I froze.

My expression hardened along with his.

It was because I immediately understood what he was talking about.

“This body is not normal. Actually, even now, my physical condition isn’t very good.”

Cail told me with a bitter smile.

“That day I almost hurt you, too. What I fear most is hurting you because of me. So I’ll end it before the dragon magic goes berserk.”

Berserk. And end.

Those two words that I feared most in my past life made my heart sink instantly.

“You, don’t tell me.”

“I told you before. The punishment for going against your will and saving the dragon magic that you wanted to kill—I will bear it all myself.”

Cail smiled gently in what appeared to be an attempt to reassure me.

“I will conclude everything with my death, so don’t worry too much, Jella.”

Helasio had said it. That Cail would eventually fail to overcome that power and go berserk. Only that it wouldn’t be now.

That was a truth I had been constantly concerned about yet wanted to ignore since learning that Cail had given his heart to Helasio.

And Cail was planning to prevent the dragon magic’s rampage with his own death. Just as I had done 5 years ago.

The moment I realized this, a cold wind seemed to sweep across my chest, making my heart feel like it was freezing.

Only now, after 5 years, did I understand.

Why Cail had shed those tears when I died.

“…No. There must be a way to prevent the rampage.”

I spoke, trying hard to steady my trembling voice.

But he shook his head slightly, showing a skeptical response.

“If there had been a way, I wouldn’t have lost you like that 5 years ago.”

As he said. In the past, I too couldn’t find a way to prevent the dragon magic’s rampage, so I eventually had to plan my own death.

But, still…

“You said it yourself, that I’m someone who accomplishes the impossible.”

I couldn’t let Cail, who had given his heart to the dragon magic to save me, die in my place.

After all that time had passed, our hearts had finally reached each other—I couldn’t lose him again like this.

Above all, I had promised.

That I would never abandon him again.

Perhaps this is my selfishness, wanting to hold onto his leash and never let go.

But so what if it’s selfish?

I already sacrificed my life once 5 years ago to save the world. If I want to have the one thing that remained as a lingering attachment until my moment of death…

This much selfishness should be allowed.

Therefore, I couldn’t give up on him.

He had given his physical body to save me? Then I could give even my soul to save him.

“So I’ll find a way somehow.”

Even if I have to sell my soul. Without fail.

***

Cail had always longed for her warmth, like the only light shining on a cold, dark place.

But he never dared to think he could receive her love.

That was true even in the moment his heart swelled when she confessed that she liked him.

When he heard her say she liked him, and when she asked him to stay by her side. He naturally…

“…”

Cail’s face, which had been gazing down at the window lost in thought, suddenly turned red.

The indecent thought he had harbored came to mind.

It was fortunate. That she didn’t probe further.

If she had asked what he was going to say, he, who had promised not to run away, would have had no choice but to confess…

And after hearing the indecent thoughts he harbored, she might have…

‘She might have been angry, saying she had liked me without knowing I was such an indecent person.’

Cail thought, rubbing his heated nape with one hand.

Because when she asked him to stay by her side, he naturally thought she meant not as her partner but as a pretty dog guarding her bedroom.

A good and excellent dog that waits for her all day, entertains her with all sorts of tricks when she returns, and receives her affection.

In the past, people always told him that at best, he would be discarded after warming her bedroom.

That must be why.

In reality, I wasn’t even worthy of sharing her bed, let alone being anything important to her, so if I could receive her affection, that alone was more happiness than I deserved.

So even though he felt an inappropriate inferiority toward the man who proposed to her, promising to give her the empire, he never dared to dream of becoming her partner.

He was fully satisfied just being a joy that warmed the bedroom for her, who would take another as her partner and grasp the empire.

But she spoke as if she wanted to have him as her partner instead of that man.

Saying she liked him, loved him, and asking him to go to the capital together…

“She says she likes me…”

Cail murmured quietly, unable to believe it.

“Loves… me… She, someone like me of all people…”

Could he believe those words?

Though he knew it was disloyal to question his master’s words, he mulled it over dozens, hundreds of times.

