‘Rather than me, wouldn’t it be better to ask…… family members? Like his cousin?’

‘Of course I tried asking.’

He raised his thumb and joked.

‘Not a chance.’

He had a talent for lightly glossing over serious situations. His personality was completely different from the man’s, which made Perry think of him even more.

“Here it is.”

“Ah……”

Perry stopped in front of the entrance and looked up at the mistletoe decoration above. It was a familiar outline. A witch’s creation that might have been hanging at Perry’s front door if she hadn’t been petulant.

“We unlocked it with a temporary key, but still couldn’t enter.”

The brass doorknob kept slipping from the pilot’s hand. After a few more demonstrative attempts, Perry switched places and pushed open the antique door.

The door opened far too easily.

“As expected…… Then I’ll wait on the first floor, if you don’t mind.”

His tone was nonchalant. While Perry was actually too surprised to enter and hesitated, the guide moved away as if he had expected this. Her feet, which had remained frozen in place for quite some time, only moved hurriedly after the angle of the transmitted light had shifted obliquely.

Reception room, bedroom, study, kitchen. Perry recalled a letter she had once read. The residence was larger than she had imagined, and for such a place, it had relatively little furniture or decorative items, making it easy to walk around. And……

“Reading isn’t a hobby, he said.”

Perry unconsciously faltered at the books filling an entire wall. But soon an even greater curiosity tickled her. Perhaps the report might be in the middle of that dense bookshelf, her light brown eyelashes drew close enough to touch the book spines.

“General knowledge…… Huh?”

Perry’s eyes widened as she looked around at heights the man’s hand could reach. After checking the cover by touching the spine, she muttered blankly.

“What is this?”

<Writing a Refined Letter>. The title embossed in an elegant font didn’t change no matter how many times she read it. Perry only put the book back in its place after examining the promotional phrase below—Epistolary etiquette every honorable kingdom citizen should know.

That wasn’t the only related book. <Sending a Letter Without Ever Making a Mistake>, <The Fundamentals of Correspondence>, <Fifty Letters the People of the Kingdom Remember>, <Great Figures Are Different Starting With Their Letters>,  and so on…… Her hand, tracing the spines, opened one book as if entranced. He must have read it quite diligently, as some pages had lines drawn through them. Perry frowned, trying to check the highlighted sentences, then gave up.

“He’s really dedicated……”

No wonder the greetings in their early letters were so grand; despite her hollow tone, her lips formed a gentle curve.

But it was too early to indulge in memories. This was the space where the man had lived for years, and his traces overflowed from everywhere. In other words—

It also meant there was no better place to guess his hidden feelings.

“This is ridiculous, really.”

Her hand turned the file binder slowly. The neatly cut papers were carefully preserved as individual sheets. Pages featuring actor Perry Humble’s name. Imagining him cutting newspapers or magazines with those large hands made her want to laugh. No, Perry couldn’t laugh.

Behind the few articles were theater tickets of different sizes bundled in chronological order. From 「Shuli and the Lady」, Perry’s first stage appearance, to the last ticket for 「Parade Night」, which closed last summer.

“When did he see all these……”

From the letters alone, Perry couldn’t tell how much the man had watched her plays. She had only assumed he’d seen a bit more than others.

It wasn’t a lie. The man was Perry’s fan. An extremely passionate and devoted fan.

A strange fan who prepared bouquets but never stayed for an autograph. Perry lightly clenched and unclenched the hand that had once embraced a bouquet.

The bookshelf wasn’t filled only with reference books and scrapbooks. There were also original novels of plays Perry had participated in, books likely related to his profession, and…… attempts to thoroughly understand one person.

Perry realized that an entire bookshelf was dedicated to a single theme. From medical books about low vision to essays written by the visually impaired, papers printed with last year’s date, and—

<Self-Learning Braille>.

“I thought it was a joke.”

