Chapter 14

Normally, he would have masked his displeasure with a deep smile or subtly pressured her, but this time, despite her cold attitude, Raphael didn’t seem upset. In fact, he looked amused. He spoke gently,

“If you don’t want to sleep with me tonight, I’ll just hold you. If that’s why you avoided me, I sincerely apologize.”

An apology?

Estelle was surprised by his words. He usually seduced her with soft words, but he was not the type to apologize so easily.

Has something changed in his mood? She hoped so, wishing it would stop him from doing anything reckless, but that wasn’t the case.

Estelle swallowed and asked,

“Why are you acting like this all of a sudden?”

“Just because.”

“‥‥‥.”

“I was thinking that if I’m about to become a husband, I should at least yield where I can to the woman who will soon be my wife. Though I can’t give you freedom in important choices.”

“So you’re saying you’ll give what you can and take what you want?”

Unable to feel reassured by Raphael’s unfamiliar attitude, Estelle spoke sharply. Even though she had just refused his touch, he didn’t stop approaching. Now he opened his arms.

“No, Estelle. What I’m saying is that I’ll give you everything I can. Except letting you escape from my embrace.”

For a moment, a trace of bitterness crossed the smile that never seemed to leave his lips. Estelle wondered what had made him so honest. He had shown his feelings for her before, but never like this…

He was someone who relentlessly tormented her, yet always sought her favor.

She asked,

“Even if leaving your embrace is the right path for each of us?”

“There’s no ‘each.’ It has to be together, because that’s how I’ll live. Estelle, don’t you agree, even a little? Even though you pretend not to, you’re secretly worried I might do something reckless in the capital. Isn’t your refusal because you want me to stay safe? Please, just tell me not to do it.”

How much did Raphael see through her feelings? Estelle couldn’t tell. But if her anxious sincerity were exposed, Raphael would only resolve to destroy himself even more.

Hearing someone say they would give their all to the person they love was incredibly sweet. The thrill was so intense, she almost wanted to become a fool for it. But if she got lost in that sweetness and failed to look around, she’d lose even what she already had. Just like Raphael….

Knowing that, she pushed him away fiercely. Knowing that, she never wanted to leave any blemish on the Young Duke.

Outwardly, he always showed the perfect image of a duke’s heir. If only he could let go of his feelings for her, everything would go smoothly.

Even so….

“Don’t you get tired of it? Even though I keep avoiding you and pretending not to see, you still think I’m worried about you… Aren’t you tired of your own delusion?”

“I’m not tired. Because it’s not a delusion.”

No matter how harsh her words, his resolve was always unshaken. It was so solid that, normally, she would feel suffocated or frustrated.

But today, a bitter feeling welled up inside her. She couldn’t understand why.

Unable to persuade or stop him, she felt she was unconsciously running toward the end. Maybe it was part of the process of giving up.

She laughed bitterly. Estelle had never confessed even a single piece of her true feelings to him.

Knowing it was a dangerous impulse, she felt like speaking up, thinking that tomorrow might really be the end.

Suddenly, she said,

“Then, Raphael, if it’s not a delusion and I truly want something, how far would you go?”

“‥‥‥.”

“How far would you go if you could be with me?”

Did she look like a timid prey finally biting at the bait he offered?

Under the night sky, his blue eyes gleamed. His gaze burned with passion.

Estelle no longer stepped back. She might regret tonight’s actions. Unconsciously failing to suppress her impulse and urging him to answer was almost like torturing herself with hope.

Still, Raphael gladly accepted it.

His moist chest touched Estelle’s nose. The musky scent filled her lungs.

He wrapped his arms around Estelle. His sweet voice fell above her head.

“I could go as far as overturning the Imperial Family of the Empire.”

Unlike his warm, solid embrace, his words were chilling. Rather than feeling regret, Estelle felt only sadness at that moment. She had desperately hoped the reality she saw in her nightmares—him drenched in blood—would never come true. Yet, his words stabbed her heart. Her wishes unraveled like broken threads.

Estelle didn’t want to show Raphael her tears, but her eyes had grown moist. Though she had asked, she suddenly felt angry.

It seemed she had to act out to stop the tears.

“That’s not it. If the Imperial Family and the nobility refuse to accept our marriage, you should say you won’t do it. That’s the right thing. That’s how we can protect each other.”

“Estelle….”

“That’s why you’re selfish. You’re trying to take me in a way I don’t want, and it’s shameless!”

At the end of her words, Estelle finally let out a loud cry and struck Raphael’s side and shoulder with her fists, mercilessly. With her face buried in his chest, she couldn’t look directly at Raphael’s expression. Her reason collapsed for a moment, so she acted out in anger, and her tears flowed freely.

Tears that had gathered at the corners of her eyes fell onto his chest. His skin, already damp from water droplets, grew warm as soon as her hot tears touched it.

Estelle’s shoulders shook as she kept hitting him, but Raphael never pushed her away. It was always Estelle who ended up exhausted.

Raphael, who usually would have smiled with amusement while looking down at her, showed no sign of leisure this time. Only,

“Don’t cry, Estelle.”

The passion that had been boiling slowly calmed. Was this her true self? The sight, seen for the first time, made his heart ache even more.

A lie might have aroused his sadistic side, but her sincerity seemed to suffocate him. The more persistently he tried to strip away her mask, the more joy there should have been. Strangely, that was not the case.

And suddenly, he realized. For him, Estelle was someone he wanted to have, no matter what. The moment he recognized it, Estelle became the top priority, even if he lost himself. That hadn’t changed even now.

He couldn’t act as usual, and that was the reason. Tonight, even if it was just a whim, it didn’t matter. He didn’t want to hurt her.

As he hugged the sniffling Estelle tighter, her scent lingered in his nose.

‘I’m sorry, Estelle. But I can’t help it.’

If you show even a bit of sincerity, I’m the kind of person who will bet everything on it.

He could never grant what she truly wanted. So, even as his hands soothed Estelle, he didn’t hastily offer words of comfort. All he could do was wait for her sobs to subside….

His hand gently patting Estelle’s back continued for a while.