Chapter 76

“At the very least, your child should know where her mother’s hometown is.”

“She doesn’t need to know that!”

“No. She does. After all, she’ll never set foot there again.”

“What?”

“And you need to know, too. No, you need to see it clearly. What Leodell is like now.”

“Why? Why do you have to…”

“And once you go to the Aryan Empire, you won’t be able to see the Valère estate, or your mother’s grave, for a while.”

“…….”

At those words, Ellen was momentarily speechless. She had often thought about visiting her mother and Laura’s graves over the past five years, but never managed to go. She couldn’t leave Innis alone with Baron Dermann, and even if she took her daughter, she was afraid of running into Viscount Valère. In the end, Ellen had never visited her mother and Laura’s graves, whether by her own will or not.

“If we’re going the same way anyway, you didn’t have to separate Innis from me.”

One corner of Lennox’s lips curled up.

“You want to travel a road like this with a four-year-old?”

“…….”

“Rest.”

Lennox spoke shortly and left. Click. The door locked again, and Ellen pressed her palm to her chest. Maybe the food she’d just eaten was disagreeing with her. Wanting some fresh air, she cracked open the stiff carriage window. A cool breeze carrying the smell of dry earth blew in. She heard sounds of things being packed up outside. But then, for a while, there was no movement. Contrary to her expectation that they would depart soon, the carriage did not move. Ellen wished they would leave quickly and reach Leodell—she needed to hide Innis before she met her father. Memories of her father’s face and the past in the manor churned in her mind, making her feel sick.

“Captain, we should get going soon.”

Roy Kail of the Pamphilenet Order, who had caught up quickly, leaned against the old carriage and approached Lennox, who had his arms folded and eyes closed. At Roy’s words, Lennox’s eyelids lifted, revealing cold red eyes. When Roy trailed off, Lennox lightly gestured with his chin. Roy bowed and told the group they would rest a bit longer. Lennox stood guard at the carriage door, listening for any sounds inside.

‘She’s not crying.’

Leodell was a place of both deep wounds and happy memories for Ellen and Lennox. He thought stirring up those memories would make her cry and feel shaken. But, for better or worse, Ellen did not cry.

Lennox felt a mix of relief and disappointment, and steadied his breath, erasing both feelings. When Ellen’s meal was digested, the carriage started moving again. It rattled endlessly down the rough road.

“Ugh…….”

Inside the jostling carriage, Ellen gripped the handle, struggling to calm her increasingly upset stomach. Her face turned pale as nausea rose. Her head spun and she felt feverish. Not wanting to complain, she endured silently. The urge to vomit climbed up her throat. Ellen clamped her hand over her mouth, but the carriage’s musty smell only made her nausea worse.

‘Lennox.’

Reflexively, Ellen called his name in her mind and knocked on the carriage door. She doubted he could hear her over the hoofbeats, but she didn’t want to throw up inside the carriage. She didn’t want Lennox to see her in such a mess. Maybe her desperate feeling reached him, because the carriage stopped. Clunk, the door opened. In the backlight, she could only see his red eyes clearly.

“Lennox……”

“…….”

Lennox silently grabbed Ellen’s arm and pulled her out of the carriage. Stumbling outside, Ellen’s eyes trembled as she saw all the knights and soldiers. Lennox walked quickly, dragging Ellen along. She clutched her chest, almost stumbling several times, but followed him. Her arm hurt from his grip, but she didn’t have the energy to complain. When they reached a spot where no one’s gaze reached, Lennox let go. Ellen leaned against a large nearby rock.

“Lennox. Please give me a moment alone.”

“Throw up.”

“Lennox.”

“…….”

Lennox stood rooted to the spot. Ellen glared at him, but he didn’t move. Maybe it was relief at being outside, but before she could get angry, she quickly leaned on the rock and bent over.

Her stomach sent everything up uncontrollably. Undigested food fell to the ground. Her stomach kept heaving, expelling what little was inside. Whether it was the pain of vomiting, showing such an unsightly side to Lennox, or both, tears welled up in her eyes.

She resented Lennox for not moving when she asked. Sharp words spilled from her lips.

“Does this make you feel better?”

“…….”

“Did you want me to feel ashamed, showing me like this? Did you want me to lose the bet?”

“Maybe so.”

Lennox calmly replied, handing her a handkerchief. Ellen stared at it for a moment, then took it. Her hand paused as she saw the familiar initials on the handkerchief. The embroidery was worn.

When she was seventeen, at his private knighting ceremony, Ellen had heard Lennox’s oath of loyalty and given him a carefully embroidered handkerchief. It was still white and clean, only the worn initials revealing its age.

Ellen gazed at the handkerchief for a long time. She’d sprayed her favorite sandalwood perfume on it then. The handkerchief still faintly smelled of sandalwood. Looking at it with complicated feelings, Ellen wiped her mouth with her sleeve and handed it back.

“I’m fine.”

“All right.”

Lennox took the handkerchief back without hesitation. When Ellen’s color returned, Lennox immediately turned and walked away. Ellen followed him. Unlike before, he didn’t look back at her. He had always walked just behind or beside Ellen, never ahead. When they reunited, he had told Ellen to come back, that he would forget everything. He’d beaten her husband in front of her and begged her to return. Ellen refused. But, paradoxically, she erased her husband’s traces by sleeping with Lennox in her husband’s room. Then, agreeing to the bet, Lennox’s attitude changed on the day they left.

‘What is Lennox feeling…….’

Ellen knew his feelings. He was keeping his word, and she was accepting it. They knew each other’s hearts better than anyone. Ellen felt pain knowing how Lennox felt, but she didn’t intend to lose the bet.

‘As long as he stays alive…….’

Even if Lennox suffered now, even if he let go of Ellen, she would be okay. Before, Ellen had abandoned him; now, when the bet ended, it would be Lennox’s turn to abandon her.

‘Yes. As long as he stays alive.’

She could endure any physical pain. Ellen would miss Lennox as she looked at Innis. But having already hurt him, she was prepared to accept even that pain joyfully.

As Ellen slowed her steps, Lennox slowed his as well. When Ellen stopped, Lennox stopped too.

“Lennox.”

He didn’t look back. Ellen spoke to his back.

“I don’t want to lose this bet with you.”

She was speaking more to herself than to him.

“Me neither.”

Lennox replied briefly and started walking again. Ellen followed. Until they reached the carriage, there was no conversation.

Back at the carriage, Ellen ignored the knights’ stares and climbed back into the uncomfortable carriage. Before closing the door, Lennox handed her water and medicine, which she accepted silently. Before the door shut, Ellen said,

“The handkerchief… thank you.”

“…….”

Lennox didn’t answer and closed the door. Darkness fell again. With a jolt, the carriage began to move, wheels rolling. The sky outside the window passed by once more.

The carriage traveled on without a break. The clear sky gradually darkened, and the moon appeared in the window. Even as the moon rose, the carriage didn’t stop. When the moon disappeared from view, the carriage halted.

Drowsy from Lennox’s medicine, Ellen couldn’t sleep because of the rough road. The carriage door opened. Lennox, leaning on the seat, looked at the tired Ellen.

“We’ll camp here tonight.”

“Okay.”

“Come out.”

At Lennox’s words, Ellen got out of the carriage. Around the moonlit river, campfires burned and tents were pitched. Ellen looked around and saw a small tent next to the carriage.

“What’s this?”

“It’s where you’ll sleep tonight.”

“All right.”

Ellen answered briefly and accepted the meal bowl Lennox handed her, sitting on the carriage step.