Chapter 4.3

It was always like this. After their time together, Andrea would immediately get up and prepare to leave. At first, he thought it was because she felt awkward, but by now, they had shared countless nights together. Left alone, Michael couldn’t help but feel a hollow emptiness in his chest. Looking at the empty spot beside him, he swallowed a bitter smile.

‘I should’ve known from the way she cut ties so cleanly the first time. She’s sharper than she seems.’

A short while later, Andrea, now clean and fresh, approached Michael with a shy smile.

“Your Highness.”

Her face, blushing modestly, looked lovely. Letting out a short sigh, Michael extended an arm and pulled Andrea toward him. She stumbled slightly and sat at the edge of the bed.

A strong floral scent wafted from Andrea, likely from the scented oil she had used in her bath. While it was undoubtedly a pleasant fragrance, it paled in comparison to her natural scent. Michael cupped the back of her neck, pulling her closer for a light kiss.

“Are you leaving already?”

“Yes. The carriage must be waiting…”

Michael’s eyes narrowed slightly. He spoke with a faintly displeased expression.

“Why are you always in such a hurry?”

“Pardon?”

“Do you really want to leave so badly? Why is it always…”

Just as Michael was about to voice his complaint, Andrea’s clear blue eyes filled his vision. Her gaze, pure and untainted like a lake deep in the forest, looked at him. She seemed utterly unaware of his dissatisfaction or what he was about to say.

‘It must be her awkwardness again.’

Michael let out a long sigh. He kissed Andrea once more before saying,

“Just don’t leave in such a rush.”

“Then…”

“We could talk, or take a short nap. There are plenty of things we could do.”

Was that so? 

Andrea nodded absentmindedly, looking slightly dazed. Michael, watching her, lightly asked,

“Come to think of it, aren’t you curious about me? I feel like I’m always the one asking questions.”

“Can I ask anything?”

“Of course.”

Michael nodded cheerfully. But just seconds later, he regretted his answer.

“Um… I hope you won’t misunderstand.”

“Yes.”

“I was just a little curious, so I thought I’d ask.”

“What kind of question could it possibly be?”

After hesitating for a long time, Andrea finally spoke cautiously.

“How long… will this kind of relationship continue?”

Ah.

Michael’s face turned slightly dazed. His heart sank. He felt as though he had been caught off guard. Andrea’s question was valid. As her words implied, such an unstable relationship could not last indefinitely.

He had met Andrea many times. He couldn’t remember exactly, but he was certain it had long surpassed what could be counted on his fingers. And he was equally sure that, in his entire life, there had never been a woman with whom he had maintained such frequent and prolonged ties.

What would become of the relationship between him and her in the future?

After much contemplation, the conclusion he reached was utterly pathetic.

“…I don’t know.”

Feeling uncertain about something was a rare occurrence in Michael’s life. But the moment he heard Andrea’s question, his mind went blank, as if wiped clean. What exactly did Andrea Heathridge mean to him?

He stared intently at Andrea, who was anxiously waiting for his answer. Half of her face, bathed in the glow of the setting sun, shimmered in a vivid orange hue.

She truly was a beautiful person. Whether in the blue light of morning, the white light of midday, the red light of dusk, or the darkness of deep night, she was breathtakingly beautiful in every moment, every place, and every color.

She was also a genuinely kind woman. Michael prided himself on his ability to read people. Having met countless individuals since childhood, he had become adept at discerning pretense and hypocrisy. The Andrea he saw before him was not a facade.

But.

“My thoughts are…”

There were too many obstacles to take even one step further. While Andrea was undoubtedly a good person and he was drawn to her, if asked whether his feelings were serious enough to make promises to her… Ultimately, he could only offer another irresponsible answer: “I don’t know.”

‘If I weren’t the Crown Prince, then there wouldn’t have been any problems.’

From the start, the fact that this relationship had lasted as long as it had was Michael’s fault. If he had only sought to enjoy the pleasures of youth lightly, he should have ended things long ago, as he always had.

