“Come back alive!”

How foolish.

The decision to stop being a bystander in her own life and live as the protagonist was equally foolish.

As soon as she made that decision, the man who made her want to live died.

Fate, are you playing games?

It felt like fate was toying with her.

For a while after that, Erica refused to eat and couldn’t leave her bed.

“Mourn in moderation and get up. How long are you going to stay like that?”

Her parents thought it was only because of the news of Roderick’s death. When her mother gave up nagging and went outside, Erica raised her waterlogged cotton-like body and got out of bed.

Every step on the creaking floor made her stomach churn as if she were walking on a ship in rough seas.

“Ugh.”

Erica grabbed a jar in the corner of the kitchen and threw up bile. As she emptied her already empty stomach, she could hear her parents whispering outside the window.

“We need to send her to that blacksmith before rumors spread to the next village. Go talk to him properly.”

“I will.”

What her parents didn’t know as they tried to marry their daughter off to another man before it was too late was this:

It was already too late. Erica was carrying Roderick’s child.

Erica sat down in the corner of the kitchen, waiting for her morning sickness to pass. Her hand caressed her belly, which showed no visible changes yet.

While feeling desperate, she also thought it fortunate that she could leave a trace of Roderick’s existence in this world. She found herself ridiculous for thinking this.

‘Since when did I become such a sentimental person……’

Outside the window, neighbors returning from harvesting the wheat fields stopped to chat with her parents.

“It’s a good harvest this year.”

Cheerful voices and hearty laughter.

Whether the king changed or Roderick died,

To the people here, it was someone else’s business. They would continue their peaceful days as if nothing had happened and eventually forget that a person named Roderick had ever lived here.

Though natural for them, Erica felt disgusted.

She hated the entire village. If they hadn’t treated him like an outsider, he wouldn’t have left the village like an exile to join the palace guards, and he could have lived a long life as an ordinary farmer like them.

Together with me and our child.

As Erica’s heart was covered in dark clouds that let in no light, the bright season of summer only deepened.

Three months had passed since he left.

He didn’t return even after the promised deadline. Erica foolishly waited until the end before accepting the fact that the man she was waiting for was already dead.

“The wedding will be in autumn.”

Despite Erica’s refusal, the marriage was decided without her consent. Once her waiting and morning sickness ended, she returned to her daily routine as if she had forgotten everything. It was a month before her unwanted wedding.

“Rone from the next village has gone into labor.”

“Oh, already? Then we’ll have one less mouth to feed for lunch and dinner today.”

“I’ll be back.”

Erica mounted the mule loaded with luggage. Her mother wouldn’t know that Erica’s belongings were hidden among the midwifery tools and medicine bottles.

Nor would she know that Roderick’s purse of gold coins, which her mother had hidden under the floorboards, was now hanging beneath Erica’s cloak.

Return to daily life? How could I?

She had only pretended to return to daily life.

This village was where her only love had been ostracized and driven away. Erica would remember this fact every time she faced everyone.

It was where she met him and where they had to part. There was another meeting, but before she could enjoy the fruit of her long wait, they parted again.

And now she knew there would be no fruit even if she waited.

Every time she looked at the end of the road he had taken, Erica would also remember that fact.

How could she return to a peaceful daily life as if nothing had happened in this village where resentment and lingering attachment had taken deep root?

‘I won’t come back again.’

Erica left the village for good.

* * *

“Roderick?”

The soldier guarding the palace entrance scratched his stubbly chin and asked.

“Yes, he’s from the Lientz region, about this tall with black hair and blue eyes, a guard. He’s such a striking handsome man that you couldn’t forget him if you saw him even once.”

“Really? Hmm… Was there someone by that name in the guards?”

“He wasn’t part of the palace but belonged to the Winterborn family……”

The guard suddenly turned pale, waved his hands, looked around anxiously, and then whispered in a low voice.

“They were all massacred.”

“But Roderick wouldn’t have been here that night. He was on leave in his hometown and only left that night……”

“Is he your husband?”

The guard’s gaze shifted to her now noticeably swollen belly.

“I understand your pitiful situation, but don’t go around asking too many questions in these turbulent times, or you might get caught in the crossfire. If your husband hasn’t returned yet, it’s better to accept that he’s gone to God’s embrace.”

The guard then pointed out where unclaimed bodies had been buried together. Standing on a hill outside the castle, Erica looked down and sighed.

Seeing the overgrown weeds on the vast land that showed clear signs of having been dug up and filled again, she felt acutely that she was too late.

Too late for what?

Perhaps it wasn’t too late to curse at his grave to her heart’s content.

“You bastard, if you were going to leave forever, you shouldn’t have come back at all!”

After leaving the royal capital, Erica headed south.

Though no one had invited her, she had a destination—the southern port city.

A trading city frequented by foreigners would naturally be more open-minded than a mountain village inland. She hoped it would be less harsh for a woman to raise a child alone there.

Besides, with a larger population, wouldn’t there be more demand for midwives? She wouldn’t have to worry about making a living.

‘People really need to have skills.’

The day came when she felt grateful to Grandma Greta who had forced her to learn midwifery.

Moving slowly for the sake of her body, autumn had already ended and winter was approaching. By then, Erica had reached a certain mountain range, the last gateway to the southern autonomous region.

“When will it stop……”

Erica sighed as she looked out the window at the light snowfall.

It was only November, but because of the early snow, she had been stuck at an inn in a village at the foot of the mountains for three weeks, unable to cross the range.

“I wanted to settle down before giving birth, but I’m not sure if that will happen.”

She was endlessly caressing her belly, now past six months, when she picked up the unfinished baby clothes again.

“Baby’s mom.”

The innkeeper knocked on her door, calling her by a title that was at least three months premature.

She had been paying her lodging fees on time, so it couldn’t be about that. Perhaps she came to buy medicine again?

Erica got up from the window. It was natural for her steps to be slow with her heavy body. Supporting her back with both hands, she waddled to the door while the innkeeper, unable to wait, knocked again and hurried her.

“Yes, yes. I’m coming.”

What could be so urgent? When she opened the door, the innkeeper blurted out incoherently.

“Baby’s mom, you were complaining yesterday about just spending money.”

“What? Yes, that’s right.”

Though she never used such crude expressions.

“There’s a chance to make money.”

“Really?”

The innkeeper pointed toward the worn-out stairs and excitedly chattered as if it were her own business.

“A young couple checked into the room downstairs last night, and the wife is in her final month and seems to be having contractions.”

She must have remembered that Erica had mentioned being a midwife during their idle chatter.

“The mother-to-be looks clean and elegant, like someone who might have quite a bit of money. When I told them we have a midwife at our inn, they asked me to call you. Hurry down.”

“Thank you.”

Erica went downstairs to assess the mother’s condition and knocked on the door the innkeeper had mentioned.

“Who is it?”

A man’s voice asked from behind the door. It sounded wary of uninvited visitors. Had they already forgotten they called for someone?

“You called for a midwife……”

She thought it strange, but the true surprise came when the door suddenly swung open.

“……Roderick?”

Black hair, deep blue eyes. A bit thinner than she remembered, but familiar features.

“……Erica?”

Above all, her name reflexively spilling from his lips.

The man who opened the door was Roderick. The real Roderick.

“You…… you’re alive?”

The joy of seeing a man she thought dead was alive lasted only a moment.