Deep Boredom - Part 2

A commotion could be felt from behind the umbrella. As Rasha turned around, Verhine also tilted the umbrella forward. In an instant, a forcefully swung forearm struck the umbrella. The white umbrella crumpled and tumbled to the ground.

In the sight of the disappeared umbrella, Chedev, who had awakened and rushed here without knowing how, forcefully barged in.

“Che…..”

Before she could say anything, startled by his unexpected appearance, he wrapped his arm around Rasha’s shoulders and pulled her into his arms. The temperature today was chilly, perhaps due to the rain. However, his body against hers felt warm, as if he had just emerged from a hot bath. It was evidence that he had rushed herein a frantic pace without a moment’s rest. The way he was panting and his wild heartbeat could almost be felt through his skin.

“Verhine.”

Rasha flinched at his low voice, which fell like his hair brushing against her forehead.

“You’ve lost your mind.”

The voice that enunciated each word as if chewing on them was chillingly cold, enough to freeze the veins. It was an obvious threat. Verhine quickly stepped back and bowed her head.

Rasha wanted to grab his arm and tell him that it wasn’t true, that she had forced herself, and to not blame her. But Chedev didn’t hesitate for a moment and embraced Rasha, not wanting to leave her outside.

His face, which met hers up close, seemed as if it had returned to the day of their reunion. It was the face of someone who had fallen into a world filled with various anxieties, unable to find any peace. Just because Rasha wasn’t by his side when he woke up from sleep, he lost control of himself like this.

It magnified the uneasiness floating like shards of glass in her heart.

After a while, the butler, who followed them closely, held an umbrella over them. However, Chedev was already drenched, and Rasha wasn’t unscathed either. Chedev stretched out his foot, not giving the umbrella a chance to shield them from the rain. It was a hurried pace as if someone was chasing them from behind. To him, the most important thing now seemed to be taking Rasha to a safe place.

“Bring a towel.”

After returning to the bedroom and gently laying Rasha on the bed, he gave the instruction. The butler silently retreated and appeared again with a towel. Then, before the command was even fully delivered, he bowed and left the room.

Rasha gazed at his arms as he carefully wiped her wet hair with the towel. The bandage was loosely wrapped and soaked with water.

“…..This.”

It was a faint voice, but Chedev stopped his movement as if all his attention was focused on her, and she reached out her hand to his injured area. Since the bandage was wet and loose, it was easy to remove. After a few turns, it quickly unraveled and fell to the floor.

Rasha’s gaze fixed on his wrist. Beneath the firm, coppery skin, blue veins were visible. The wound, which had faded but still bore the faint marks, was most prominent in that spot, as if it was just beginning to heal.

Cut doesn’t take that long to recover. Considering that it still remained to this extent even after some time had passed, it meant that the injury she had suffered back then was quite serious.

The moment she realized that, her lips parted.

“I can’t….. go on like this anymore.”

“Rasha.”

“I can’t spend my whole life like this.”

“…..”

“I’m trapped in this bedroom, unable to leave at my own will, and you’re constantly worried about when I’ll disappear….. Is this….. Is this okay?”

“It’s okay.”

“…..”

“If I can be with you, in whatever way, it’s okay.”

Chedev’s eyes were determined. They were so resolute that it seemed as if there was no other solution. His determination or obsession not to let her go was evident. Rasha firmly raised her head, looking into those indescribable emotions.

“I….. I’m not like that.”

Rasha tried to step away from him as if trying to avoid him. However, her attempt was restrained by his hand gripping her shoulder. She struggled, kicking and trying to move backward, attempting to escape from his embrace. But then her back was blocked by the bedroom wall. She was trapped, with the wall behind her and Chedev in front, like a wall itself, leaving her breathless.

“Let go, please, just let me go…..!”

“Why do you only think about running away from me!”

His outburst made Rasha’s eyes widen in surprise. But when she finally looked at his face, she was even more astonished.

Chedev’s eyes still burned fiercely, but they were also moist, with tears pooling in the corners. His eyelids blinked several times. As they did, the moisture that had been adding shine to his pupils formed droplets and rolled down his cheeks.

