Chapter 10

‘That always used to happen.’

To think that merely saying it aloud could make the people around her so gloomy.

When she herself no longer felt much of anything about it.

With a strange new feeling, Ailey moved her eyes.

The young maid who had just mentioned Kalan answered with a forced smile.

“But today is a bit different, Miss.”

“Different?”

“Yes. It’s not just anywhere, but an event being held in the inner palace, and Her Majesty the Empress is presiding over it.”

‘Ah, right.’

So today’s event was that.

‘The exhibition held in the inner palace of the Imperial Castle.’

It was rare for the inner palace of the Imperial Castle to be opened.

Even the previous ball, though held at the Imperial Castle, had taken place in one of the outer halls.

That was because the inner palace itself was strongly regarded as a private space for the Imperial Family.

This place had been opened in order to commemorate the Third Prince’s soon becoming an official priest of the Holy Kingdom.

The Empress had made a grand announcement that she would hold an auction of treasures from the inner palace.

Of course, those who knew the circumstances whispered that she was merely planning to cover the donation owed to the Holy Kingdom with the auction money.

‘Because it costs no small amount for a member of the Imperial Family or royal family to receive priestly consecration.’

Since they were likely to become high-ranking priests and influence the Holy Kingdom, the Holy Kingdom sought to receive that price in money.

And on top of that, she vaguely remembered Kalan whispering with his friends that any money left over would probably be intended to refill the Imperial coffers a little as well.

The maids’ eyes shone.

“To think there’s an auction for treasures once owned only by the Imperial Family. It’s incredible.”

“They say there are even relics of the Holy Kingdom and things related to the Golden Temple.”

“Oh, please. Even so, there won’t be anything our family could afford to buy.”

“But still! You’ll at least get to see them with your own eyes!”

The younger maids chattered that way, but the older maids looked at Ailey as though hoping that, of all days, nothing would happen today.

Their eyes said it would be enough if she did not return in tears again after being disappointed by Kalan.

‘It seems I really made quite a spectacle of myself when I was drunk.’

She could not tell whether it was fortunate or unfortunate that she remembered none of it.

Ailey touched the rims of her ears, which were reddening in embarrassment.

“There now. You’re almost ready.”

When the preparations were finished and she looked in the mirror, she saw herself in a bright yellow dress.

It was the kind of dress that wrapped her up from head to toe and puffed everything out, slightly out of fashion for a young lady.

‘Another dress to Grandmother’s taste today.’

When she went out with a sigh, her grandmother, already finished with her own preparations, was waiting for her.

“Ailey.”

“Grandmother. Did you sleep well?”

Her grandmother nodded and looked Ailey over from head to toe.

Then she smiled in satisfaction.

“You look much better today.”

“…….”

“That dress you wore to the last ball…… do young people these days really go around wearing things that shameless?”

“Ha ha…….”

‘Come to think of it.’

That dress she had worn to suit current fashion and Kalan’s tastes had not been seen since that day.

‘Did Grandmother put it away?’

That night after the ball, fragments of her grandmother’s long stream of criticism of the dress came back to her.

“My goodness, Ailey. What in the world is this. Your chest is practically showing!”

“Only the collarbones and the upper chest were showing…….”

“And yet a young lady exposing that much bare skin! I truly cannot understand these fashions these days!”

She had been that outraged.

So it would not have been strange at all if she had ordered the maids to dispose of the dress.

‘……Still, I thought it was pretty.’

Since it was the first dress she had personally gone out of her way to plead with a designer for, she had grown a little attached to it too.

How much had she walked around for that one thing, and how much had she agonized while holding back on the things she wanted to buy so she could save money for the dress?

‘And I drenched something like that.’

She had thought she would treasure it and wear it carefully, since it was such a precious dress.

Yet in the end, she had ruined it in a mood of letting whatever happened happen, whether it got soaked with alcohol or not.

And was that all.

