She wasn’t sure. She thought she might have smiled.

“Thank you.”

One thing was certain. He left with a smile.

It was only long after he left that she opened the invitation. She traced the elegantly written names with her fingertips.

[Idris de Skavisa]

Her fingers stung as if pricked by thorns at the familiar yet unfamiliar name beside his. Among the southern young ladies as beautiful as summer flowers, she was undoubtedly the most outstanding socialite.

[Amelie de River]

Of all people, why her? She was someone she couldn’t even dare to be jealous of.

‘Lady, are you okay? If you need help, take my hand.’

Her benefactor, who had kindly handed her a handkerchief when she almost made a mistake out of nervousness at her debutante ball. A woman with hazelnut eyes and hair like the gentle light.

“Ah…”

Like a sunflower with a broken stem, she lay down for a long time. She didn’t know how much time had passed. When she finally lifted her head at the touch of a hand patting her back, her father’s worried face filled her blurred vision, and she could only cry endlessly.

Her father didn’t ask why she was crying; he just held her and comforted her.

“It’s okay, dear, it’s okay.”

She believed everything her father said, but she didn’t believe that. Because there was no way it would be okay.

Despair blooms like a flower, and happiness withers like one, or so they say. The ending of her decade-long unrequited love was horrifyingly cruel.