Chapter 73. A Person Who Doesn’t Love

My memories of my mother’s funeral were faint.

Perhaps I wanted to deny reality.

‘Your mother’s body will be buried at sea according to her will.’

It was an absurd story. No matter how it was her last wish, burying a noblewoman at sea?

But as a child, I had no power. After the one-day funeral, all I could do was mourn as I watched her body being moved somewhere.

My mother had no ties. Her family was all in Katar……. No one mourned the death of a mad foreign woman. And I……

I still don’t know how to describe my feelings back then. That was the first time I realized that emptiness could have weight. That the feeling of being empty could crush a heart, a soul, a person’s life.

“……Still, I think burial at sea is wrong. You could be buried in your territory.”

My voice trembled a little. Enoch, still holding me, lifted his head to meet my eyes. I couldn’t avoid his gaze.

“Does my territory matter? I’m not going to have children anyway.”

“Still. It’s the land Your Highness has protected……”

“Well, it’s better than being buried in the royal cemetery.”

As the carriage started moving, he released his hold on me but remained seated next to me. After some thought, I quickly got up and moved to the front seat. Enoch stared at me in disbelief, but I ignored him.

“This reminds me of old times. Though it wasn’t that long ago.”

After some silence, he spoke quietly while looking out the window. I had been counting the delicate patterns on my black silk dress and slowly looked up at him.

“On a day like this, when it was pouring rain, I picked you up and put you in my carriage.”

……That did happen. I could still vividly recall that memory. Back then, I felt humiliated and hurt by his cheap sympathy……

“You looked really pitiful back then.”

“…….”

I almost retorted that he was annoying, but barely held back. Could I ever interact with him comfortably?

“Why were you standing in the rain like that? Like someone out of their mind.”

I hesitated, delaying my answer. Normally, I would have lied. Anything about my mother was my own…… a depth I didn’t want to show anyone.

“At that time……”

……But maybe, just maybe, it was okay to tell you. I didn’t know why I felt that way. Because I wanted to get closer to you? To be understood? To know you better? Whatever the reason, it wasn’t a good thing. Someone who would die in a year might as well deceive all relationships.

So the right answer was only one.

I was just standing there absentmindedly.

It was a meaningless action.

But my mouth moved on its own. The words that had been wandering in my mind came out.

“……My mother died in a storm.”

He raised his eyebrows. My heart started pounding loudly. I clenched my hands tightly on my lap. I had done it.

“……On a stormy night, she left the window open and slept…… or maybe she wasn’t even sleeping, I’m not sure.”

Once I started talking, the words poured out like a flood. I had never talked to anyone about my mother’s death. How I felt back then, what mark it left on me…… I had kept it all hidden inside, festering.

But to think I would first confide in this man, Enoch Bayern.

“……So when it rains like this, I think of my mother. I stopped because I was thinking of her.”

“…….”

I couldn’t read his silent gaze, and it made me increasingly anxious. Should I not have said anything? I don’t believe in true empathy between people. So what was I hoping for by bringing this up? Cheap sympathy? Even if it was just a pretense, did I want someone’s comfort?

“Did you love your mother?”

I flinched at the indifferent question. It felt like salt in a wound, touching something vital and fragile inside me.

“……I don’t…… know.”

“And your mother? Did she love you?”

That was an easy question to answer. I shook my head blankly. My mother didn’t love me. I was my father’s daughter.

I didn’t inherit my mother’s light brown skin or dark eyes. She hated the invader who forced his life upon her. I was the daughter of that invader. Someone she had to hate, ignore, or obsess over……

In my memory, my mother did all three. She didn’t hide her hatred for me, ignored my desire for affection, and still obsessed over me. I was born with original sin, and she tried to mold me to her will. Despite my father’s blood, I was her replica.

My mother didn’t love me.

I loved someone who didn’t love me.

Realizing that, or rather, finally admitting it, my eyes filled with tears.

Hot tears streamed down my cheeks. Enoch clicked his tongue, took out a handkerchief, and wiped my tears.

I watched him silently as he did so.

“I didn’t love my mother.”

“…….”

“My mother was…… well, I don’t know. She was a woman with strange values.”

Blinking absently, my eyelashes were wet with tears. Enoch looked at me with pity and scolded, “Stop crying.”

“It’s not natural for children to love their parents or for parents to love their children.”

“…….”

“I don’t resent my mother. There’s nothing to forgive. But people assume I must resent her.”

He laughed softly as he put away the handkerchief. I hadn’t learned the specifics of what happened between him and his mother, but his detached attitude made me feel it wasn’t necessary.

He had overcome it. Or maybe he never cared, unlike me.

……Enoch Bayern truly is an unreachable person.

I couldn’t help but smile, and he raised an eyebrow. His hand, tapping my nose, was more mischievous than considerate.

“Crying and then laughing?”

“Because of Your Highness.”

“Why because of me?”

He asked incredulously, and I shook my head.

“Because you’re truly extraordinary.”

He let out a short, heavy laugh. His arm wrapped around my shoulder again. It felt comforting, and I wanted to believe it, even if it was just a pretense.

Enoch Bayern might be much kinder than I thought.

* * *

Two days later.

A pure white carriage drawn by four white horses crossed the drawbridge leading to the palace.

Inside the carriage sat a bride with a long, translucent veil covering her face.

Onlookers cheered, threw flowers, and shouted congratulations as they saw her through the small window. Despite the bad rumors leading up to this day, it was still a joyous occasion.

The marriage of the Grand Duke of Bayern, a hero of the nation, was something to celebrate.

“Your Highness!”

“Your Highness the Grand Duchess!”

“Be happy!”

Despite some conservative nobles disapproving of the Grand Duchess, the people below the gentry loved her. The story of her enduring her stepmother and stepsisters’ ab*se touched their hearts.

One publisher was already planning to publish a fairy tale based on the Grand Duchess’s story. Whether they had her permission was doubtful.

The capital was in a festive mood. King Henry had declared a holiday, and the whole city stopped working to celebrate.

“They say the Grand Duchess is surprisingly beautiful.”

“Really?”

“And rumor has it she’s so knowledgeable she can have in-depth conversations with the Royal Librarian……”

Contrary to the wishes of some conservative nobles, rumors about the Grand Duchess were spreading positively.

Especially among those of Katarian descent or with Katarian family members, she held significant symbolic value. Even if she showed no traces of Katarian heritage.

“The Katarian delegation is coming this year too. The Grand Duchess will play a significant role.”

“Right. She’ll fit the changing times perfectly.”

Meanwhile, in the white rose garden of Alberich Palace, where the wedding was to be held.

The pure white carriage stopped softly among the blooming white rose bushes.

A knight in white armor, who had been escorting the carriage, quickly dismounted and opened the carriage door, causing everyone in the garden to hold their breath for a moment.