Chapter 2.8

She brushed her hair back and flipped through the first page of the stack of documents, densely filled with printed text. The tea beside her slowly grew cold. 

The contract was similar to the prenuptial agreements she had once read while seated next to her cousin. There were no toxic clauses or unreasonable demands. It didn’t even require her family to prepare the customary dowry. The contract was entirely designed to place her in a position of advantage. 

However, one clause regarding the division of property in the event of divorce caught her eye, like a splinter under her fingernail. 

Would I bring shame to my family’s honor? 

She could endure all the criticism and scorn directed at her, but… 

And when she thought of Lady Amelie… 

“Hillienti.” 

Her thoughts were interrupted. The sunlight that had been caught on the edge of the beautifully grained boxwood table now illuminated its center. 

A low voice, similar in color to that light, called to her from the side of her bed, and her head turned up. Her heart, which always startled anew whenever she saw him, was quickly quelled by familiarity. 

“Ah, Idris. You’re back already?” 

Wearing a blue-toned uniform different from yesterday’s, his figure filled her vision. The dark navy jacket, tailored to perfection, folded softly with his movements. His face, dimly lit by the backlight, was indistinct, but the cool touch of his hand on her forehead conveyed his concern clearly. 

“I heard you had a fever.” 

The pleasant chill of his autumn-like body temperature made her chest tingle, as though her heart had been frostbitten. He lowered himself slowly, meeting her gaze as if concerned by her stiffened posture. 

His perpetually kind demeanor was contrasted by the icy touch of his hand as it brushed her cheek and neck before withdrawing. Her throat felt dry. 

“It was just a mild fever. I’m fine now.” 

“You’re still warm.” 

As she stammered out her words and instinctively leaned back to avoid his hand, his elegant face, slightly furrowed, came into view. 

He had come running the moment he heard I was unwell… 

“I came because I heard you were sick.” 

“……” 

Her heart pounded uncontrollably, frustrating her. There was so much she wanted to say, but no words would come out when she saw him. 

“Was it because of me?” 

Tilting his head lazily, he smiled, and she turned her shoulder halfway away from him. 

“Are you upset? I’d feel hurt if you ignored me like you did when you were sixteen.” 

“That was because I was going through puberty…!” 

She turned her head to retort, only to find his face far too close. So close that their noses nearly brushed. Startled, her upper body instinctively leaned back. 

Thankfully, his large hand supported her back, preventing an awkward fall. Their eyes met. The sensation was like the collision of glass marbles, a fantastical shock rippling through her. 

Under his golden lashes, his eyes, as green as a spring forest, shimmered with concern. 

“Your eyes are a bit bloodshot. You didn’t sleep, did you?” 

He helped her sit upright, her body still frozen, and then withdrew his hand. Sitting down beside her with a soft thud, he was so close that their thighs nearly touched. She clutched at her skirt nervously. 

“Are you still going through puberty?” 

“Idris!” 

His silent, gentle smile was as refreshing as the autumn breeze. No matter how fiercely she glared at him, he looked at her as if she were a small, sulking animal, and she eventually closed her mouth in frustration. 

Before she had turned sixteen, he had often teased her. He wasn’t always the kind and gentle older brother’s friend she had thought him to be. 

He had seemed willing to grant her every request, yet he would firmly refuse when something wasn’t possible. And when she cried in frustration, he would coax her every time. Looking back now, it seemed he had done it on purpose. 

“Do you find it fun to tease me like that?” 

“A little.” 

Loosening the dark green cuffs that had been tightly fastened around his neck, he crossed his long legs. Even for someone who had seen him countless times, this casual posture was rare. He was always composed and proper, no matter where he was. 

Was this his true self? Why had he gone to the Imperial Palace earlier? 

Her thoughts raced. 

“I’ve settled everything.” 

“…What?” 

“My relationship with Amelie. It was something His Majesty had arranged. No one will be able to say anything to you. Until Lord Rinshers grants his permission, no one will even be able to guess who you are.” 

His large hand reached for the teacup she had left untouched. Before she could stop him, he drained the now-cold tea in one gulp. She could only blink at him, dumbfounded. 

His voice, sweet yet cold, and his demeanor, so relaxed it bordered on indifference, felt unfamiliar. Without thinking, she asked, 

“You said you loved her.” 

It wasn’t her place to say such a thing, not after she had asked a man grieving for his lover to love her instead. 

“…How could you do that?” 

Persona. A mask used by humans, even beasts. It’s closer to personality or image than character, and it changes depending on whom you’re dealing with. She was confident she could love him in any form because she too had a persona. Yet, he suddenly felt like a complete stranger, and her eyes wavered.