Chedev… was crying.

Rasha stared at the face in disbelief, because it was more unreal than any other scene. The tears were so subtle and intimate that even he didn’t seem to realize he was crying. Only Rasha could see the dark marks on Chedev’s cheeks.

Only now did she fully grasp the completely reversed situation.

It was always herself who had been waiting in the bedroom, crying. The frustration, injustice, sorrow, sadness, and pain—all of it belonged to her alone. But now, it was Chedev, of all people, shedding tears, hoping for the other person to be present in the bedroom. With just the fact that his heart had returned to a similar intensity as before, the positions of the two individuals had been thoroughly reversed.

Strangely, this ignited an unbearable anger within her. It felt like a hot lump of coiled-up fury bursting inside her. Rasha contorted her face as if she, too, were crying.

“Why, why now…..?”

“…..”

“What did you do when I was lonely and struggling?”

“…..”

“When you put me on the back burner and treat me like a whore. When you didn’t treat me with the slightest bit of respect, the slightest bit of value, and now you come and……!”

Rasha’s fists pounded against his chest, filled with resentment. Then, when she raised her head, she gasped for breath.

His expression, which had remained unchanged even when shedding tears, crumbled with each of Rasha’s words. The strength and resilience she had witnessed all along seemed completely shattered, making him appear so fragile. In the slightest breeze, he would disintegrate, resembling nothing more than a flickering flame.

And Rasha suspected that her own face wasn’t much different from his. Not even her tears. The clarity she had once had started to fade, as if her vision had become clouded. It felt as if she were looking at herself in a mirror.

Uncontainable sobs escaped her mouth.

“Rasha.”

She pushed away his reaching hand. However, Chedev continued to extend it. Even that action displayed an opposite aspect from before. The warmth he used to convey when he reached out his hand could no longer envelop her, which made her feel uneasy.

In response to his actions, the pent-up sorrow, disappointment, and gloominess, twisted like tangled threads inside her, erupted like an explosion. It was only now that Rasha realized what the heaviness she had felt throughout their time together truly meant.

It was the hatred born from the remnants of love and the unforgettable wounds.

It was the perfect mix of love and hate: She hated him, but it hurt her to see him hurt. She hated him, but she couldn’t fully reject him. She was happy that he’d found her when she’d thought he had forgotten, and she resented that he hadn’t realized why she’d made the choice to leave in the first place. That’s the source of her ambivalence and complexity.

Now, as she faced her true feelings properly, the tension drained away. Rasha, who had been sobbing and trembling, lost strength in her legs and slumped down. Startled, Chedev quickly embraced her and sat her down on the couch. He bent his legs in front of her, brought his face close to hers, and gently brushed his tear-stained cheek against her lips. His lips became moist with Rasha’s tears.

“Tell me….. that you still….. love me.”

“…..”

“That’s right. Yes?”

He asked, slipping his ring onto her hand, hinging between certainty and a boiling voice, sounding like a plea. Rasha pushed his chin away with her lips, glaring at Chedev.

“Yes, I love you.”

We’d been together for seven years, how could I have wiped you out in just a few months?

“But still, I don’t want to be with you.”

His hand clenched at the side of her knee. Blood pulsed over the back of his hand. Rasha’s firm words following the confession ruthlessly tore through his heart.

“I’m afraid of loving you…..”

“…..”

“I can’t bear to see your feelings cool off twice.”

Although what Rasha lost was only his love, her entire life wavered precariously.

She had realized how much it meant to her, how it supported her life, how it was strong, firm, and substantial. While she endured the fear of losing, she got hurt, and he only regretted after losing. But both Rasha and Chedev had come to know the impact the other person had on them.

She still loved him. How could she throw away seven years of being together just like that?

Yet, she couldn’t readily forgive him,

Because she discovered that he desperately searched for her and even attempted suicide, but she couldn’t accept it.

The reason she couldn’t endure facing his decadence again was that she had no strength. Just one time was enough to make her crumble to the ground. Experiencing it twice would undoubtedly lead her life to collapse completely. It was clear that it would become an irreparable state, plunging her into an unparalleled abyss once again. She wanted to avoid falling into that pitfall.

