Chapter 88. The Lady of the Camellias

Once the tears started flowing, they wouldn’t stop.

Why am I so sad?

Even though I knew the answer, admitting it was painful. It always was.

I loved my mother, but she didn’t love me. So I buried my love deep inside and ignored it. I didn’t want to be hurt by the fact that even my biological mother didn’t love me.

It was the same with Enoch. I knew I would eventually get hurt. The issue was the resolve. The resolve to honestly acknowledge and accept my feelings, even if I ended up covered in wounds.

Why is it so difficult to love? How wonderful would it be if I could just follow my heart?

“D*mn it, why do you start crying the moment you see my face…”

Enoch, though exasperated, took out a handkerchief and wiped my face. I accepted his touch obediently, sniffling. I hated him so much in the morning, but by the afternoon, he didn’t seem so hateful. The human heart is indeed fickle and cunning.

“…Stop crying.”

“……”

“You’re really driving me crazy.”

I sat there blankly for a moment, then impulsively stood up and hugged him tightly.

“……!”

Enoch flinched and hesitated for a moment before slowly wrapping his arms around my back. I buried my face in his chest and rubbed against it. Tear stains were left on his fine suit, but I didn’t have the luxury to care about that now.

I might eventually have to admit it.

That his love is fake, that it will disappear after a year, and that I will be harshly wounded.

Nonetheless, the undeniable truth is that I love you.

When did it come to this?

When did this feeling grow beyond a simple attraction?

Something that holds too much will overflow eventually.

For me, that time seemed to be now.

“…You’ll come to hate me.”

I murmured as I hugged him tightly, and Enoch responded in a bewildered voice.

“What nonsense is that?”

“Even if you come to hate me… please don’t hate me too much.”

“Have you been drinking? Do they serve alcohol here?”

“I’m perfectly sober.”

“Then why…”

I hate you so much.

I hate you, but I love you just as much.

How wonderful would it be if you truly loved me, not because of magic?

Dreams are so sweet, but reality is only cruel.

Now, I have to live with the fear that you might come to hate me…

That magic was indeed a trap.

From the start, there was no way to easily win someone’s heart, especially love, with something like magic…

It’s truly foolish.

I swallowed my tears in self-deprecation. I didn’t want to show any more pathetic sides of myself.

“I don’t think Felix likes me.”

“……”

“Felix is just kind… He’s like a sibling to me since childhood. There’s no way he sees me as a woman.”

Enoch let out a hollow laugh and retorted sharply.

“That b*stard likes you. I’d bet my wrist on it.”

What is he saying? I was horrified and tried to stop him.

“Don’t say that. Betting your wrist… Don’t say things like that lightly.”

“Why? Are you worried?”

He asked sarcastically, and I peeked out from his embrace to answer honestly.

“Yes, I’m worried.”

His eyelashes trembled finely for a moment. Then, with a slightly furrowed brow, he looked at me with a peculiar expression. I continued speaking calmly.

“And I want to tell you that there’s no need to be wary of Felix. Not just Felix, but other men as well.”

“…Why?”

He seemed to have sensed something keenly.

I just smiled.

“Because, after all, I am your wife.”

And the person I love is you.

The words I pressed down.

If I confessed the truth, I felt like I would cry again.

“…Understand? Now, please stop being angry.”

“……”

I grabbed his collar and bowed my head. After crying, my temples throbbed with a headache. I was about to say that I couldn’t stay at the coffee house any longer and that we should return to the mansion when a large, warm hand suddenly cupped my cheek.

When I slowly raised my head, I met his golden eyes, which were heavy and sunken. They seemed to hold a bit of regret, though it might just be my illusion.

“…Yesterday,”

He spoke in a choked voice.

“I went too far.”

I was so surprised that my eyes widened. I never expected to hear anything resembling an apology from him.

Enoch sighed and cursed, then added,

“But there’s no guarantee it won’t happen again.”

“……”

Of course. I don’t expect this man to truly become gentle. He is indeed a fierce, selfish, and arrogant man.

And as always, he commanded coercively.