“Because I never loved her in the first place.”

“…What?”

“I’ve wanted to touch your hair more often. But I couldn’t because of Kashian.”

His quiet words, which made her heart sink, were followed by his thick fingers brushing over the hair cascading down her shoulder.

“…Were you lying?”

“Yes. It was for you. Now there’s no need to hide it.”

“And mourning her death…?”

“That was true. She was a good friend to me.”

She couldn’t gauge where the lies had begun. 

Had he rejected me because he knew I liked him and because of Kashian’s interference? Had he pretended not to know my feelings?

But he had already been moving forward with his marriage to Amelie. That must have been because she was beneficial politically and economically.

He didn’t love Amelie. Then what about the summer and autumn I spent in anguish over him?

Before she could process the emotional shock, he spoke again.

“Don’t look back on it. Don’t carry any guilt or hatred.”

“……”

“You just need to love me, Hillienti.”

There was no magic in the world, yet his voice held a magical quality.

“Then I’ll love you too.”

“…Do you believe in love, Idris?”

But she was no longer at an age to believe in magic. Her sudden question stemmed from a strange anxiety born of newfound distrust. Her heart raced, unsure if it was from excitement or fear.

“Why? Do you think I won’t love you?”

His face tilted slightly as he returned her question. His tone was gentle, but it felt like he was avoiding the question, so she pushed a part of the document she had been reading toward him.

She pointed to the clause about reasons for divorce, such as infidelity or bringing in a mistress, stating that no matter what fault lay with her, the responsibility would fall on Idris, and the marriage would be annulled.

His eyes, fixed on the document, returned to her.

“That’s for you. There might come a time when you won’t love me anymore, and since souls are invisible.”

“That will never happen. Idris, I… I’ve loved you for ten years.”

She was momentarily indignant but then slowly spoke, realizing she had never confessed her feelings before.

Though she was only seventeen, ten years was more than half her life. If she had known him earlier, she would have loved him longer.

His eyes widened slightly at the unexpectedly long time, watching her intently. Like a sea that doesn’t overflow, his gaze was calm yet clearly lapping like waves.

“Why do you love me?”

He asked suddenly.

“I don’t know. Is there a reason for love? I just like everything about you. So much that I can’t pick just one thing. I think love should have no reason. Because if the reason disappears, so does the love.”

She answered. For the first time, her feelings flowed out. 

Could this emotion truly reach him?

He didn’t respond. The first time she saw his empty expression, it was as if a lake contained a snowy plain, so blue it was chilling.

“If there’s no reason, will your love last forever?”

“Yes. So, Idris, do you believe in love?”

If she truly fell into that sea, she felt she would drown. She thought if he couldn’t love her, she would cancel this transaction. Even now, she would withdraw.

His lips, a pale pink, parted after a slight movement.

“I believe in you.”

A short answer of five syllables. Vague, yet there was no clearer response.

Without the grandiose rhetoric of love or vows and confessions promising eternity and life, she felt confident she could willingly throw away her life, accept everyone’s criticism, and embrace her family’s disdain.

It was sweeter than a tongue that didn’t move within her mouth.

He made her want to become a witch, and because of him, she felt submerged in a river where flowers flowed.

“……”

She felt as though she might move at the tantalizingly close distance, almost enough to kiss. His smile had faded, revealing a serious, genuine face—wild like an untamed beast, yet somehow poignant, and thus beautiful.

He knew he was special. Attractive and beautiful, aware that it stirred people’s hearts.

He was as noble as the finest gold on earth. Though called the lover of all, he had never been anyone’s lover, yet he wanted her. How could she not love him?

“You believe in me, right?”

“…Yes.”

He didn’t believe in love. She was confident she could make him believe. Because he believed in her.

The time she worried that he might hear her pounding heart was now in the past. She hoped he would hear her heartbeat, and she slowly closed her eyes.

Wondering if he might give her the token of his vow today.

She tightly shut her eyes as his palm gently rested on her head. Yet, for some reason, she felt nothing.

She secretly opened one eye, only to meet his eyes, joyfully curved and sparkling, and she lowered her head to the floor. Her face flushed instantly.

“Did you tease me again?”

“Become an adult soon, Hillienti.”

She was grumbling with clenched fists when Idris’s sudden action took her breath away, even stopping her breathing. He casually kissed the back of her hand and smiled brightly.

“I’ll be waiting.”

“……”

A kiss on the back of the hand was a sign of reverence. Though he often smiled, his boyish grin, which she rarely saw, swept away all her worries.

In front of his smile, she completely forgot Amelie, her face fading away.