Chapter 27.5

Edmund had never imagined such a scene. With his throat tight, he managed to confess with a sigh.

“I’ll always, always miss you.”

He’d always long for her.

“Then tell me anytime, Eddie.”

Even when she bravely closed and opened her eyes, the eighteen-year-old woman stayed by his side.

“Say you miss me, say there’s somewhere you want to go together. Tell me. I’ll listen to everything, Eddie. Edmund.”

She understood the longing he couldn’t put into words, and how his loneliness had seeped in.

“……”

He’d thought he’d say ‘I love you,’ plead desperately for her to stay by his side forever.

“Thank you, Elly.”

But the words he managed to say were gratitude.

“Thank you for being here.”

Sometimes, ‘I love you’ isn’t enough.

‘Thank you. I miss you. You’re beautiful. And happiness. Thank you for being here and making me happy.’

He worried ‘thank you’ might not be enough.

“I haven’t done anything yet. Should I think of it as thanks in advance?”

Her eyes, avoiding his gaze, seemed to say…

“I’ll thank you again then. As many times as you stay by my side, I’ll thank you.”

He said he liked the heart he’d carefully shaped for her.

* * *

In the wildflower-filled view of the lake, Elia and Edmund spent quite a long time.

There wasn’t much conversation. As Daisy had said, just seeing each other and hearing each other’s voices was enough.

The two of them looked at each other in silence, then admired the wildflowers blooming close to the lake, exchanging simple stories that drifted away with the wind. Before they knew it, the sun had set and dusk had fallen.

As the escorts began to prepare for departure, Elia took one last look around the scenery before leaving.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it’s a nice place.”

“I never did remember coming here as a child, but maybe that’s for the best. Otherwise, I’d have been too busy chasing after vague memories and missed out on how wonderful it is right now.”

Just as Elia said, the lake before them was beautiful. Maybe there were memories of childhood left behind, or maybe today was the very first time for the two of them.

The forgotten past did not intrude on the beauty of the present.

“No matter how beautiful or sad the past is, sometimes you have to forget it for a while. You have to let it go.”

Edmund recalled the past, the memories, at the sound of Elia’s voice.

“……When do you think that is?”

He longed for salvation.

“Hmm. When the present is beautiful, and when you’re happy? At those times, you should let the past sleep in time. Because… every past was once the present, and our now will all become the past.”

Elia felt awkward suddenly bringing up such a serious topic, glancing down and back up several times.

But in the end, she returned to Edmund, like the wind bringing down the rain, which eventually settles on the earth.

“If we keep trying to recall only the beautiful or sad memories, happiness now will be swept away by time before we know it. Then it’ll become another past we have to look back on. If that keeps repeating, we’ll have so many pasts piled up that we won’t have any time left to enjoy the happiness of the present.”

Edmund tried to understand her unfamiliar words, reflecting on past sadness and present happiness.

‘If I keep recalling you at eighteen while thinking of you at twenty-eight, maybe you’ll become a past I can never get back. Maybe the happiness you give me now will get buried in time and lose its color.’

Elia’s words comforted him so much he wondered if he was just interpreting them to suit himself.

But Edmund decided to trust that Elia was right. He didn’t want to lose the present by dwelling on doubts and the past.

“Sadly, should we go back now? The sun’s almost set.”

“Elly.”

“Yeah?”

“Next time… can we come here together again?”

The man’s voice, always so calm when confessing longing or missing her, now held a hint of desire for the first time.

He wanted to come again. He asked her to come with him.

She nearly cried. It was just a simple “I want to come again,” but…

‘Eddie, did you feel like this too? When I kept pushing you away, and finally wanted to see you, did you feel like you might cry when you admitted it? What should I do? I really might cry…’

Elia felt so sorry for Edmund, she couldn’t answer properly and just nodded silently.

Her eyes filled with tears, but thankfully, she managed not to let them fall, nodding for his sake.

And what helped her clear away those tears…

“Elly.”

As Edmund was about to get into the carriage, he pointed at the footrest.

“Hm? What about the footrest?”

“The color’s different from the other carriage.”

“Haha, were you looking for that all this time?”

“I wanted to tell you too.”

It was thanks to that one comment, as he met her gaze.

* * *

It was a short ride by carriage from the lake to the Roang Earldom mansion. Elia noticed the slowing carriage meant it was almost time to say goodbye.

“That’s a shame. Today was so nice, time flew by.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t take you to more places because of the escorts.”

“No, it’s fine. What you do isn’t as important as being together. Still, thanks for caring. I want to do more for you too… Actually, when I was picking out the music box, I wanted one with a little gem on it. But when the clerk told me the price, I couldn’t even show my surprise and just agonized over it.”

From Elia’s explanation, Edmund could instantly recall the large music box he’d glimpsed at the shop—a pricey piece with jeweled flowers carved on three big trees atop a musical base.

Did she want it for herself? Or maybe she wanted to give it to someone.