In her dreams and imagination, she had even made it into an outrageous sight, drenched in all kinds of fl*ids…….

In an instant, her regret vanished, and burning heat took its place.

‘Right.’

It was better that it was gone.

‘Otherwise every time I saw it, I would have remembered that dream.’

That indecent and disorderly dream.

How could a v*rgin like her have such a dream?

The thought made her feel embarrassed all over again.

“Ailey.”

It was while she was pressing her palms to her cheeks to cool the heat.

Her grandmother, who had been silent for a while, turned to Ailey and opened her mouth with a stern expression.

“I heard about what happened a few days ago.”

“…….”

“I hear you fought with Kalan Ledaire.”

Well, of course.

After all that uproar in the ballroom, there was no way it would not have reached her grandmother’s ears.

It felt like the inevitable had finally arrived.

‘What if the scolding drags on forever.’

Ailey tensed.

If her grandmother had also seen her return home drunk that day……

But unexpectedly, her grandmother pointed out only one thing.

“‘Wh……ore,’ of all things. How could you put such vulgar language in your mouth.”

“…….”

“When you see Kalan, apologize politely, and never use such crude words again.”

‘Huh.’

Did she not know about the other things?

Otherwise, there was no way she would point out only that.

A little confused though she was, Ailey had no intention of confessing anything.

She had no desire to stand here for hours listening to her grandmother’s long lecture.

“Yes. I’m sorry. I’ll do that.”

“…….”

“I’ll meet Kalan, apologize, and behave like a mature fiancée.”

Instead of doing as she usually did—adding a long protest beginning with ‘But Kalan started it first……’ and pouring out her sense of injustice—Ailey answered calmly.

Her grandmother lifted her brows as if surprised, but……

‘Nothing changes even if I argue.’

Considering how strict her grandmother was, even if she protested or insisted on herself here, she would hear nothing good.

Only her own feelings would be hurt, and once again she alone would become the childish, ill-mannered young lady.

‘And.’

She did not even have the time to dwell on her negative feelings toward Kalan.

Because what she had felt from that union with the man in her dream was far stronger.

Rather than spending time being angry at Kalan, she was too busy turning that man over and over in her mind.

“I promise, Grandmother.”

‘Of course, I have no intention of apologizing to Kalan.’

Did she really need to apologize?

As always, it had been Kalan’s fault.

Hiding those true thoughts and answering meekly, Ailey watched as her grandmother smiled proudly, as though she had finally decided Ailey was growing up.

“You’ve thought well.”

“Yes.”

“Young Master Ledaire really is the sort who does not know moderation when it comes to his amusements.”

Then she subtly offered a carrot.

Whatever the case, her grandmother cared for Ailey in her own way.

“One can understand it, since he is a young man, but at times he really goes too far. Even his father, Marquis Ledaire, was not such a libertine.”

“…….”

“But still, it is fortunate Kalan is not a man like your father. Your father only ever wanders outside…….”

“Father is busy because of his expeditions, that’s all.”

“Even so, that man, even when the family was struggling and our fortunes were declining…… ah, well, in any case, Young Master Ledaire will soon grow up and become a family-minded man.”

“…….”

“Cheer up, Ailey. Once the wedding is held, many things will change.”

Even when she taught sternly and scolded harshly, in the end her grandmother was still the sort to soothe her in the final moment.

Ailey looked across at her and smiled gently.

‘Who knows.’

That thought, too, she kept hidden.

Ailey knew now.

On the day of that ball, as she watched Kalan not come looking for her, she had finally understood it completely.

He was not the kind of man who would change.

Perhaps that was why she no longer even felt sad.

Anything involving Kalan had always been, for the most part, a string of resignation, and then more resignation.

Because those had been days that dried up her blood, days in which he would neither let himself be fully within her grasp nor hold her hand.

By now, she felt it was about time to grow used to it.

‘That way, at least, it would cost me less emotion.’