How did one go about killing time? 

Pamona lay on her bed staring at the ceiling, then buried her face in her pillow in frustration. For the past twenty years she had spent each day whittling away the hours just fine, and now she felt like someone who had suddenly forgotten how to do it. The time refused to pass and it was driving her mad.

She used to wash up, eat, read, eat again, take a walk, wash up again, and the day would go by well enough. Today she had barely touched her meals, and no matter how much she read, not a single word registered.

She had turned over more than forty pages, yet she could not remember a thing written across those forty pages. She closed the book and lay down, and Terion Iligen’s face surfaced in her mind.

In truth, it had been that way the whole time she was reading too. Even during meals, she had wondered what that royal guest was doing all day in her castle that he had plundered. Pamona had slept poorly the night before and was exhausted to the point of misery. She wondered whether the plunderer was sleeping and eating well.

“Ha……”

Pamona grabbed her hair and rolled back and forth across the bed. She had spent the entire day turning the same thoughts over in her head until her mind felt ready to cramp. She flopped onto her stomach and kicked her feet against the bed, but rather than clearing her head, the thought of how ridiculous she must look only made her more irritated.

‘Would you like to come live here?’

The face that had asked that innocent question with those harmless-looking eyes kept flickering before her. His low, gentle voice came from she did not know where, and like rain in the monsoon season it showed no sign of stopping. Pressing a pillow over her ears and squeezing her eyes shut did nothing. If anything, the more she tried, the more vividly Terion Iligen glowed blue.

Pamona rolled over one more time and reached out a hand to yank hard on the bell pull beside the bed. A moment later there was a knock at the door and two attendants came in.

“Yes, Your Highness.”

“I’m skipping dinner tonight.”

“Yes, Your Highness. Are you feeling unwell? Shall I call for a physician?”

“No……”

One of them looked about to step out of the bedroom first, perhaps to inform the kitchen.

“Just a moment.”

They were two familiar faces. The attendants who helped with the castle’s various small tasks changed often enough that she did not know many of their faces, but she had settled into a comfortable enough routine with the four or so who waited on her exclusively.

Pamona sometimes exchanged jokes with them, and by now they had fallen into such an easy rhythm with each other that neither side caused the other any trouble.

“Um……. What are your names?”

Even so, asking their names was something she had never done once in her life.

It was only natural. She had never been taught that she needed to know the names of the people she employed. And Pamona had spent far too long living without any interest in anything at all.

“Pardon?”

The two attendants stared at her with wide, startled eyes. Not knowing an attendant’s name was entirely ordinary in Masion.

“I am……. Lora of House Alber, Your Highness.”

The moment Terion Iligen had said Unnar’s name out loud came back to her. Thinking back on it made her feel oddly ashamed. It did not matter what she had or had not been taught. She and these two had spent years together, side by side, every single day. How had she lived all this time without knowing their names.

“I am Su of House Mushi, Your Highness.”

“Lora, Su.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

Lora. Su. Lora. Su.

Pamona repeated their names a few more times in her head. She had only learned two names, and yet she suddenly felt a warmth toward them like what one might feel for a friend.

The only people Pamona had ever been close to were her brother, Heil, and Terion Iligen, so she was not even sure whether this was what one felt toward a friend. Because of the difference in station, becoming true friends was not something that could happen anyway. But that was simply how it felt, that was all.

“Lora, Su. I want to go out.”

“Yes, Your Highness. We will get you ready.”

She thought she really ought to ask Terion Iligen what kind of feelings other people carried for their friends.

* * *

Pamona stood before the Twin Castle and steadied her breathing. She did not want to show that she had hurried. The guards had already opened the gate, yet she stood there in front of it, composing herself and smoothing her hair back once.

Unhurried. Relaxed. The way Terion Iligen always was.

Only when her breathing had slowed enough and she felt ready did Pamona step into the hall of the Twin Castle. What on earth was Terion Iligen doing? He had nothing to do here, so what was he doing shut up inside all day?

