Deep Boredom - Part 2

Standing tall, Chedev let out a faint sigh and removed her arm.

“Rasha.”

Somewhere within his visibly annoyed demeanor, there was a sharp sting.

“I’ll be in the bedroom as soon as I’m done with my tasks.”

“….”

“We’ll talk then.”

Again.

Once again, he puts me aside.

An indifferent and inconsiderate attitude, as if she were the very last priority, no matter what the tasks were. He treats that woman with such generosity, matching her pace and even giving her his arms. Why is it different for me. To me……

Unable to bear the burning sensation that surged through her as if boiling water, Rasha raised her head.

“I don’t want to.”

Don’t go to that woman.

“Stay with me.”

“Rasha.”

Although she was well aware that his expression was hardening, she couldn’t stop speaking. She was being controlled by her brain, but a whirlwind of emotions that had piled up inside.

“Don’t go…!”

“Don’t act like a child!”

Rasha was startled, first by the hand on her arm and then by the coldness of his voice, which she had never heard before. Her wide-open pupils filled with surprise.

He, too, seemed startled by his own loud outburst.

He roughly washed his face with a harsh touch, like someone struggling with unresolved issues. The sigh that escaped his smooth lips was heavy, and instead of dissipating into thin air, it settled heavily on Rasha’s heart.

Chedev glanced at her and squeezed his eyes shut. Earlier, it was annoyance, now it was embarrassment. For Rasha, who had watched him for years, reading his emotions was as easy as reading the words.

“Stay. Don’t make me say it three times.”

Rasha stared at him with a sunken gaze.

Seeing him openly irritated, the firm tone from last night suddenly came to mind. I have no intentions of breaking up with you, so don’t ever bring up those kinds of words again.

He was a contradiction.

Why would he refuse to let me go when he plans to marry another woman? If only he doesn’t act as if there’s even a hint of lingering attachment towards me, then I wouldn’t be so indecisive.

These days, he had no one to test him. Shallow hopes and intense torment alternated. Does he even realize that with just that, Rasha is going through heaven and hell? Whether he knows or not, she wished his attitude would change.

The consideration and respect that are essential between lovers faded along with the coldness of his heart.

Chedev gingerly turned to Rasha, who glared at him resentfully. However, he couldn’t make his way to the reception room, because she grabbed him again.

“You’re going to marry that young lady, aren’t you?”

Rasha’s voice was as wet as a cloth dipped in a bucket of water and then pulled out. Turning back to her, Chedev’s expression was complicated. He’s not confused about the decision to marry, but clearly trying to figure out how to appease Rasha this time.

“Then, what about me…?”

Rasha hated him for forcing this question out of her mouth. She hated him for bringing up this question about his relationship with another woman. Forcing her to find out for herself.

As she sat down, her self-esteem that still had some form was once again crumbling without any hesitation. But she couldn’t afford to monitor her own feelings. It was already burdensome enough for her to hold back her tears.

“What about me?”

It was weird.

Isn’t this relationship really strange?

One woman to marry, another to share a bedroom with. The man who once told me he still loved me and wouldn’t consider breaking up with me is marrying another woman. So, how can this relationship, in which a man tries to hide his lover of nearly seven years, and the lover is getting hurt, not inherently dysfunctional?

Does love even exist in such a relationship?

A dark shade fell over Rasha’s sullen face. Chedev had taken a step toward her.

“I’ve told you many times, this marriage is like a business to me that needs to be completed, nothing more, nothing less, so my marrying her won’t change anything between us.”

The touch that gently caressed Rasha’s black hair and stroked her cheek was the same as before. It had the appearance of sincerity and affection, but lacked genuine care. Instead of easing her heart, the insincere gesture only tangled it further.

She turned his words over in her head very slowly.

Nothing will change…….

“It will be the same as now, Rasha.”

Like now.

Like now?

Like now, where Rasha was trapped in the bedroom, unable to breathe as she pleased. Meanwhile, he could confidently enjoy the sunshine with his officially wedded partner, Lady Robeni.

The elevated Lady Youngae carries herself confidently, while I, who has fallen to the role of a mere concubine in the back room, hidden from the gaze of others and living in seclusion……

Rasha couldn’t hold back a momentary burst of suppressed laughter. What’s this, what on earth is this… It was an inexplicable feeling, causing her previously responsive throat to suddenly close up. It felt like something tightly twisted inside her was boiling up.

