Chapter 1

T/N: In NARRATIONS, I referred to Lyla (in disguised as Lyle) as a ‘she’ and not as a ‘he’.

‘Ugh, the smell of alcohol.’  

As soon as Lyla stepped into the bedroom, she covered her nose and mouth. The stench of wine filled the air, so strong it felt as though she had fallen into a vat of liquor.  

Carefully avoiding the empty bottles scattered across the floor, she walked cautiously. Then, her eyes were drawn to a massive figure shrouded in darkness.  

“Lord Kadis…?”  

Lyla hesitantly spoke, and Kadis sluggishly lifted his head. His crimson eyes gleamed ominously even in the shadows.  

“…Lyle.”  

Kadis slowly rose to his feet.  

The enormous figure, which had been hunched like a boulder, stretched endlessly upward. Once fully upright, Kadis swayed slightly as he approached Lyla with his towering frame.  

“L-Lord Kadis?”  

“…”

Kadis didn’t respond.  

His unsettling silence filled Lyla with dread. She retreated as much as Kadis advanced toward her. To her, Kadis seemed like a dangerous predator.  

‘Is he drunk? Ugh.’  

Lyla’s back hit the wall. There was nowhere else to go. Before she realized it, Kadis was right in front of her, his face mere inches away.  

As Lyla tried to step sideways,  

Thud.  

Kadis placed a hand against the wall, over her shoulder. Now, Lyla was completely within Kadis’s reach. Her escape routes were entirely blocked.  

Nervously swallowing, Lyla watched as Kadis finally opened his mouth to speak.  

“Be grateful, Lyle.”  

His voice, soaked in alcohol, came out in a murmur.  

However, as he tilted her chin upward with his other hand, his next words were crystal clear.  

“Tonight, I’ll make you a woman.”  

“…W-What did you just say?”  

“You’ll be the one to take my virginity.”  

Lyla’s vision went white at the shocking declaration.  

Virginity?  

So the rumors about us sharing a bed were lies after all…!  

Understanding the situation, Lyla calmly tried to reason with Kadis.  

“Please don’t say something you’ll regret, Lord Kadis. You’re very drunk right now.”  

“Regret? My only regret is leaving you behind to go to war.”  

Lyla, who had been trying to pacify Kadis, was rendered speechless by his unexpected response.  

She hadn’t expected him to bring that up now.  

Though startled, Lyla couldn’t deny that she shared the same regret.  

If only…  

If only she had gone to the battlefield with Kadis, what would have happened?  

Even though she was a woman, she had wanted to stand by his side, wielding a sword alongside him. The fact that she had sent him off to war alone weighed heavily on her conscience. Of course, even if she had gone, she would have only been a burden.  

Unlike her twin brother, Lyla lacked skill with a sword and wasn’t particularly good with a bow either. Her combat abilities were worse than those of a nine-year-old boy. If she had joined the battle, Kadis might have suffered severe injuries trying to protect her.  

In the worst-case scenario…  

‘Let’s not think about that.’  

Lyla shook her head inwardly.  

The war, which had seemed like it would last forever, was over, and Kadis had returned safely in the end.  

‘Sending the lord to the battlefield alone. As expected, the eldest son of the Cardia family is a coward. He’s not even a man.’

She wanted to stop dwelling on gloomy thoughts, but a voice that had once mocked her suddenly echoed in her mind.  

Lyla silently accepted that harsh criticism.  

After all, she wasn’t a man to begin with. She was merely a weak woman hiding behind the facade of her deceased twin brother, Lyle.  

But her desire to protect Kadis had been genuine.  

Even now, that hadn’t changed.  

She had always supported Kadis and his life.  

That’s why she had no choice but to push him away.  

Kadis deserved to be with someone kinder and more loving, not someone who had to live their entire life disguised as a man.  

“Hey.”  

Kadis’s sharp voice snapped Lyla out of her thoughts. His deep tone was pleasant to the ear, but his words carried the roughness of a street thug.  

When she widened her eyes in surprise, Kadis’s gaze turned fierce.  

That look was full of defiance.  

No, this time, it wasn’t defiance—it was obsession.  

“Are you thinking about that bastard in front of me?”  

“Huh? Who are you talking about…?”  

“Even when I was rolling around on the battlefield, you were probably exchanging letters with him, laughing together. Was it then? Is that when you fell for him?”  

“Are you talking about Professor Charlier?”  

When Lyla mentioned Charlier, Kadis’s eyes flashed with murderous intent.  

“You’re mistaken. I’m not into men, and I’m definitely not in that kind of relationship with Professor Charlier,”  

“I told you to stop saying that bastard’s name.”  

It was Kadis who had brought up Professor Charlier first. Lyla had only mentioned him to clear up the absurd misunderstanding. But Kadis seemed displeased even with that, baring his teeth like a beast to express his irritation.  

Through his clenched teeth, the heavy scent of aged wine wafted out. Just standing near Kadis made Lyla feel as though she were getting drunk.  

Lyla had always been weak to alcohol. There was even a time when she ate some liquor-infused bread—a common snack in the North—and ended up passed out for half a day.  

On the other hand, Kadis could drink an extraordinary amount without batting an eye. He was the only person who could remain composed enough to play chess after downing the notoriously strong northern liquor.  

But tonight, Kadis was acting like a man drowning in alcohol, slurring and rambling.  

Kadis had changed so much.  

Especially after the war, his transformation had been even more pronounced. It was only natural, considering the horrors he must have endured.  

When Kadis returned to the North after the war, he had avoided Lyla for a time. Then one day, they woke up in the same bed, and from then on, he began spouting nonsense about how they had done something, how he would make her his woman, and how he had given his virginity.  

Thinking back, Kadis had spent his entire youth, from the age of nineteen, on the battlefield. That incomplete age had passed, and he had grown into a mature man of twenty.  

‘He didn’t have the luxury to enjoy his youth because of the war.’  

And now, his pent-up desires were on the verge of exploding.  

“If it’s because you’re sexually frustrated…”  

“What, are you going to send a pr*stitute to me?”  

Lyla pressed her lips shut.  

If she had truly been a man, could she have casually introduced a pr*stitute to her lord, who was overwhelmed by his desires?  

No, even if she had been a man, she wouldn’t have done it. She had wanted Kadis to grow into a righteous person.  

“I don’t need a pr*stitute.”  

“!”  

As her thoughts deepened, Kadis tightened his grip on her chin.  

“How many times do I have to tell you? You’re the only one I need.”  

Before she could respond, his lips were on hers.