Michael knew how much Andrea must have agonized over asking that question. He also knew the right answer to give. If he couldn’t take responsibility for her, if he couldn’t return her sincerity, then the right thing to do was to let her go now.

‘But why is it so hard to say the obvious?’

Michael’s Adam’s apple moved up and down. The fragmented sentences that sporadically surfaced in his mind felt like fishbones lodged in his throat. Looking at Andrea’s face stirred inexplicable emotions within him.

Michael’s dry lips parted heavily.

“Do we really need to set an end to this?”

He spoke with a vague smile.

“I don’t think this kind of relationship is bad.”

“Ah…”

Andrea, staring blankly into Michael’s eyes, awkwardly nodded. Her trembling lashes betrayed the meaning behind his cowardly answer. Cracks appeared in her blue eyes, which had always sparkled with affection and excitement.

“So, it ends when I want it to.”

“…”

“You’ll stay by my side if I wish.”

“Yes.”

“I’m the one with all the decision-making power, then.”

Andrea forced a bright smile. Though she hid her emotions, Michael could tell she was deeply hurt. Her body, which leaned lightly against his, felt smaller than ever today. That realization squeezed his heart.

“…That’s right.”

Michael’s eyes darkened as he gently kissed Andrea’s forehead. 

Why do I feel so disgustingly awful?

* * *

“Young Lady, it’s time for tea.”

“Mmh.”

“Oh, and I’ve put away the hat you bought yesterday.”

“Alright. Thank you.”

Andrea smiled softly at Maria and wrapped her hands around the warm teacup in front of her. The murky brown tea swirled uneasily in the cup. Its bitter scent pricked her nose, evoking an instinctive aversion, but Andrea drank it all without leaving a drop. It was for contraception.

Maria, the perceptive maid, had quickly figured out the purpose of Andrea’s frequent outings. Though Andrea used shopping as an excuse, she showed little interest in the new items she supposedly purchased. The faint bruises left on her chest confirmed Maria’s suspicions.

When Maria silently offered her a cup of contraceptive tea, Andrea was too embarrassed to lift her head. But Maria reassured her, saying it was no big deal for a young man and woman to fall for each other. Of course, she was a bit startled to learn that Andrea’s secret lover was none other than the Crown Prince, Michael.

Sharing this secret strengthened the bond between them. Andrea began calling Maria over to spend time together whenever she could.

‘Would it be alright to call this friendship?’

For the first time, Andrea felt the thrill of having a friend. Although there was a difference in their roles as master and maid, the atmosphere between them was not rigid. Perhaps it was because Andrea had yet to fully adapt to her changed status.

When Andrea first arrived at the Marquis’s Estate, the head maid and the other maids had openly shown their disdain for her. They were offended by the idea of serving someone who had lived a life similar to, or perhaps even worse than, their own. In contrast, Maria had stepped forward to care for the young lady, who didn’t even know how to properly use cutlery.

Naturally, Maria became the only person Andrea could rely on. She was also the only one who knew about Andrea’s relationship with Michael. Having had a bit more experience with life and love, Maria became a good counselor for Andrea.

Usually, Andrea’s concerns revolved around trivial matters, like whether her answers to Michael’s questions were appropriate. But this time was different. As Andrea cautiously confided in Maria about her conversation with Michael earlier that day, her face lacked its usual excitement.

Maria’s expression, too, was far from bright. After hesitating for a long time, Maria finally spoke.

“Young Lady, if I may…”

“Yes?”

“This might be a bit blunt, but…”

Maria struggled to continue. But her worried expression made Andrea feel as though she already knew what Maria wanted to say.

Andrea smiled faintly and replied,

“I know.”

Their gazes met, and Andrea nodded as she continued.

“I really do. I know I’m not someone serious to him. I’ve known from the start.”

“And yet…”

“Exactly. And yet.”

Andrea stirred her empty teacup with a teaspoon. Ding, ding. The clear sound filled the quiet room. With a sullen face, she continued her meaningless fidgeting before finally speaking.

“…And yet, if I still want to stay with him, if I want to see him just one more time… does that make me strange?”

Andrea’s eyes wavered as she looked up.