That it wasn’t simple interest or a whim, that she felt the same way as him. Could he dare to think that?

“…”

Unable to overcome the rising emotion, he closed his eyes and let out a faint sigh.

When he closed his eyes, it felt as if the sound of his heartbeat was particularly loud.

Having experienced such ecstatic happiness, Cail sincerely thought that even if his death awaited at the end, he would have no regrets about his life.

‘Right. Death.’

Suddenly, Cail recalled his predetermined death.

From the moment he took the dragon magic Helasio into his body, he had rightfully thought about his own death to prevent the dragon’s rampage in her place.

He had always thought he would gladly face death after seeing her successfully resurrected and smiling happily.

But strangely, ever since receiving her confession a few days ago…

Throb.

Cail winced at the sudden pain.

[Cail!]

Helasio screamed and burst out.

[Your emotions are fluctuating again! When you waver, the magical power…!]

“…I know that too.”

Cail answered through gritted teeth. Ugly black veins were protruding on his thick forearm.

He needed to control his emotions to prevent the magical power inside his body from surging.

‘But how…’

He painfully contorted his face.

‘How can I control these feelings?’

She says she likes me. She says she loves me.

And I have to leave her side.

I have to inflict the same pain of loss that I felt when I lost her…

Surge.

Cail recalled the sad emotion of the moment he lost her.

He didn’t mind dying himself. If he could die in her place, even that was happiness.

But thinking about having to inflict the same pain he felt onto her made his chest feel like it was being torn apart.

He seemed to understand what she meant when she said he was her only lingering attachment.

When he thought of her, he simply couldn’t close his eyes.

To the point where he thought it would have been better if she hadn’t given her heart to someone like him.

[You, don’t think foolish thoughts alone! Just empty your mind and stay put!]

Helasio said that and quickly flew off somewhere.

Left alone, Cail exhaled deeply to clear his mind as much as possible.

For her sake, and to stay by her side even a little longer, he had to control his emotions.

She said she would find a way to save him somehow, but Cail was skeptical of those words.

If such a method had existed in the first place, she wouldn’t have faced death so lonely.

So while Cail was happy and joyful that she loved him, he was also sorrowful at the same time.

‘Why… did you have to love someone like me?’

Even though she told him not to lower himself like that, he kept having these thoughts.

If she had loved someone else, there wouldn’t be such sadness left behind.

If she had loved Niel Alpenhayer, who would live the same time as her, or Yupheon Arne, who would live eternally even after her life ended.

If only…

‘Wouldn’t it have been better if you had loved those men instead of me?’

But even while thinking this, he couldn’t express these thoughts in front of her.

Because her love felt so good. Because he wanted to receive her love even a little more.

It was such a contradictory emotion.

“Ugh…”

Suddenly, intense pain surged in his heart.

He tried to empty his mind, but his thoughts flowed back to her again.

“But how can I not? Thoughts of you…”

Black veins bulged colorfully on his skin.

Looking at the hideously protruding blood vessels, Cail contorted his face.

He couldn’t show her this appearance again. He needed to empty his mind and calm down quickly.

But perhaps because of the obsession that he needed to clear his mind, it became even more difficult.

Because of this, he kept getting feverish, his vision blurred, and his mind became muddled.

No. If she sees this, she’ll think I’m hideous.

She’ll come to hate me.

No. No.

I don’t want to be abandoned again.

There was a similar time once before.

There were countless hours when he trembled in fear of being abandoned by her after realizing his love for her.

Times when he pitifully watched her back as she walked alongside others, and times when he repeatedly denied that he was not a being arranged for her death…

But in the end, he lost her by plunging a sword into her heart, times when he suffered after being abandoned by her in the cruelest way in the world…

“I don’t want to.”

In the hallucination as if he had returned to that time, Cail muttered while scratching at the protruding veins.

“I don’t want to be abandoned.”

His skin tore and blood vessels burst, but he didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop.

“Never again will I be abandoned by you.”

In an instant, his bloodshot eyes gleamed brightly within the dense magical energy.