“I can’t keep her waiting for too long.”

“…..”

“So, you should also go back to the bedroom.”

Even in this mess of a situation, he prioritized his place with Lady Robeni.

Rasha’s grip on his arm, like a lifeline, gradually loosened. Chedev, who’s heading towards the reception room, didn’t look back once. His resolute and uncluttered demeanor took her breath away. His broad and sturdy back brought only a sense of bleakness, leaving her with no escape.

“Miss Rasha, are you alright?”

Verhine, the Lady Knight, Chedev’s escort, asked as she approached. Her tone was uncharacteristically stern, but the meaning behind it was cautious.

His knights never approached her without the Duke’s permission. No, they couldn’t approach her. Over the seven years, and the frequent humiliations Rasha had suffered at the hands of those around him, had naturally made him sensitive.

Verhine, who had faithfully protected his side, couldn’t possibly be unaware of it. Yet, seeing her approach her like this, it seemed that she found her appearance rather ridiculous.

“I will escort you to the bedroom.”

As if implying to hold onto her if necessary, Verhine’s hand reached out. Observing her hand, Rasha could infer that her complexion was pale to the point where it would be difficult for her to stand without someone’s assistance. A familiar sensation, like blood had drained from her feet, confirmed her assumptions.

Rasha lowered her head.

Verhine cast an anxious glance, but she walked alone, her steps echoing in the distance. Just as the sensation grew nearer, Rasha somehow managed to withstand it and made her way out of the corridor.

As the gaze following her disappeared, she felt her strength drain from her body. It was evidence that Verhine’s attitude, seen in front of her, was nearing arrogance. It was when she leaned against the doorway leading to the stairs for a moment.

“But, you know. What will happen to Miss Rasha if the master really gets married?”

Suddenly, a voice rang in her ears, discussing her name. Unconsciously, Rasha hid her body behind the pillar.

“Will she be driven out of this mansion?”

“Oh no, I heard she has been meeting the master for a very long time.”

“But still… Will Lady Robeni leave Miss Rasha alone?”

“Well, who knows?”

They were maids working in this mansion. The maids, who couldn’t have dreamed that Rasha would be standing behind the pillar, kept whispering incessantly.

“To be honest, I was surprised. I never thought the master would actually agree to the marriage proposal.”

“Who wouldn’t? Until Lady Robeni’s visit today, no one believed it. Didn’t the master adore Miss Rasha even against the objections of the previous mistress?”

“There has never been a love like theirs.”

“Does Miss Rasha know about the marriage proposal?”

“How could she not? They went out for a walk today.”

Caught up in gossip, they descended the stairs at a slow pace. During that time, Rasha couldn’t even catch her breath properly.

“If he really does get a wife this time, it’ll be interesting to see what the relationship is like. A wife and a concubine.”

“It’s not uncommon for noblemen to have separate wives and concubines, but…… the real mess will be the issue of succession.”

“Succession?”

“Think about it. What if Rasha were to bear the master’s child? Since the child didn’t come from the legal wife, it would naturally be out of the question to claim legitimacy. However, openly raising a child from wedlock is also a bit…..”

“Yeah, you’re right. At that time, the Lady won’t just sit back and watch, right?”

As Rasha listened to their conversation, she unintentionally clutched her stomach. She wanted to hide this secret life tightly, as if she wanted to protect it.

The voices gradually faded as their conversation continued. Only after they disappeared did she step out from behind the pillar and ascended the stairs. Each step she took felt heavy. Her head felt foggy, and her body felt as if it was spinning uncontrollably in front of her eyes.

She grasped the railing and somehow arrived at the bedroom.

The two meals she didn’t eat were left behind, emitting a chilling odour as they grew cold. Rasha opened the terrace door and sat on the sofa.

In the mirror directly in front of her, she could see her face, pale and weary. As she suspected, she looked terrible. It was also the kind of face that suited the dark, dreary room.

‘Getting married won’t change anything between us.’

‘It will be the same as now.’

His words reverberated in her mind. Rasha slowly turned her head. The vast view of the bedroom, which was too big for her alone, was captured in her pupils. She was sure of it, that this bedroom where she’s left alone, symbolized his response to their parting.