Chapter 18

“Because you weren’t here.”

Cal pressed kisses to Ellie’s palm.

“Do you dislike me? Why, why are you acting so cold?”

He was referring to how Ellie had acted outside. Since morning, Ellie had treated Cal as nothing more or less than a coworker. For Cal, it was more shocking than being treated as a stranger.

Ellie steadied herself again, refusing to let her resolve weaken. As if to prove it, she pulled her hand away from Cal’s grasp. Cal looked at her with a wounded expression.

“Cal, what do you want to do with me? You treat me like a lover. That’s not what I want.”

“Ellie, you know what I like… don’t you?”

She had guessed, but hearing the confession directly felt different. Ellie took a breath.

“Ellie, you like me too, don’t you?”

“Cal, that’s…”

“Then why not outside? Ellie, when you left like that, I had no way to reach you. It was despairing not to know anything about you.”

Cal gathered both Ellie’s hands. He kissed her hand desperately. When Ellie tried to pull away, he held even tighter, pressing his lips to her skin.

Their relationship had begun in Nyx’s night, and Cal’s efforts had brought it outside, but in reality, they were still nothing more or less than partners. He believed they’d grown closer, but in truth, they hadn’t moved at all. Cal felt frustrated by that.

“Ellie, I like you.”

“Cal.”

“I like you. I like you. I really like you, Ellie.”

“…Cal, I…”

“Is there something you don’t like about me? I’ll fix it.”

Without giving Ellie time to answer, Cal pleaded. Ellie couldn’t bring herself to push away the man who begged, promising to fix anything.

“There’s someone better for you, Cal. You’ll meet someone good.”

“And who decides who’s good? For me, you’re the good one. The person I like is you, Ellie.”

“…….”

Ah. How could he be so honest about his feelings? Ellie couldn’t do that. The first wound she’d received was so deep, she hid her heart ever since, refusing to give or receive it. She’d resolved to live that way, just as she always had.

Cal’s tearful blue eyes pierced Ellie’s heart.

***

In the end, Ellie could only ask for more time to think. She couldn’t push him away—maybe she didn’t want to, and was hoping for more time. Ellie liked Cal. She didn’t want his place in her heart to grow, fearing a future farewell, so she tried to push him away, but it wasn’t easy. Cowardly, she tried to run, but with Cal holding her hand, she could neither move forward nor back, and time just passed.

“Miss Elysia, did you hear where the staff dinner is tonight?”

“Oh, right, tonight’s the dinner?”

It had been scheduled weeks ago, but with all the trouble about Cal, she’d forgotten. As Ellie organized books, she glanced at Cal’s back between the shelves.

It had already been a week since she’d asked Cal for time. During that week, she avoided him as much as possible. She could see Cal’s face droop, but since she’d asked for time, he seemed to be enduring it.

“Miss Elysia, why are you so distracted lately? Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing. So where is the dinner?”

“You know that new restaurant up front? The director is treating us, so it’s there. Everyone’s excited about good food and drinks.”

“Oh, really? I’m looking forward to it.”

Ellie gave a hollow reply, wondering if she could avoid Cal at tonight’s dinner. But since he was an intern and she was his supervisor, she’d have to look after him. Just seeing his face was awkward, and now of all times there was a staff dinner.

Time seemed to pass quickly, and soon it was time to leave work. Ellie and Cal joined the library staff heading to the restaurant. When they divided by department, Ellie ended up sitting next to Cal, just as she feared.

“E…eat a lot, Cal.”

“…Yes, Ellie.”

Cal was happy just that Ellie spoke first, and that she was calling him “Cal” again. He smiled faintly. Ellie, feeling awkward, piled steak onto Cal’s plate. But Cal only sipped wine, not eating much.

After the meal, drinking began in earnest. Empty bottles piled up on the table, and the dinner atmosphere grew lively. Everyone laughed and chatted, but soon only Ellie and Cal remained at their table, surrounded by silence. Ellie had a glass of wine, but she couldn’t drink, distracted by Cal repeatedly emptying his glass.

“Um, Cal…?”

Seeing Cal open another bottle, Ellie unconsciously grabbed his hand. Worried he was drinking too much, she looked at him, but Cal only smiled sweetly.

“Cal, I think you’re drunk. Maybe you should stop.”

“Mmm, I’m fine.”

“But…”

“I’m happy because you’re beside me….”

He had a face that left her speechless. She’d been avoiding him, but he said he was happy just to be near her. He never complained or blamed her; just being together was enough for him. Ellie couldn’t say anything.

Night grew late, and finally the dinner ended. With the weekend ahead, everyone cleaned up their places after drinking without worrying about work. Ellie couldn’t leave Cal alone, so she stayed until the end.

“Miss Elysia, Mr. Calix is….”

Ellie looked at Cal in confusion. He had finished several bottles of wine and now lay passed out on the table.

“Does anyone know Mr. Calix’s address?”

A male coworker in a thin jacket asked around, but no one answered. Seeing everyone’s awkward faces, Ellie sighed and stood up.

“I’ll take him. You all go ahead. I’ll drop him at a hotel or something.”

“Miss Elysia, are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m his mentor, so I should look after him. Don’t worry.”