I wanted to tell you first. But today my mouth is too loose, so it’s obvious it would leak out the moment I know, so I’m writing this letter with my mouth firmly shut.

I just returned from school. I don’t know how hard it was walking quickly on the way back. By the time I opened my room door, I was completely exhausted.

But instead of collapsing without even changing clothes, I took out new letter paper and ink. Because I had to let you know this news first.

Rosette asked me to play together, but I had no choice but to refuse. Last time I refused because my health was bad, and the time before that because grandfather was feeling a bit unwell.

I hope she wasn’t displeased.

At the same time, I’m taking the risk that she might be displeased to tell you first.

Dear Cas, I have several things to tell you. Actually it’s one thing, but d*mn, I don’t know what I’m babbling about.

I hope you’ll understand roughly with your excellent reading comprehension.

Some time ago I submitted several short stories to newspapers. A month, no, it must have been almost two months. Anyway, that time you pushed my back.

I thought your suggestion was ridiculous then. But if I left it alone, you would continue, endlessly, to push my back so I wouldn’t give up—though I hadn’t even tried……

To be honest, I sent them to shut you up. To several quarterly magazines, daily papers, and newspapers as you said.

You know what I’m going to say, right?

One of them published my writing. And today, a check equivalent to payment came with a congratulatory letter. I just checked that letter and quickly wrote a reply. There’s an account Dad made for me when I was very young, so I plan to save it up and deposit it at the bank.

I’m trying to handle it quietly without grandfather knowing. It’s still somehow embarrassing to talk about.

Still, I thought I should let you know.

Cas, I’ll be honest with you.

I didn’t want to write stories, novels, or poems ‘seriously.’ There are so many people in the world who write well, and there are also many artists who consume their own bodies.

I know I’m not that passionate. So.

No, I’ll be more sincere.

I didn’t want to confirm that I had no talent. I was scared.

On an island where people with louder voices are more advantageous than those who write well, even if I ‘write best,’ compared to other cities—to the kingdom—what amazing ability could I have?

I didn’t want to be sincere. I didn’t want to take it seriously.

You know, Cas. If there is a god, that god wouldn’t be fair. Our hardships, misfortunes, adversities. They’re just what they are with no compensation. They’re neither tests nor punishments.

Believing that everything has causation, divine arrangement, is just human arrogance.

I accepted all the ‘unfortunate’ things I experienced this way. If mom and dad dying and having a much weaker body than others was ‘God’s will,’ that would be too unlucky. Too unfair.

So I thought God wouldn’t give me any ‘compensation.’ Misfortune is misfortune itself, not a foundation for good fortune.

It’s hard to explain, but that’s why I thought nothing else good would happen. If I swam well or was strong, I would have known already. But I was inferior to others in every field.

I didn’t want to confirm that even the only thing I liked, I was worse at than others. So I tried not to put the stories I wrote on the judgment stand.

Actually, I was the person who most wanted to evaluate their worth.

I still don’t know. Cas, do you know? I want to beg you for an answer, but opinions based on others’ standards might corner me.

So, Cas. I never thought I’d say something like this.

Just tell me it went well, that it will continue to go well. I know it’s baseless optimism. It has no utility. But……

You reflected that you complain a lot, right? But I’m not positive either. I’d look at myself with eyes that might be cool-headed or cold-hearted and feel pathetic.

Even now.

Both you and I have continued to see each other’s ugly aspects. This much is okay. With you it’s okay.

If someone else had rambled on with the same words you do, honestly I can’t guarantee I’d give a kind reaction. But Cas, you.

I don’t need to repeat again that you’re different from other kids, do I? Though I already have.

Thank you.

May 21st

Your Asha]

[To Asha, who has gained a new title—Writer

Good heavens, Sha!

Do you know how surprised I was when I received your last letter? As soon as I read the letter, I couldn’t do anything and just sat down and stood up repeatedly until my passing brother asked if I’d gone crazy.

But that point isn’t very important.

Your novel has become widely known to other people! However, sorry to dampen your joy, but Asha. You did something, one thing, terribly wrong.

How could you forget such an important thing?

Sha, you didn’t tell me which magazine or newspaper your writing was published in. Do you really want me to collect every magazine and newspaper in the kingdom?

If this is your test, it’s a very clever method, but for my tired sake, please show mercy. I want to ask what the content is in advance, but I’ll postpone that happiness. After I find out where your novel was published.

My friend, dear Asha.

It’s very good news. It will continue to go well. I guarantee it.

I have to cut this letter short because I’m writing hastily. I want to write more, but if I do, Father might personally walk over here.

Congratulations once again.

With endless respect and affection, Carol.

P.S. I’m the same way. Could there be another existence as important to me as you are?]

[To Carol

I sent that letter completely intoxicated with excitement. From before I received your reply until right after reading it, I didn’t know what to do with the rising embarrassment.

I’m ashamed that I made such a fuss as if I’d already become a popular writer just because one piece of writing was published. It was only published at the very end of the newspaper, in a very small section.

But I’m proud that money I earned ‘officially’ for the first time with my own hands is in my drawer. Will I be able to spend this money?

I have other news to tell you. You can probably guess by now. It’s something that always happens at this time.

The longest day is approaching. The atmosphere at school continues to be excited. Even though it’s the same dishes and order we have every year, the kids are pondering what to do.

My health has improved a lot recently, so I think I’ll probably be able to participate too. Many people who went to the mainland for work are returning for this party.

Don’t be surprised when you hear this, Carol.

I actually received an offer to be a piano accompanist! It’s not such a great position—you can count the houses with pianos on the island on one hand—but it’s amazing that my turn came around.

The person who played piano every year recently hurt their hand while mending nets. So another kid and I decided to split that person’s role.

Since I can’t memorize all the pieces, I was allowed to play different pieces from the ones played every year. When the piano has to play solo, that is.

So I decided to play several pieces you gave me. The rhythm is simple and it took over two years, but I’ve memorized almost all of them anyway. I need to master them perfectly during the remaining time.

Sometimes my hands transfer the notes before my head does. Like a pen moving smoothly against my will.

Several kids who commissioned love letters from me are completely elated because they can go to the party with someone they had their eye on. Those who aren’t are worrying about who to extend their hand to.

Lucio said he would ask Rosette to be his partner—what do you think will happen? Last year we went together including me, but Lucio left first to argue with other kids.

That’s how all village parties are.

Since it would be troublesome if the kid living in the next room wakes me from deep sleep while writhing from the pain of unrequited love, I should briefly pray for that kid’s good fortune.

If it doesn’t work out, there’s nothing to be done.

June 15th

Sent by Asha

P.S. The novel is in this issue of the quarterly magazine ‘Lakpochia.’]