‘If I order it after arriving at Roang, I can have it delivered before bed.’

Their gazes and thoughts briefly crossed. Edmund wondered when to give Elia the music box she wanted, while Elia gazed at the music box she’d chosen, imagining it sitting beside Edmund.

“Even though it’s not as expensive, the one I picked is pretty too. I hope you like it.”

Elia had agonized over what to give Edmund, especially wanting to make up for that silly hair ribbon gift. She’d spent days worrying.

‘If I hadn’t noticed the music box while lying down with a headache, I’d probably still be stressing over what to get him.’

She couldn’t give something expensive, but she’d picked something meaningful, so Elia proudly told Edmund her choice was beautiful.

But strangely, Edmund didn’t react as she expected. She thought he’d at least say thank you.

‘Wait, did I not say? But I said it was a gift! Oh no!’

Elia ended up laughing so hard her eyes squeezed shut. The way the big man looked confused was just too adorable.

“Eddie! The music box I bought, I got it to give to you!”

“To me?”

“Yes! Who else would I give a gift to? Sometimes I give Daisy something, and Eugene? I don’t even remember my brother’s birthday half the time.”

Elia reached out and put the wrapped music box on Edmund’s lap.

“Here. It’s your gift. Open it at the mansion. It’s a beautiful hawk sleeping peacefully—I think just looking at it will help you sleep.”

“…Thank you. I’ll treasure it.”

“Yeah, if you can’t sleep or feel lonely, take it out. Or listen every day. If it breaks, I’ll save up and buy you a new one. This time I picked it myself, but next time, let’s go together. Okay?”

The natural suggestion to go together made Edmund’s heart flutter, like a lake trembling in the wind.

“If we go together next time, I’ll give you something you pick yourself.”

“Okay, I’ll look forward to it.”

Soon the carriage came to a complete stop, and familiar voices were heard outside.

Hans the aide greeted Eugene, the knights got down from their horses, and the sound of boots on the ground urged them to say goodbye.

“Oh, I should give your coat back. Thanks.”

“Just wear it home. It might be cold outside.”

“You’re the one who’ll be cold! My house is right here. Go on, take it.”

Elia took off Edmund’s coat and handed it back. Edmund, still seated in the carriage, slipped his arms into it.

The coat, tailored to fit him perfectly, had found its owner, and Elia smiled.

“Isn’t it warm?”

It was warm. Not because of the thick fabric, but because of Elia’s lingering warmth.

Since returning from death, or perhaps for the first time in his whole life, the warmth embracing his body was truly comforting.

Leaning into Elia’s warmth, he found the courage to be a little greedier.

“Elly.”

“Yeah?”

“When you get out of the carriage, can I help you?”

Elia suddenly wanted to hide away somewhere out of embarrassment.

‘Oh no, did I make it too obvious I kept looking at his hands…’

Ever since she’d noticed, she kept glancing at Edmund’s gloved hands.

‘Why am I so embarrassed about something as simple as touching hands… What should I do…’

She wanted to fling open the carriage door and run away.

Yes, that’s how she felt, but her shameless desire made her nod her blushing face to allow him

Just in case Edmund didn’t see her agree, she nodded several times.

“Thank you for letting me.”

“No, I should be the one thanking you… I mean, for letting me help you get out. Thank you.”

After an awkward explanation, Elia hid her face in her hands.

She was sure he’d tease her for being childish, for thinking she could hide by just covering her eyes, and expected Edmund to laugh.

But when she removed her hands and looked at Edmund’s face…

‘How do I describe that expression?’

He wasn’t relaxed. His face was tangled with emotions Elia couldn’t yet name.

She could only understand it as nervousness.

“…Shall we?”

The door opened and Edmund got out first, reaching his hand toward Elia.

His hair, darkened by the night, his face newly revealed by standing lower, and for the first time, his hand reaching out to her.

Elia felt that everything would be okay.

Edmund’s hand was still wrapped in a glove.

‘If it’s not because he doesn’t want to touch, and if it just takes time to remove the glove, I’m fine. I’ll wait.’

If it took time, she could wait. If she needed to give more of her heart, she could do that too. She could give all her overflowing feelings to him.

So for now, she was just happy. When she placed her slightly trembling hand on his, his large hand immediately enveloped hers.

Instead of just brushing, she moved closer, closing the gap.

“Thank you, Eddie.”

Their hands, fully joined, shared warmth, deeper and more profound than anything.

Fulfillment. Joy. Satisfaction… All the emotions that could drive away loneliness spread from their joined hands, soaking into both of them. They’d both been lonely for so long, not knowing how to escape.

Not knowing how to let go of that first handhold, they made excuses.

“Sweet dreams, Elia.”

“Yeah, get home safe… you too. Have happy dreams.”

For a long time, the two who couldn’t let go melted each other’s loneliness before parting.

Under the vast night sky, Elia watched the departing carriage for a long time.

She hoped, soon, they’d be able to share warmth without gloves.

And that all the words left unsaid could be spoken.