Her resolve to be unhurried and relaxed had evaporated somewhere along the way, and she climbed the stairs at such a pace that she was nearly out of breath again. Without realizing it, she had been moving almost at a run. The attendants who spotted her looked up with startled eyes at the commotion.

Pamona stopped in front of Terion Iligen’s bedroom. Under normal circumstances guards would have stood watch outside it, but it seemed he had done away with all of them as a nuisance, because there had never been any from the start. Which meant she had to announce herself. Pamona knocked on the door with the handle and made a sound.

She waited for a voice telling her to come in, but heard nothing. Pamona knocked once more.

“Terion, it’s me.”

Her patience for waiting wore thin almost immediately and she called out to him. Even so, no answer came from the other side of the door.

“Terion! Are you in there?”

One. Two. Three.

She counted to three with no reply and pulled the door open. Anyone watching would have been scandalized, but if Terion Iligen had been in his room he would naturally have opened the door. Sure enough, the bedroom was empty.

Pamona turned around and went down one floor. She crossed the corridor and stopped in front of the door leading to the study. She knocked, and the sound rang through the corridor a little louder than before.

“Terion, are you in here? It’s me, Pamona.”

The words left her mouth and she snapped it shut, embarrassed.

It’s me, Pamona……?

It was the first time in her life she had ever said such a thing. She let out a hollow laugh at the absurdity of it. It was ridiculous that those words had come out of a princess’s mouth, and it was just as absurd that she had lived her whole life without ever saying something like that. The hope that the door might open went unrewarded, and the study was quiet too. She was just about to pull that door open as well.

“Your Highness.”

She turned around. It was one of the Twin Castle’s attendants.

“The royal guest is out.”

“Out?”

“Yes. He left early this morning and has not yet returned.”

“……You mean he went outside the palace walls?”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

Pamona stood there for a moment, at a loss for words, looking at the attendant. The attendant held that same bowed posture and waited for Pamona’s instructions. Outside the palace walls.

Pamona had thought Terion Iligen was in a very pitiable situation. She had felt sorry for him at times, and sad on his behalf. That he had left his own country and had to be alone in a strange place, knowing no one. That he had to spend his days here powerlessly killing time, just like her, in a place where there was nothing he could do and nothing he needed to do.

She had thought his circumstances had come to resemble hers. Few people would understand better than she did what that felt like. That was why she had decided to help him. To make sure he could get through his days without too much hardship.

But now she saw that the pitiable one was not Terion Iligen.

She had never so much as stuck a broken fingernail past the palace walls, and here she was feeling sorry for someone else.

A prince from another country, taken as a hostage, was still better off than a princess living in her own.

It had not occurred to her that he could go outside the palace walls. Because Pamona had never gone outside herself, the very idea of going out had simply never existed in her mind. Thinking about it now, of course it made sense that Terion Iligen could come and go freely. There was no keeping him confined within the palace walls.

For a moment, she thought her own situation might be too impoverished. Worse off than a hostage. It was nothing new, not something that had started a day or two ago, yet a self-deprecating feeling slipped out of her all the same.

“……He could have waited a little.”

She had nothing to do either way.

“Yes. I will show you to a room.”

The attendant walked ahead of Pamona. Following along, she crossed the west bridge and arrived at the sitting room of the side castle. She looked around, puzzled, and an answer came without her having to ask.

“The royal guest has moved his quarters to the side castle. I will bring tea, Your Highness.”

Pamona felt a little stunned. He had told her to come live at the Twin Castle, and had he meant it? She had not expected him to actually move his things to the side castle. It really did seem like he wanted Pamona to come and stay at the Twin Castle.

The feeling that had been sinking and scattering pulled itself back together a little.

“Then I’ll wait in the study here. Bring the tea there.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

Whenever Terion Iligen returned, Pamona could wait without getting bored. She had not yet finished even half of the book she had spent a whole day reading across from him in his study a few days ago.