Ju-eon wrapped his arms around Myung-hwon’s nape, guiding him down. He knew it would be better to hold back. But if he had to choose between living one more day without a kiss and living one less day with a kiss, he would choose the latter without hesitation.

Under Ju-eon’s force, Myung-hwon’s head lowered enough to reach Ju-eon’s lips.

**

What was our first kiss like?

It was back when we were just friends, when I hadn’t noticed it was love. When I couldn’t understand why you were special, yet you shone among others, and when I came to my senses, I would find myself staring only at you.

We were all wearing the same gym clothes, but why did only you look different? That question was the biggest concern of my life.

‘Hey! Watch out!’

It was when I was sitting on the outdoor stairs during PE class because I wasn’t feeling well. Then too, I was mindlessly staring at you like always.

So I didn’t notice the ball coming toward me. With a dull thud, my view changed from you to the sky. My body fell backward, and my head must have hit the stairs hard.

When I realized what had happened, the pain came belatedly, and darkness instantly filled my vision. Then when I briefly closed my eyes and opened them again, I was in the nurse’s office.

I knew it was a dream but couldn’t move. Ju-eon was just an observer. Unable to intervene in any way, he watched as the old memory played out.

**

I half-raised myself from the bed and looked around. The curtains were drawn, so I slightly lifted the left curtain. When no one was there, he lifted the opposite curtain and saw you.

‘You’re awake? How are you feeling?’

You were sitting by the window, resting your chin on your hand. Seeing you sigh in relief at my awakening, my heart sank.

The wandering emotion suddenly found its name at an unexpected moment and settled in my heart. When I pressed my chest gently, you frowned, misunderstanding something.

‘They said to go to the hospital if you keep feeling unwell.’

Myung-hwon came over quickly and touched my forehead. My mouth went dry, and I swallowed. Had being close to Myung-hwon always been this nerve-wracking? My face suddenly felt hot.

‘…I’m fine.’

‘You seem to have a fever though?’

‘I said I’m fine.’

Unable to hide my suddenly realized feelings, I lowered my gaze, and you raised one eyebrow.

‘Why are you avoiding my eyes?’

‘I said… I’m… fine…’

Myung-hwon grabbed my cheeks and forcefully lifted my gaze. At that moment, time stopped. My heart fluttered. The curtains swayed as wind blew through the open window. My fingertips trembled, and the back of my neck burned.

Without saying anything, as if you had read my thoughts, your face came closer. All my senses focused on you. It felt like we were the only two people in the world. That’s why I couldn’t push you away. Your faint sweat mixed with your unique scent penetrated deep into my lungs. Had it always been such an erotic scent?

When our eyelashes touched, I gently pushed away your firm shoulders, holding onto my last bit of reason.

‘…Is this okay between friends?’

‘No.’

But you closed the distance instantly, as if unwilling to allow any space between us. Hot lips touched mine. My body trembled at the unfamiliar sensation.

‘Ah.’

Our breaths mingled, and you kissed me. My trembling fingertips, lost with nowhere to go, wandered in the air before grabbing the hem of your shirt as if clinging to it. When you traced my lips with your finger, reality finally hit me.

‘You said friends shouldn’t do this… so why…’

‘Because I don’t want to be friends.’

Though thrown out like a joke, I caught the sincerity in it. The situation was unfamiliar, but you were still the Yeo Myung-hwon I knew.

‘…Huh?’

‘I’m saying I can’t be satisfied with just being friends anymore. What about you?’

For both you and me, it was our first time. Though you wore a confident smile, the hand holding my cheek trembled slightly. As emotions for you crashed over me like waves, instead of answering, I grabbed your clothes and pulled you toward me.

Looking surprised with wide eyes, you soon wrapped your arms around my neck. As our skin touched, I could feel our body temperatures rising. The rustling sound of the nurse’s office bed sheets made my ears burn hot.

My voice wouldn’t come out properly, so I whispered to you.

‘This feels strange.’

‘Do you dislike it?’

‘No… that’s not it.’

‘Then?’

‘…I like it.’

‘What do you like about it?’

‘Inside my mouth… no, never mind.’

When I hesitated to answer your persistent questions, you flopped down onto my lap.

‘Woo Ju-eon, really…’

You pulled down my nape and kissed me briefly. Focused only on you, I had forgotten that someone could come in before the door opened.

Click. The nurse’s office door opened.

