Chapter 1.1

“Ahh! Ahhh!”  

“Can’t you tighten it properly? It’s no fun if it’s loose. Tsk.”  

The explicit sounds of a man and woman in the throes of passion spilled unabashedly through the thin walls. It was a neighborhood where soundproofing was nonexistent. The noise was so intrusive that even the sound of old furniture scraping across the floor due to their vigorous movements could be heard.  

Amidst the unpleasant commotion, fourteen-year-old Andrea calmly heated up some soup. As she scraped the bottom of the pot, a fingernail-sized piece of meat caught on the ladle. Without hesitation, Andrea placed it into her mother’s bowl.  

After giving away all the sparse bits of solid food, only the thin broth and a few chunks of potato were left in her own bowl. Ignoring the rumbling of her empty stomach, Andrea carried the tray to the bed.  

“Mother.”  

“……”  

“Mother, it’s time for dinner. You must eat today.”  

“Mother.”  

At the third call, the woman, who had been staring blankly out the window, finally creaked her head around. Nina Hans. She was Andrea’s mother.  

Nina’s eyes, as they looked at Andrea, were dull and clouded. Her bloodshot whites, streaked with broken capillaries, gave her a grotesque appearance. She nervously chewed on her nails, scrutinizing Andrea from head to toe as if wary of her.  

Her face, so gaunt it seemed she might collapse at any moment, bore little trace of former beauty. But Andrea knew that there had been a time when her mother had soft, plump skin and eyes that sparkled like stars.  

Andrea held out the bowl to her mother. But her mother immediately pinched her nose and shook her head.  

“Ugh, it stinks. I’m not eating that. Get it out of my sight.”  

“……This is all we have right now.”  

“My man will bring home some beef and veal.”  

Nina pulled the thin blanket up to her chest, a triumphant expression on her face.  

“For dessert, I’ll have nuts glazed in honey. I prefer lemon sherbet, but that’s Lorenzo’s favorite.”  

Lorenzo. As she spoke his name, a soft smile, like a spring blossom, briefly graced her lips. She looked like a girl swept up in the throes of her first love.  

But Andrea’s face darkened further as she listened to her mother’s words. Thud. She set the tray down on the bedside table and sat next to Nina, gripping her frail hand tightly.  

“Mother, stop. He’s not coming.”  

“What?”  

“Lorenzo isn’t coming. It’s a story that ended fifteen years ago.”  

Lorenzo Alfred Heathridge.  

Andrea knew all too well who her mother was yearning for. He was the head of the Heathridge Marquisate, one of the three major Marquis families of the Empire. He was also the man Nina could never forget.  

‘And my biological father.’  

Nina had been a maid working for the Heathridge Marquisate. With her black hair flowing down to her waist and her snow-white skin, she had been as beautiful as a doll, quickly catching the eye of the young master.  

For a man born into wealth and prestige, winning the heart of a maid barely out of girlhood had been too easy. A bit of good food, a comfortable bed, fine clothes—things that were so natural to him—were all it took.  

But their brief happiness ended with Nina’s bouts of morning sickness. The Marquis had desired Nina’s beauty and youth, but not her bloodline. After all, he already had a wife of noble lineage and two sons.  

Of course, even if they hadn’t existed, Nina would never have taken the position of the Marchioness.  

Pregnant during the dead of winter, Nina was cast out of the estate. The man who had once whispered sweet nothings to her didn’t even show his face during the hours she knelt and begged for mercy.  

She was given a single room in a shabby back alley and a small sum of money on the condition that she never reveal the child’s paternity and never approach the Marquis’ estate under any pretext.  

Soft bedding, fragrant bathwater, rich and nutritious food—Nina, who had grown accustomed to the luxuries provided by the Marquis, found the harsh life of the back alleys unbearable. Before she could even adjust to the abrupt change, Andrea was born, plunging her into another form of hell.  

He’ll come someday. He promised he loved me. He swore to protect me for life.  

He won’t leave me stuck in a place like this forever. He’s just avoiding me for now because of his wife. Someday, he’ll take me back to the Marquisate.  

Hope can sometimes be a poison, and for Nina, it was. She clung to the memory of their brief happiness, using it to endure her harsh reality. But as one year passed, then two, with no end to her waiting in sight, she began to lose her mind.  