“But you chose me.”

“……”

“So endure it.”

His golden eyes burned like the sun. Like a helpless sunflower, I answered, “Yes.” If I showed any defiance, we might end up blaming each other and fighting again like yesterday.

And so, our brief nerve-wracking battle ended. Probably.

The way back to the mansion from the coffee house was peaceful. The occasional fear that he might come to hate me was bearable. After all, I chose to become covered in wounds.

Would I be able to smile nonchalantly while embracing a pillar of salt with a heart full of wounds? I don’t know. Someday, resignation might settle into my smile.

When I no longer hope for anything, when I no longer have any expectations… When I completely let go to end this relationship, someday.

How will I be different from now?

For now, I will just cover it up.

If I ignore it and don’t look, I can smile like a character in a play.

It felt as if I heard the sound of a crack forming in my heart.

One cog had started to misalign and creak, but there was no way to fix it… it seemed distant.

* * *

It wasn’t anything new.

That is, the fact that it was my first time at the opera house ‘as well.’

“It might be better to make a list of places you haven’t been to.”

The afternoon sun scattered golden light over Enoch’s head as he mocked.

Friday is the day when the wealthy of the capital frequent the opera house the most.

Yesterday, Thursday, Enoch’s close friend, Marquis Norbert, gave him two tickets to an opera in which his lover Mercedes was performing. Thanks to that, we didn’t need to make separate reservations and could come comfortably, which was indeed fortunate.

“Your Highness, and Your Highness.”

“Are you here to see 《The Lady of the Camellias》 this evening?”

“Prima Donna Mercedes is performing today…”

Nobles who recognized us kept greeting us, making Enoch increasingly uncomfortable.

“Enoch, we should go to our seats. I’m feeling a bit dizzy…”

I lied to make an excuse for him and slipped out of the crowd. Only then did Enoch sigh with an exasperated expression. Still, he held back well. Hearing that it was my first time seeing an opera, he seemed to be trying not to ruin today’s outing.

“I can’t tell if they’re humans or hyenas. Ellen, come closer.”

I was leaning against the railing, wanting to look at the stage in more detail before the performance started, when Enoch beckoned like calling a puppy.

I glanced at him briefly but then approached quietly. Enoch, who had taken out a cigar, looked at me and the cigar alternately before cursing and putting it back.

I raised my eyebrows and sipped cool lemonade. The box seat we were in wasn’t stifling but rather cozy, and I had a clear view of the audience and stage below.

As I fiddled with the opera glasses in my hand, Enoch’s indifferent voice came.

“Don’t expect too much. It won’t be as interesting as you think.”

“……”

Isn’t that quite a subjective opinion? I glared at him again, and he caught me. With a scowl, Enoch wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close, trying to tease me.

“Ah, stop it! It’s about to start—”

He slipped his hand through my pearl necklace and gently stroked the back of my neck. The shiver that ran through me made me freeze for a moment, but then the large chandelier lights went out, plunging the theater into darkness like night.

I cheered inwardly for escaping Enoch’s shameless touch and quickly adjusted the opera glasses. I heard him click his tongue beside me, and I felt a gaze of disbelief.

Anyway, finally, the curtain rose on the stage—soft lighting illuminated the stage, and the prelude to the first act of ‘The Lady of the Camellias’ began to play.

A delicate, trembling, sad, and beautiful melody.

Soon, the prima donna of 《The Lady of the Camellias》 appeared on stage.

A sincere confession,
Pure love,
I don’t know such things,
Pleasure is all that life is.

Violetta, with a red camellia pinned to her chest, sang of the denial of love in a high, clear voice.

The person playing Violetta was the famous Mercedes.

With wavy blonde hair tinged with red and a sensual figure, she was indeed a woman so beautiful that she could be considered the incarnation of beauty.

But if you want,
I’ll give you this flower.
Past the dawn,
If you want,
We can meet again…

Arrogant gentleman,
Is your love true?
Can I believe in it?
If your purity is deceit,
You’ll end up k*lling me.
Past this dawn,
Like the red flower wilting…