‘What do we do?’

‘We weren’t caught.’

‘Move away first!’

When I pushed your head away, panicking like someone who had done something wrong, you couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Just then, the school nurse spoke while drawing the curtain.

‘Ju-eon, are you feeling better?’

‘…Yes, teacher. I was about to go back to class.’

‘Your friend was worried earlier…. Oh, you’re together.’

‘Yes. We’ll be going now.’

Without time to dwell on the lingering feeling of our mutual emotions, we fled from the nurse’s office like escapees. Our hands brushed against each other.

You laughed out loud, the sky was blue, and with classes started, we were alone in the quiet hallway. That’s how we crossed the line of friendship.

Even after manifestation, nothing changed. Our kisses weren’t for guiding but because our emotions overflowed uncontrollably. Such kisses were natural then. The guiding that followed was just a bonus.

**

Myung-hwon naturally pushed away the arms wrapped around his neck. Ju-eon’s hands stopped in mid-air. Myung-hwon hesitated for a moment but soon brushed past Ju-eon while loosening his tie with one hand.

“I’m tired.”

As Myung-hwon passed by, there was an unfamiliar scent. A scent that had never come from Myung-hwon before. Ju-eon clenched his fists. He wanted to question it.

“…If you’re tired, you should rest. I’m sorry.”

But what would questioning achieve?

Ju-eon suppressed what he wanted to say. It’s okay. He needed to get used to this unfamiliarity now.

An awkward silence flowed. They seemed to have conversed more naturally before, but now it felt like they’d forgotten how to talk.

“Myung-hwon.”

“What?”

Why are we acting like we need a reason to face each other? His mouth felt dry. Ju-eon hugged one arm.

“…Since you’re going straight to the dungeon tomorrow, and I’ll probably arrive at work before you, I wanted to ask if we should sleep separately.”

“You want to?”

Myung-hwon paused briefly after opening the door. But only briefly.

“Sleep well, Myung-hwon.”

“Yeah. You too.”

Bang. The door closed.

**

Yun-jin, who had turned off her computer, packed her things slowly while asking Ju-eon.

“Is it really okay if I leave first? Since we’re going together anyway. I don’t mind waiting a bit.”

“Go ahead. The other team members must have already left.”

Glancing at the time, it was already 6 o’clock. If she left now, she would arrive on time or slightly late for the appointed time.

“No. Why are they suddenly having a dinner like this? There’s no consideration for people staying in the office.”

“We met AGT on the first day, so they need to comfort them. How shocked must they have been experiencing that on their first day at work?”

“That’s true, but still.”

Yun-jin seemed reluctant to leave, asking again.

“I’ll finish the remaining work and come right away.”

Ju-eon forced a smile as he saw Yun-jin off. Though it wasn’t a lie that he had work, it wasn’t urgent.

“Alright. I’ll go ahead then. Don’t forget to turn off the lights when you leave.”

“Okay.”

After Yun-jin left, the office became quiet.

Click clack.

Click clack.

His regularly moving fingers gradually lost their pace.

Checking his phone that he had turned face down, there were 8 missed calls and messages. Messages from the team leader saying to come before 8, and from Yun-jin saying to just come if there was too much work.

You can’t avoid everything just by avoiding it. Ju-eon turned off the computer and started preparing to leave.

“Ugh.”

As he tried to stand up, his head spun, and he collapsed back down.

Come to think of it, he had almost finished the medicine from the hospital in just a few days. Ju-eon quickly poured all the remaining pills into his mouth. Too weak to get water, he chewed the pills. A bitter taste spread through his mouth. In a short time, cold sweat had made his hair stick to his cheeks.

The pain spread incomparably faster than before. He stood up from his seat, relieved as the pain gradually subsided.

“Urgh.”

Suddenly feeling nauseous, he covered his mouth, but something came up faster. Blood mixed with clots spurted from his mouth. The white floor instantly turned red. As if the relief had been an illusion, his vision swayed and terrible pain returned.

What if I die like this? Fear struck suddenly. His hands trembled violently. It was pain incomparable to before. It felt like all his internal organs were being wrung out. The terrible sensation that made him want to vomit out his insides continuously hammered at Ju-eon.

If he could have thought rationally, he would have called an ambulance first. But he couldn’t think of an ambulance. He could only think of Myung-hwon. If it was his last moment, he wanted to talk to him, not the rescue team.