Chapter 2 – The Boundary of Lust (Part 2)

“Thank you for taking the time to come.”

The curator managing the exhibition greeted Soo-yeon with a breathless smile. This exhibition featured Soo-yeon’s past works. Having avoided public appearances unless absolutely necessary, she was now taking steps to break free from the reclusive life she had led due to Min-jun.

As she toured the exhibition and greeted the staff, she smiled awkwardly. It had been so long that she felt foolishly nervous, not knowing what to say.

“May I ask if we can expect any new works from you?”

The curator asked with hopeful eyes. There was a sense of anticipation that Soo-yeon, who had reappeared after a long time, might finally unveil new works. Soo-yeon deflected with a smile, “We’ll see.” Despite her breakup with Min-jun, she felt a strange fear about taking the next step. It was odd. Even though the chains binding her had already been broken, she still felt trapped in the past.

“Even if you’re late, it’s okay. You’ve already won the prestigious Graham Award, showcasing the beauty of Korea….”

The curator gushed, pointing to Soo-yeon’s painting on the white wall. But Soo-yeon could only look at her work with hollow eyes, unable to join in the admiration. Sometimes, the value of art is measured by the awards it receives. A piece she had painted daily, without thinking it was special, had won an award, suddenly bringing her into the spotlight. It made her go from being ignored by President Chae to being his pride and from being a girlfriend who boosted her boyfriend’s ego to one who crushed it.

‘I actually feel guilty when I’m with you.’

Looking at that painting, Soo-yeon recalled a conversation she had with Min-jun under a streetlamp long ago. He would always puff himself up like a balloon, claiming he could bounce back at any moment, only to deflate and shrink before her. It was midwinter, and the streets were slippery with unshoveled snow. Despite this, Min-jun insisted on walking with Soo-yeon, who had arrived by car, pulling her out of the warm vehicle. He continued with a hint of bitterness in his voice.

‘I wonder if someone as insignificant as me deserves to be with someone as precious as you.’

‘Min-jun.’

Soo-yeon feared he was about to break up with her. When she called his name, trying to stop him, he pursed his lips, looking like he was about to cry. But the words that came out were entirely different from what she expected. Min-jun, with a voice full of self-doubt, continued.

‘You’re so different from me now. I’m falling, and you’re soaring….’

The year Min-jun’s family fell apart, Soo-yeon won an award. The moment her daily paintings gained attention, she was busy being called for interviews. As soon as she had some time, she rushed to meet Min-jun, putting aside her desire to rest. Waiting for her was a boyfriend filled with inferiority. Soo-yeon hadn’t soared to bring him down. Yet, she felt like a criminal just because of the situation.

‘Your daily life is amazing to me, and mine is lacking to you.’

‘…Min-jun.’

‘Soo-yeon, I feel so small in front of you.’

‘I’ll try harder….’

Soo-yeon knew that no words could console him, yet she said whatever came to mind. She simply didn’t want to break up with him. She didn’t want to give up on their love because they couldn’t overcome the situation. In truth, every time she visited his cramped villa, it was burdensome. It was hard to see him, who once had a respectable family and a proper title, borrowing money from her, making investments, failing, and falling apart. Still, she didn’t want to let go, so she begged.

‘I’ll adjust….’

Seeing her begging, Min-jun straightened his hunched back. It was as if he was regaining his pride, using Soo-yeon’s pleading as nourishment. He let her cry for a long time before finally embracing her. In his arms, she felt so cold. She had already seen the look in his eyes. Once filled with affection, his eyes now curved in satisfaction only after making her cry. Continuing such an absurd relationship, she realized he was restoring his trampled pride by taking out his frustrations on her.

“Soo-yeon.”

Soo-yeon snapped out of her thoughts at the voice echoing inside the exhibition hall. When she turned her head, she saw Min-jun standing between the paintings, looking haggard. Despite having seen his face countless times over the past five years, Min-jun strangely looked like a stranger. Noticing the curator’s questioning gaze, she sighed softly.

“He’s an acquaintance.”

“Then please feel free to talk. I’ll contact you again later.”

