It wasn’t a joke. His gentle voice was brighter than when we’d met at the mail room, but there was no playfulness in it.

‘If it’s too much trouble……’

‘You knew I was an actor…..’

‘Of course,’

‘Would that really be a gift? Do you really want to see me act?’

The boy I liked nodded slowly. I promised while tightly gripping his left hand—or perhaps his right, or maybe both.

I’ll do my best, I’ll work hard, I’ll do well, I’ll make sure you won’t regret it, I’ll show you properly….. Without any hesitation, I confidently assured him and pulled him along.

The sunlight shining down was dazzling.

※※※

Thanks to the school’s unique founding philosophy, there were many opportunities to perform on stage. Once you submitted an application and auditioned, you could get at least one role. Even minor roles—like wearing a mouse costume and rattling a bucket—weren’t a problem if they increased by one or two.

But I wasn’t satisfied with being ‘Bucket 3.’ I wanted more important roles. I wanted to stay on stage even one second longer. I wanted to remain forever as someone other than myself while facing the audience.

Reality wasn’t so accommodating, though.

‘Humble. What are you doing there?’

‘I was the best.’

I knew it. Even if I cried as soon as the cue came and memorized the entire script, the lead would go to the prettier girl next to me. It had been that way since I enrolled, so it wasn’t surprising.

One’s commitment to the work didn’t matter. As long as they weren’t disruptive, the protagonist was always assigned to the cool, popular student. A strategy to draw responses from as many audience members as possible. For a school play festival rather than a professional school, it was a reasonable decision. The audition itself was essentially a popularity contest.

Still, even so.

‘I was the best……’

The curtain call spotlight didn’t shine on me. My name wasn’t among the cheers and exclamations. The only flower I received was a single lily that the drama teacher distributed to all cast members.

‘I thought I did much better than during rehearsal.’

‘You’re right. You were the best.’

An unexpected answer came back.

‘The best among those who stood on stage.’

The boy who was called upon at every school event by students and faculty alike took one step closer to me. In his formal attire, he looked like a proper young gentleman. A rich young master with deep appreciation for fine cuisine and art.

The cuffs adorning his sleeves sparkled slightly. He was truly perfect and completely out of place at the bottom of the stairs where not even an ant would pass.

‘Jin, why are you here instead of going home? Don’t tell me you were looking for me?’

It was easy to disguise sincerity as a joke. I casually touched his fingers, his nails, his second knuckle, and the bones on the back of his hand.

Instead of answering my question, he changed the subject.

‘Aren’t you going to dance?’

‘I don’t like crowded places.’

‘Ah.’

‘……And I have no one to dance with.’

‘What about me?’

If I said I hadn’t imagined that answer, I’d be lying. Because—

He came here.

The most popular boy in school came to the dim staircase instead of the brilliant center of the hall.

‘We can hear the music from here too.’

In that humid late summer, with both the wind and my heart damp, I completely forgot how not to expect things from the boy I liked.

I wanted to be something to him, and in moments like this, it felt like I truly was. As if I were the sole exception for someone who rarely allowed others close.

‘So, are you suggesting we dance here together?’

‘If you don’t mind. ……Oh, right.’

He pulled white gloves from his inside jacket pocket, put them on, and extended his hand.

‘Miss Perry Humble, would you grant me the honor of this dance?’

There was barely any light, but I could tell. Or perhaps I had simply decided to believe it… but the boy I liked never took his eyes off me.

Probably from the moment he called my name.

‘Gladly.’

I bent my knee slightly, like a scene from a classic novel. When I placed my hand on his, I could feel how much bigger he was. I tried to appear as graceful as possible, but in truth, dancing was the last thing on my mind.

‘Did you see my play?’

‘I did.’

‘How was it?’

‘It was impressive.’

‘Really?’

The music was slow, and our steps were even slower. I suspected that dancing was secondary for him too. We moved very slowly, with gestures closer to mimicking dance than actually dancing, facing each other.

‘Someday I want to become an actor performing at the Royal Theater.’

‘Yes.’

‘As the sole protagonist! Wouldn’t it feel incredibly happy to stand on stage every day? I’ve only been to the Royal Theater once, but even the first floor had so many seats. The stage was huge and tall. I watched from the third floor, but— the actor’s presence rose all the way up there. It was truly amazing.’

‘I see.’

‘To become that kind of actor, I’d have to be really good, right? The competition must be fierce, and the Royal Theater doesn’t cast newcomers. Oh, I’d also love to have fans.’

‘Fans?’

‘If there were people who appreciated my acting… I think that would make me truly happy.’

I was so excited that I rambled on about things he hadn’t even asked about. Actually, by then, I had grown accustomed to sharing such frivolous thoughts with him.

Because I loved when he looked at me, I wanted to say anything at all.

‘I’ll……’

If I had known he would say such things, I would have kept my eyes on him instead of staring at my poor feet.

Does he know? That whenever my heart wavered, I leaned on those words.

“To Actor Perry Humble……”

Did he know everything and send this letter?

That’s impossible.

After that incident, he left just like that. Without any greeting or explanation…..

‘I’ll be your first fan.’

The handwriting with its elongated vowels caught on my fingertips. Though it wasn’t braille, my skin stung as I ran my fingers over it. I picked up the most presentable pen I had.

[First fan—what an incredibly sweet phrase. I’ve been waiting for someone to say that to me for a very long time.]

SCENE 8. How Could I Not Know?

[Dear Yuan,

Thanks to you, I survived, Yuan! Oh, I should say this first, shouldn’t I? I’m fine. Thanks to you, I returned home safely. I wanted to write immediately, but with hospital visits—you must have heard there was nothing wrong—and going to rehearsals, I simply couldn’t find the time.

Were you worried? You must have been surprised to hear about me during your briefing. A stranger calling and claiming to be your pen pal! I would have understood if you thought I was a scammer.

Oh, please pass my thanks to the person who took the call. They responded very calmly even when I suddenly called your name. If they had said, “What is this, a prank call?” and hung up, I wonder if I could be writing this letter now… Only the witch Isobel would know.

I’m joking.

Anyway, thank you. And I’m sorry too. To think I’d send a distress signal to a pilot right before a flight! Did I cause you to miss your flight? If so, I wouldn’t be able to sleep from guilt.

You were the only person I could think of that day. Is that too burdensome? You’ll forgive me because we’re friends, right?

Hmm, so, I arrived safely. Oh, I already said that. Sorry, my frozen hands from that day must not have recovered yet.

I’m joking.

Anyway, since I returned safely thanks to you, it’s my turn to explain the situation. Otherwise, I don’t know how far your worried imagination might stretch.

Well, it’s trivial family business. I’m glad I told you about my parents before. Remember? The two people who love me sooo much want me to stay quietly in my hometown and marry someone ordinary.

One more thing. After my eyesight deteriorated, my parents tried every method to find a cure. At first, it was just going from hospital to hospital.

But after the most renowned ophthalmologist in the kingdom declared that I “must adapt and live with it,” they turned their attention in a completely different direction. They dragged me everywhere looking for unverified treatments. Folk remedies, pseudoscience, cults…..

At first, I was cooperative. When I was young, I wasn’t used to living with low vision, so I wanted to return to the days when I could read magazines without assistive devices. But my parents were much more fanatical. They acted as if they had received my death date.