Now, at fourteen years old, Andrea watched as her mother spent most of her days living in the past, reliving her time at the Heathridge Marquisate. Nina’s mental state had deteriorated to the point where she couldn’t even feed herself without Andrea’s help.  

‘She’s such a fool.’  

Andrea sighed deeply as she looked at her mother’s sunken face. Holding Nina’s hand firmly, she spoke slowly and clearly, as if soothing a child.  

“He’s never once come to see you, Mother. He’s forgotten you and is living well. So please, stop waiting for him.”  

“Never come to see me…?”  

Nina’s brow furrowed. She shook her head, looking confused. 

Ha, haha.

A sigh-like laugh escaped her gaping mouth.  

“No, no… He loves me. Not his wife, me. He said he loves me.”  

“……”  

“Is it… is it because of you? Yes, it must be because of you.”  

Nina glared at Andrea with bloodshot eyes. Hatred, resentment, sorrow—her gaunt face was a mix of emotions, brimming with malice.  

“He didn’t want a child. But you… If only it weren’t for you, he would… Ahhh!”  

“Mother!”  

Andrea wrapped her arms tightly around Nina, trying to calm her. But her small frame was no match for the struggling adult.  

“Ah…!”  

Nina’s nails raked across Andrea’s face, leaving a long scratch on her pale cheek. Beads of blood began to form on the wound, but Andrea gritted her teeth and endured it. She couldn’t tell whether the stinging was from her cheek or her heart.  

Andrea held Nina tightly until she exhausted herself and fell asleep. Only after hearing Nina’s soft, even breathing did Andrea relax her arms. The day’s events, coupled with the fact that she hadn’t eaten all day, made this particular struggle with Nina feel even more draining.  

“Haa…”  

Lying down beside her mother, Andrea stared blankly at the worn ceiling. Night after night, unnecessary thoughts crept into her mind.  

It had been a long time since she stopped dwelling on the “why.” Why her mother couldn’t forget the man who abandoned her. Why she had given birth to Andrea in the first place. Why such misfortune had to happen to her.  

Constantly ruminating on such questions would only make her already difficult life even harder to bear.  

But the question of “how long will this cycle continue?” was one she couldn’t suppress. Deep down, Andrea knew the answer. Either the day Nina died or the day Andrea fled this house would mark the end.  

She had considered leaving Nina behind. Without someone to care for, her options would widen significantly. She could find work as a maid and secure room and board or seek a more stable job that would provide for her basic needs.  

And yet, she stayed. Why? 

“Mom, Mom really only has you. You know that, right? You can’t abandon me.”  

“If you leave too, I really won’t survive. Okay?”  

“Rea, you love your mother, don’t you? Right? Hmm?”  

Maybe it was because of the tearful pleas Nina made whenever she briefly regained her senses, or perhaps it was because Andrea wasn’t heartless enough to live indifferently to whether someone lived or died.  

But the biggest reason was that, after all, Nina was Andrea’s only family. In this vast world, she was the only one Andrea could find worthy of love.  

Andrea brushed her sleeping mother’s hair behind her ear and whispered,  

“…I love you.”  

But, do you love me, Mother?  

The words she couldn’t bring herself to say lingered at the back of her tongue. Her mouth felt dry and scratchy, as if she had swallowed sand. It was a lonely and endless night.  

* * *  

A plague swept through the Empire, leaving filthy marks everywhere, from the well-paved main roads to the narrow alleyways. The sound of wailing and the sight of coffins being carried had become a regular part of daily life.  

The small house where Andrea and Nina lived seemed to have been spared from the chaos for a while. Perhaps, Andrea thought, luck was on their side this time.  

But one day in early winter, when the spread of the plague had begun to subside, Nina developed a fever.  

‘What do I do now…?’  

Andrea tried everything to scrape together enough money for Nina’s medicine. She gathered every bit of savings she had secretly hidden away, money she had earned from odd jobs, but it still wasn’t enough to call for a doctor.  

“I’m so close, but I’m short by just two silver coins. I’ll work really hard to pay it back, Sir.”  

“Andrea, I feel terrible for you, but… we’re struggling a lot these days too. I’m sorry.”  

Andrea went door to door in the neighborhood, trying to borrow money. But the people living in the poorly lit alleys were all in similar situations. Even if they wanted to help, they simply couldn’t.  

In the end, on the day the last leaf fell, Andrea buried Nina in the ground. She thought she would be overwhelmed with sadness, but surprisingly, no tears came. She was probably too exhausted.