The curator, sensing the atmosphere, alternated his gaze between them and spoke. Soo-yeon replied that she would and sent the curator away. She then silently headed outside the exhibition hall, hearing footsteps following her. She stopped at a secluded back garden. It was still hot in the early autumn, with summer not fully gone. If the side dishes she had brought that day were left unattended in this weather, they would have surely rotted, much like her heart.

“I was momentarily insane. It was a younger acquaintance I used to know. We both drank too much, and I didn’t mean for it to happen. I never had those feelings normally.”

When Soo-yeon turned around, she saw Min-jun kneeling on the ground. He claimed he didn’t mean it, but Soo-yeon had also slept with Hee-tae. She hadn’t even drunk, yet she found she could easily sleep with another man. It was proof that the relationship was already over. Not once did Min-jun’s face come to mind while she cried under Hee-tae. Soo-yeon spoke to Min-jun, who was kneeling.

“Stand up.”

“Soo-yeon, please…. You know you’re the only one I have.”

“Nothing will change.”

Soo-yeon replied dryly to Min-jun, who was begging in tears. Min-jun, refusing to believe it, crawled on his knees toward her, pleading. Seeing her boyfriend begging on the ground might have been satisfying or anger-relieving for someone else, but not for Soo-yeon. For the past two years, this was all she had seen from Min-jun. It was a familiar scene she had seen too often.

“Let’s admit it now.”

Soo-yeon calmly informed him that their relationship was over. She had only been prolonging a relationship that had already ended with her efforts. It was her mistake to keep a dying relationship going like a corpse. The man, now tearful, looked up at her with eyes devoid of hope. The man who repeatedly asked if it was really over finally started to attack her.

“Fine, I’ll admit it. I’ve felt suffocated being with you for a while.”

“…….”

“I know you’re amazing. Everyone knows it, but it was hard because you didn’t consider others and flaunted it. I just wanted to catch my breath for a moment.”

Even as Min-jun’s words cut into her, Soo-yeon looked down at him with calm eyes. She didn’t want to argue about what made him feel suffocated. In truth, Soo-yeon felt the same. Being with Min-jun made her feel suffocated. She couldn’t lift him from sinking endlessly, and she felt like she was sinking with him. She didn’t want to blame Min-jun for sleeping with another woman under the excuse of needing a break. She herself had slept with Hee-tae, using the breakup as an excuse, like a lustful animal. Soo-yeon was simply curious.

“What did I ever boast about to you?”

“You probably think you never did!”

Min-jun, who had been kneeling and begging, raised his voice and stood up. He suddenly became confident, as if he had been waiting for this moment. He unleashed his anger on her, who had handed him the metaphorical microphone.

“The clothes you wear, the food you eat, the things you use without thinking—they’re all things I’m still struggling to afford!”

“Min-jun.”

“I’m trying to climb up from rock bottom to the sky where you are!”

“Is that really something you should be resentful toward me about?”

Soo-yeon calmly asked Min-jun, who was shouting as if he were the wronged party. The relationship where love made her overlook everything had now crumbled. The time when love excused his immature actions had also passed. Soo-yeon pointed out the truth she had always swallowed down out of pity for Min-jun, who was always cowering under her.

“You just want to be angry at me, making it seem like everything is my fault.”

He was angry because it felt easier to blame her. Even though he knew it wasn’t Soo-yeon’s fault that he was struggling with poverty. Even though he knew she hadn’t won awards and become famous to undermine him. He made excuses, thinking she would understand because she was Soo-yeon, and poured his anger onto her. Foolishly, Soo-yeon had accepted all of it, but now she continued speaking calmly.

“Because I’m the easiest person for you to be angry at.”

“…….”

“Even now, after we’ve broken up.”

Even now, after they had broken up, Soo-yeon was the easiest person for Min-jun to come and vent his anger on. Min-jun hadn’t come to apologize for his wrongdoings. He couldn’t control his anger over the unwanted breakup and had come to pour it onto her. There were many paintings Soo-yeon had drawn but never exhibited, fearing they would hurt Min-jun’s pride. Even now, she had never blamed him for it. Not even once. Because it had been her choice. Meeting him, breaking up with him, it had all been her choice, so she couldn’t blame anyone else.