Chesterfield Mansion: The House of the Man Who Hates Me - Chapter 22

Cold water was poured over her stained body. After roughly washing away the fishy smell that had permeated her body like that, she changed into her outdoor clothes.

Celian’s steps headed towards the cathedral where she was to meet Beth. It was early, not just for the appointment time, but even for people to be active. The cathedral was empty too.

Celian pulled down the hood she had been wearing.

She raised her head to look at the ceiling. The god painted in the fresco was looking down at humans.

Looking at the smiling face of the god, Celian wondered what emotions might be hidden behind that smile.

‘Is it a pure smile, or is it hypocrisy shown only on the surface.’

It was a somewhat irreverent thought, but she chuckled and continued her thoughts. The Absolute had abandoned her long ago anyway, so why should she think about pleasing God?

If God had heard, He would have laughed. Asking why she came to the cathedral if she was so great. Don’t people come to the cathedral because they have nowhere else to go, a sign that they want to rely on God?

It was then that tears began to flow from Celian’s eyes. Her body, which had been standing straight, collapsed downwards as if crumbling. The chair just a few steps away was not even visible.

“Ah……”

A rough crying sound escaped from her mouth. Because crying tends to make sounds one doesn’t usually make, it could be dry even while containing a lot of moisture.

At the Duke’s mansion, there was always someone nearby. Whether it was Percy, Izer, Harris, or even the expressionless butler who relayed Harris’s words.

Celian couldn’t cry out loud where they were. Percy would be restless asking why she was crying, the butler would immediately report to Harris. Harris would try to persuade her gently, saying there’s a way for you not to cry.

And Izer Chesterfield–

Would he be happy?

‘I hate you, Miss Berienne. I want you to suffer.’

Celian understood Izer’s heart. No matter what others said, Izer’s life now was unhappy. At the beginning of it was Celian Berienne.

That’s why she didn’t want to interfere in his life anymore. Celian had to disappear from Izer. Only then could Izer be happy.

But the damned God, the owner of this cathedral, didn’t even allow that.

The tearing sobs now changed to whimpers mixed with empty laughter.

She looked up at the painted ceiling and asked.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“……”

“I know too. My father was a sinner. And I’ve been living luxuriously until now–”

Her words suddenly stopped. After her father died, her life collapsed too. The six years she spent, barely scraping by, were definitely not luxurious.

But it was better compared to the countless people who died in the war. At least she was alive.

Celian was silent for a moment before continuing. The eyes of God were staring directly at her.

“—I lived. Is this happening to me because I haven’t properly paid for my father’s sins?”

“……”

“Did I tell my father to advocate for war? Did I tell him to die? He should pay for his sins, why are you tormenting me!”

She screamed. Loud enough for the echo to reach that damned God looking down at her with a calm expression from the high ceiling.

No matter how much Celian cried and shouted, His expression remained consistently gentle.

A voice was heard from behind her.

“Sister, please sit in the chair.”

It was a priest who had come out to prepare for the dawn service. Sunlight poured through the window draped over the priest’s white robe. Celian put her hood on and stood up.

“I’m sorry.”

The guilt that hadn’t been felt towards God while cursing Him in front of His servant belatedly raised its head. The priest spoke to the woman getting up and dusting herself off as if it was okay.

“God embraces even resentment. If only that can bring you peace, Sister.”

“How generous……”

The words she was saying sarcastically to the priest were cut off. Something struck her mind.

Consideration is something only those with abundance can give. The reason God can calmly listen to both resentment and curses is because He has so much. Good deeds were a form of power and privilege, and Celian, who had nothing, had neither the ability nor the qualification to give up herself ‘for’ others.

It was when the priest who had been looking up at the ceiling painting with her turned towards Celian. The eyes of the priest holding a candlestick in one hand widened.

Colorful light piercing through the stained glass poured onto the woman. Her silver hair, close to white, sparkled in an ethereal color. Even to the eyes of a clergyman, considerable beauty was enhanced by a holy light.

The priest made the sign of the cross.

‘Oh, Lord.’

He had seen such believers numerous times. They resented God and found their own answers.

Their answers may not always have been correct, but the sight of them struggling to set a direction and move forward always deeply resonated with the priest.

Whatever worry was in this sister’s heart, he hoped she would reach peace, even if it took a little detour.

Just as the priest was about to take a step while thinking, a cheerful voice was heard from the direction of the cathedral door.

“Sister!”

“Beth!”

The silver-haired woman walked, almost running. It seemed to be her sister. It looked like they hadn’t seen each other in a long time. The priest moved away to not interfere with the sisters’ reunion.

Celian smiled as she hugged Beth. This child was the most important to her.

There was nothing else to consider.

Nothing at all.

* * *

Owen and the Berienne sisters had a meal together for once.

Young men glanced at the woman’s beauty visible under the hood, but that was it. It was because of her companion who glared at them with a murderous look whenever their eyes met.

The woman’s eyes were downcast as she looked at the mashed potato dish. Owen, who was about to speak to Celian, read the atmosphere.

Celian felt unfamiliar. There seemed to be a sense of distance that wasn’t there even when they met after several years.

Her face was the same, and if anything, her complexion was good, but Owen, with his keen eye, read the darkness deep in Celian’s eyes.

‘It must have been tough. Maybe I shouldn’t have told her to come to the capital……”

Owen’s personal feelings played a big part in informing Celian about the governess position at the Chesterfield mansion. He didn’t know it would be so hard to see her face even after she came.

Meanwhile, the woman’s thoughts flowed towards a single purpose.

How to seduce Izer Chesterfield.

The hatred Izer harbored for Celian was far greater than she had anticipated. It wasn’t just mere resentment for having one hand ruined. His mother who became a duchess one day, and his adoptive father famous for doting on that mother.

There was one person missing from their relationship that should have been between the mother and adoptive father.

‘Uncle Ren.’

It didn’t seem likely they had divorced. If David Ren had been alive, Izer would have remained a commoner, following his birth father instead of the adoptive father he despised.

So David Ren must be dead.

Was one of the reasons Izer resented her because he thought his father had died because of her too?

Like a butterfly’s wing flap causing a typhoon, many things in the world are intertwined. So even if Izer associated her with his birth father’s death, Celian couldn’t claim innocence.

Because she couldn’t completely erase what had happened in the past. Celian put down her fork. She had no appetite.

‘To seduce a person whose family was shattered because of me.’

She had nothing to mention about ethics, morality, conscience, or responsibility. Even if she fell into hell despite years of prayer, there was nothing she could do.

Celian thought, God wasn’t created to understand humans in the first place. He was there to watch humans and be intoxicated by His own superiority as an omniscient and omnipotent being.

He was no better than Harris Chesterfield. He too was like God in that he looked down on insignificant beings whose life and death he could decide as an absolute being.

Even if Celian told Izer she loved him right now, he wouldn’t believe it. There’s no words that would make Izer distance himself from Celian more than those.

But blindly avoiding him wasn’t the answer either. To win a man’s heart, one needed to spend more time by his side. That was an absolute law and rule.

So Celian decided. Maintain a balance of neither giving nor receiving from Izer. Become a doll hiding a knife in cotton, waiting for him to embrace her. There was no clearer way to stab Izer Chesterfield than that.

The woman who had chosen a sure path to hell for herself picked up a glass. The droplets on the glass filled with red pomegranate juice looked just like tears of blood.