No, in fact, she knew it was sincere. The man was more strait-laced than he appeared. The pen pal who was utterly devoted to Perry Humble had asked if she would like to communicate in Braille. Though she had declined since it wasn’t a method she used often……

“Did he really study it?”

If so, how much? Though there was no one to answer her questions, Perry quietly imagined the possibilities. Perhaps the man had learned about 80% of Braille before bringing it up. He wasn’t the type to make empty promises.

Perry finally understood the man’s actions, which had sometimes seemed almost too skillful. Explaining arranged food in a clockwise direction, not making loud noises, not hastily omitting details when explaining something……

It wasn’t simply the manner of a well-mannered young gentleman. It was an attitude cultivated solely for one person.

I respect you, Perry couldn’t precisely recall what his unusually low voice had been.

The documents were on the bedside table. Unlike his letters to Perry, his scrawled handwriting was interspersed between the printed text. Despite finding what she had been asked to retrieve, Perry couldn’t leave. Not just because the room owner’s scent was poignantly strong.

“Dear, Pe…rry.”

Crumpled and pushed aside letter paper. There were so many discarded letters that they looked like a large mass at a glance. Perry brought the paper close enough for her eyelashes to press against it. The letter addressed to the recipient had large, clear handwriting, making it not too difficult to read.

“I still— don’t know if I can call you this……”

The hand holding the letter paper trembled finely. The heart Perry had been searching for was there.

※※※

[Dear Perry

I still don’t know if I can call you like this. You were very angry, saying we should stop this letter business. I thought your anger was quite reasonable. No, I even thought it was insufficient. Because…]

[Perry, I was surprised you sent a letter first. I thought you were determined never to see my face again. But that wouldn’t be strange at all. Perhaps this distance is just the standard for an actor and fan. What I’ve been hoping for—or more precisely, what I believed I hoped for.

You not being conscious of me while I one-sidedly support you. Following your growth like other audience members without influencing you…… That’s certainly what I wanted at first. Though now I doubt even that feeling. Perry, you asked how I think of you. I]

[I’ve hesitated many times whether to send letters or not. Sometimes I thought it would be better not to send any, as you requested, but then it seemed I shouldn’t do that. As if someone had struck lightning into my head…… It felt like the vague thought ‘I shouldn’t do that’ was gripping my head and shaking it. I couldn’t tell what was best]

[I didn’t intentionally try to hide it. No, even saying this is probably deceptive. Regardless of the catalyst, I deceived you. Even if the clever you weren’t fooled.

Perry, you once felt hurt that I didn’t talk about myself. The reason I couldn’t tell you despite knowing it upset you wasn’t because I didn’t trust you. It’s clearly my problem. If we were to assign blame, it would be solely my name, with nothing to add or subtract.

I won’t pretend circumstances weren’t favorable. Yes, I deliberately played dumb. To you, I…]

[It’s probably just an excuse, but I wonder if what you wanted was that ‘excuse.’ No, perhaps I deliberately interpreted your intentions positively.

Still, Perry, however you take it, I…… needed to say it once. I should have confessed before you had to endure the worthless me this much. Not doing so was purely my selfishness.

Though it’s not an expression meant for this situation, because it’s not cool at all.

Um, I don’t know where to start. But if I stop here, you’ll hate me more, right?

I don’t want that. Ah, this is really shameless.]

[Do you remember when we first met? No, there’s a discrepancy in the word ‘we.’ I only unilaterally witnessed you.

It was shortly after I transferred schools. Back then, I was completely twisted. Looking back, I was angry all the time. My parents had split up, and I was suddenly dropped in a foreign country ten hours away by plane. My father, who brought me to the kingdom, was indifferent to my life……

I thought about ruining myself. Childishly, I even made such plans. I tried to rebel somehow. You know those delinquent kids who smoke heavily, cause trouble, and don’t even wear their uniforms properly. It didn’t seem difficult. I had even found a shady store that sold cigarettes to teenagers.