Chapter 14 – The Cursed Monster Duke

<That’s right. Just look at that dreadful gaze.>

<Shh, he’ll hear you.>

Monster.

Cursed child.

The child, born after killing his mother.

There were many different terms used to refer to Astan.

The shame of the imperial household, cursed to turn into a monster once every month whenever the full moon rose.

Even while hearing whispers that it would be better to die than live like that, he endured stubbornly.

Because he wanted to live.

Because he wanted to be loved.

<Father.>

<Father.>

<Father.>

Even while being despised by the very person closest to him, Astan did his best.

Whenever Sikun appeared, he was the first to run out and the last to return, and even after suffering injuries severe enough to nearly take his life, he endured them alone as though nothing were wrong.

He did not speak even when he was in pain, and he bore it even when it was hard. Thinking that if he did, perhaps his father might finally look back at him.

But that day never came.

In the winter when he was twelve, Astan returned to the residence after spending ten days locked in the tower, and by chance entered his father’s room, where he discovered a portrait hanging on the wall. He knew instinctively. That woman was his mother.

<Mother…….>

Smack! A blow fierce enough to make his mind reel struck his head. For the crime of touching the portrait, Astan was mercilessly beaten by his father and locked back in the small room once more. And only then did he understand.

I will never be loved.

After that, he lived like the dead. He no longer longed for love, nor did he try to become a good child.

Shutting himself away in his room to avoid crossing paths with his father, he struggled only to keep from being consumed by the curse and to live as a human being.

And so came his sixteenth birthday.

<Astan.>

<F-Father?>

Because his birthday was also his mother’s death anniversary, Astan had never once been congratulated on it. At the gentle tone of the father who had come to see him for the first time in his life, Astan nearly burst into tears.

<Yes!>

Thinking that perhaps his father had finally forgiven him, Astan, unable to sleep from excitement, knocked on his father’s door early in the morning.

<Father, it’s Astan.>

No answer came, no matter how many times he knocked. Astan carefully opened the door.

<Father, are you still aslee…… F-Father! Father!>

The wind blowing through the open window stirred the curtains. The Duke’s body hanging in midair swayed with them.

A crumpled sheet of paper bearing a hastily scrawled s*icide note lay neatly at the Duke’s feet.

[Remember this until the day you die, Astan. Remember what a dreadful being you are.]

“……Grace, Your Grace!”

“Hk—”

He opened his eyes with a short gasp. Ragged breathing escaped between lips dry and cracked like a desert. His whole body was soaked with sweat, like a man pulled out after drowning.

Again…… that dream.

Though it was a dream he had each time he was freed from the curse, it was tormenting every single time. He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again to cast off the afterimages he did not want to remember, and slowly his blurred vision began to sharpen.

“Your Grace, are you conscious now?”

A kind voice stirred his mind awake. At the edge of his still-unfocused gaze, he saw a familiar face. Blinking his heavy eyelids, Astan took in the lovely face before him.

……She’s safe.

That was the very first thought that came to him. A strange sense of relief loosened the tension that had been stretched taut inside him. Beyond the woman’s shoulder, a familiar scene came into view.

When did I get back?

Looking around at the cozy room instead of the cold, dark tower, Astan searched through the blank spaces in his memory and pushed himself upright.

“Ugh.”

“You mustn’t get up yet.”

The moment he moved, pain rang through his whole body. Letting out a groan at the feeling as though someone were prying apart his ribs with their hands, Astan saw the woman support him with a startled face.

Forcing himself upright, Astan’s gaze turned to Gloria. Her eyes, blue as a clear sky, were full of worry.

Before he could even ask why she was here, the woman placed a hand on his forehead. Touching her own forehead and his in turn as though checking his temperature, Gloria finally relaxed her expression.

“That’s a relief. Your fever stayed high, so I was worried, but it’s gone down a lot now.”

“…….”

“Still, you really shouldn’t overdo it yet. Your wounds were fairly deep.”

“…….”

At Gloria’s words, Astan looked down at his upper body and furrowed his brow. His entire body was wrapped thickly in bandages.

I remember getting clawed by the Sikun, but was I injured this badly?

Perhaps because of the curse, his memory was fragmented in places.

What happened to the Sikun? Was anyone hurt? The last person I saw……. was it Logan?

Just as he was growing confused, unable to sort out what had happened and how, Gloria spoke again.

“You were moaning in pain all night. Did you have some kind of bad dream?”

“…….”

Instead of answering, Astan simply stared at Gloria. She looked noticeably thinner than the last time he had seen her.

There were dark shadows beneath her eyes, and red marks like teeth prints had been left on her lips. Astan, who had been thinking they looked exactly like bite marks, slowly parted his lips.

In an instant, the memory of last night came flooding back like a tidal wave.

The sound of the woman entering after opening the heavy iron door, the footsteps drawing near through the darkness, the trembling voice that called his name, and even the soft, yielding sensation.

……You mad bastard, even if you weren’t in your right mind, still.

He felt as though he wanted to thr*st his head straight into the fireplace. Astan squeezed his eyes shut.

“Your Grace? Are you in a lot of pain? Should I call the butler?”

The urgent question flew to his ears as he bowed his head deeply. He had no need of a mirror to guess just how awful his expression looked right now, but at Gloria’s anxious voice, as though she were tending to someone on the verge of death, Astan could only helplessly raise his head. His own reflection was visible in the eyes full of concern directed at him.

Astan roughly rubbed at his face. If he could, he wanted to wipe away the memory entirely. When he finally covered his face again and let out a groan, Gloria cautiously opened her mouth.

“Do you…… remember what happened last night?”

“……Roughly.”

He could not meet her eyes. Astan forcibly swallowed the words caught in his throat.

“You lost consciousness as soon as you saw my face, so Logan carried you back to your room.”

“…….”

“The butler said that in that…… state, wounds heal quickly, but the injuries you got before then were quite deep.”

“…….”

“Thankfully they didn’t fester, so I disinfected them and wrapped them in bandages, but if they hurt a lot…….”

“What on earth—”

The words he had been pressing down burst out before he could control his temper.

At the rough tone, Gloria’s eyes widened. Barely restraining the anger that had nearly burst out, Astan clenched his teeth hard.

How on earth had she known where he was, what had she been thinking when she came looking for him, and what exactly had she been trying to do by doing that to him? There were dozens of things he wanted to ask, yet there was not a single one he could ask easily.

Trying to decide what to say first, Astan ended up speaking whatever came out.

“Weren’t you afraid?”

“Of what?”

“You saw it all.”

The form of the monster.

After spitting out the words as though grinding them between his teeth, he lowered his gaze. In his unsteady line of sight, he could see the back of the woman’s hand gripping the blanket. It was miserable, but nothing new. He was used to being ignored and despised.

His father, who hated him until the day he died, and his nursemaid, who had raised him like a son in place of his mother, had been the same. They were not afraid of Astan when he turned into a monster, but they looked away and pretended not to see, never drawing near.

But this woman…….

“I wasn’t afraid, but it did hurt a little. Because you bit me.”

Gloria answered while deliberately touching the lips marked with bite impressions.