There was not only anxiety engulfing them. Rasha was also in the same state. The clinging anxiety between them felt like the aftermath of separation. Just as Chedev couldn’t let go of Rasha, she didn’t have the courage to continue their shattered relationship with his estranged heart.

And Chedev was well aware of her anxiety. Wasn’t it a feeling of bleeding inside every time he reflected on his mistakes? It must have been the same for Rasha, seeing him drowning in apathy. It was so painful and difficult that it was natural to be afraid.

He kissed the back of Rasha’s hand and rose to his feet, heading somewhere. He walked towards the reception room and then returned, assuming the same posture as before, locking eyes with Rasha. And he placed something in the palm of her hand.

Rasha’s gaze slid downward. It was a gem radiating a crimson light.

“Why…..?”

“I know that I am solely responsible for breaking the trust in our relationship. So it is entirely my responsibility to restore your trust.”

“…..”

“So I hope you will accept it.”

Chedev wrapped his fingers around her hand and made the gem move. As he did, something fluid shimmered inside. It contained an unknown liquid. Looking at Rasha, who seemed to not understand its meaning, he calmly spoke.

“What’s inside is my lifeblood. The blood of my heart.”

Unexpectedly, Rasha’s pupils trembled with surprise.

“If I ever break your trust again in the future, break the gem.”

“Then….. what happens?”

Chedev stared at Rasha without saying a word. With his determined and static expression, the answer could be deduced, and Rasha’s heart sank even though nothing had actually happened. The gem in her hand was small enough to be wrapped in her grasp, but it felt incredibly heavy to her.

Staring at her stiffened face, Chedev recalled the time before he went to Count Lippe.

Chedev was excellent in swordsmanship, but he had no knowledge of magic. Since he was the culprit, he needed someone skilled in magic to perform this task. So he requested the dispatch of a royal magician. The work to connect the carriage space with the interior for bringing Rasha directly to the bedroom was important to him, but above all, this task was the most crucial.

Based on the opinion of the royal magician, it was close to a clear curse. Placing magic on the blood drawn from the heart and putting it in a container meant transferring his own life essence.

The question he asked was not initially intended with a curse in mind. He simply inquired about a way to mortgage his life forever. And by doing so, he handed over his life to her.

Rasha easily understood its meaning. Her tear-drenched cheeks turned pale.

“Is there anyone else who knows this fact besides me?”

“No, there isn’t.”

The royal court magician entered into the task without knowing exactly who it was being performed on. His vision was obscured. Therefore, he believed that it was simply carried out for the important offender associated with Count Cécilion, as a means of intimidation.

“So, my life belongs entirely to you, Rasha.”

He’d put his life on the line as a way to inspire faith in a lover who had her heart broken by his boredom. It’s extreme, but it’s extreme nonetheless.

Yet, ironically, Rasha sensed a deep longing in his demeanor. This was the man she knew. This was the Chedev she knew, the one who looked at her so blindly, who made her focus all of her life on him, who made her depend on him completely.

In that moment, emotions that had not completely dissipated and were still gathered inside her swelled up, causing her eyelids to become moist and tears to fall in a brief, twinkling moment. They landed on the gem, which was as small as Chedev’s heart, in her hand. Strangely, Chedev felt his heart oscillating restlessly.

He held Rasha’s hand, which held the gem, and pressed his lips against the back of her hand.

“I won’t lose you again. Even if such a thing were to happen, I would rather die. So…..”

“…..”

“I’m sorry for hurting you.”

“…..”

“I have always loved you, Rasha.”

Not ‘I love you,’ but ‘I have always loved you.’

She thought her feelings had changed, but it was just mud that had stuck to the surface in the swamp of boredom. His heart, which had wiped it away, still shone brightly in a radiant red color. When Rasha truly felt his words in her heart, she couldn’t hold back her sobbing. Chedev wiped away her tears and gently pulled her into his embrace as he had done in the past.

This time, Rasha didn’t refuse his touch.