“Anyway, if you look closely, it looks like you’re swearing”

Esca retorted casually, skillfully dodging the newspaper.

“Now, how do you feel about your fourth breakup scene being distributed across the continent? Your Highness.”

“Please stop being rude to His Highness, Viscount…”

The young officer who was watching their reactions discreetly slipped away. Viett glared at Esca, who was getting on his nerves, before turning his gaze to the newspaper. Skipping most of the unread portion, he focused on the very last scene.

「— Get out of here! I’ve told you many times that I don’t want to see your face!

She pushed me hard and then slapped my cheek hard.

Smack! The sharp sound made my ears ring momentarily.

‘I’ve had enough!’ I could have grabbed XX’s hair and shook it while saying, ‘This is real!’ in anger, but I didn’t. Tormenting someone who’s experiencing the pain of a breakup would surely incur divine retribution. (Of course, I am already receiving enough punishment…)

 — Leave me alone!

In fact, before I could grab her hair, XX burst into tears and ran off into the distance. The biggest problem was that she ran off crying before I could even touch her hair.

I rubbed my lukewarm cheek and thought of Prince XX. Even if I were to be arrested for insulting royalty, I wanted to speak out loud.

— You scoundrel!

I walked unsteadily towards my quarters, hoping for the day when I could speak in front of the prince.」

Viett quickly read through the novel and covered his throbbing forehead with his hand.

Damn it. I really, really f*cked up. Sh*t.

PART 1.

Chapter 2. Psycho Pepe

「<Pepe: 76XX Days Since Birth!>

※ This propaganda novel contains inappropriate content for children to read.
※ Characters who are part of the Little Lord’s family and those who are not are marked as XX.

In my homeland of Westenia, there exists a special institution known as ‘Little Lords’.

A man and a woman of excellent lineage are selected, and the child they give birth to is appointed as a Little Lord, making them the protagonist of a serialized newspaper novel.

This was the role of the Little Lord: to inspire national pride by publishing daily stories about the lives of the people.

The 11th Little Lord was a girl.

The first Little Lady. In other words, it was my birth, Pepe.

Thus, through the serialized newspaper novel <Pepe>, I exposed every detail of my daily life to everyone. (Or rather, should I say it was exposed forcibly rather than voluntarily?)

Whether I wanted it or not, the magical typewriter that records the daily life of the Little Lady never stopped.

For example, this is what happens. That terrifying typewriter can see through my innermost thoughts, so it writes down everything, even the parts I want to keep secret, in the novel.

It’s impossible to lie. For instance, if someone asked me, “How do I look in this outfit?” My response would be, “You look great!” mechanically.

But the next day, the novel would reveal my true thoughts, saying, “Actually, it’s not that great…” (That’s why in my life, there’s no such thing as ‘white lies.’)

My school days were quite bleak. I couldn’t even write a secret diary like everyone else because all my thoughts were written down and made public in the novel.

My friends never shared their secrets with me, and even those few friends I had gradually drifted away.

I understand all of them. I’ve never harbored any resentment. (Well, actually, I do resent them! Thinking back, it was too much to be treated like an invisible person and ostracized throughout my school days.)

Imagine how embarrassing it must have been for those kids who came up to me and gossiped without knowing anything about me. Not only did the victim witness the moment of gossiping about others, but so did the entire nation.

This situation repeated itself, and before I knew it, only XX remained as a friend. My precious academy classmate and former roommate during my school days, XX.

After graduating from the academy, I couldn’t meet that person anymore. I only came across news that XX had gotten engaged to a prince.

After completing nursing assistant training and coming to Castonia, I finally reunited with that person. I met that person inside the dormitory used by nursing assistants.

— Hey, Pepe. Why are you so strange?

Those were the first words that person said to me after a long time.

— You used to be quiet during our academy days. Few words. No expression.

— Was that so?!

— It was. But now you talk too much!

That person seemed somewhat disgusted with me. But as a prospective princess, she quickly put on an elegant expression.

— By the way, these days people call you psycho.

— Really?

— Yes.

— Yes!

— Oh dear, have people gone crazy or something… Have you been using drugs? People say what you do is just like a drug addict.

Despite clicking their tongue as if feeling sorry for me, XX still let me share their room. When everyone avoided sharing a room with me, that person once again smiled and offered to be my roommate.

— You don’t use drugs, right?

— I don’t use anything like that!

— If you do, give them all to me. Before your brain gets messed up, I’ll get rid of everything.

— I have nothing to give you.

That person looked at me unjustly and thoroughly searched through my bag. She made a disgusted expression while revealing that her older brother died from drug addiction. (That person’s brother was reported to have died in a fall accident last year, so this secret is being exposed again.)

Of course, she didn’t find any drugs. (Of course not!)

After breaking up with the prince not long ago, she left the room we shared and never came back.

If I safely return to Westenia one day, I really want to apologize to XX. (Of course, she should also apologize for slapping me!)

……….

Today started with being summoned to the interrogation room within the headquarters. Contrary to my imagination of it being a place for interrogating war prisoners, it was a very simple and neat place.

There were no torture devices or bloodstains visible; only a lone wooden desk placed in the center of a small room.

One peculiar thing was that there were no windows in the interrogation room. Thus, I couldn’t tell how much time had passed and instead observed the young female officer sitting across from me.

She elegantly adjusted her sophisticated glasses and carefully examined the file containing clippings from the novel <Pepe>.

Glancing over it sneakily, I noticed that everything from XX’s breakup with the prince to yesterday’s installment was all clipped in there.

Even in the line where I cursed XX Prince as ‘scoundrel!’, isn’t it underlined in red with a ruler? (In an instant, my heart made a thumping sound and fell.)

I must have been caught for insulting the royal family. As my thoughts flowed there, cold sweat formed on my cold forehead.

— Excuse me… Am I being taken for insulting the royal family?

— That can’t be true.

The female officer lowered her head and covered the file with a ruler.

— Actually, it felt refreshing. If the person I insulted was not the Second but the First, it would have been more delightful.

I was shocked and blankly stared at the face of the female officer. Can I say such things? The first prince is the heir loved by all the people of Westenia…

— At this rate, the officer will be taken for insulting the royal family!

— Haha, even if it’s the royal family, they can’t censor individual actions. Or else they won’t be any different from Easton dictators, right?

— Right. There’s an old saying that goes like this, isn’t there? In a place where there is no one, you can even curse the king.

A sharp voice came from beyond the open door of the reception room. I was startled and turned my head towards the door. A noble lady was walking briskly into the reception room.

It was Captain XX, dispatched as the head of the field hospital from the Department of Magic.

— Why are you dragging an innocent kid to the reception room from early in the morning?

The Captain glared fiercely at the female officer. The officer said, ‘It’s just a formal procedure’ as she finished organizing the file.

— I’ll leave now!

With the appearance of the Captain, I quickly gathered myself and ran to the door.

— Wait!

The female officer stood up from her desk and took a step towards me. Then she reached out for a handshake.

— It might be awkward to say this now, but I’m really a fan.

She grabbed my hand tightly, shook it up and down, and smiled beautifully.

Then she quickly went out of the reception room. The Captain looked at her retreating figure suspiciously and whispered to himself.

— You psycho, don’t you know who that officer is?

— I don’t know!

— My goodness, what a pride! Don’t you even read the newspaper?

The Captain clicked his tongue and walked briskly towards the exit.

— Let’s go. Many patients rushed in due to an explosion incident.

I followed behind the Captain, who shook his head in annoyance.」

* * *