“It’s growing cold, Your Highness. Do come inside.”
Even after Mary had gone, Rafez remained in the garden until the sun went down.
He had no desire to go back to his room — and standing in the open expanse of the garden, something about it felt as though it cleared the weight from his chest.
Was that why Lacy, whenever she left her room, had always come to the garden?
“Mollys.”
“Yes, Your Highness.”
“Starting today, I want you to keep watch on the estate’s servants. The ones around Lacy in particular. Her clothing, her food, her room — anyone who has even the slightest influence over her, whoever they may be.”
“Pardon? Your Highness, that would be——”
Rafez gave a nod.
“Yes. I believe there is a spy inside the estate.”
He had bought himself time by holding onto the poison. Now it was time to act.
Before Mollys could say another word, Lacy appeared before Rafez of her own accord. Which was enough to keep Mollys quiet on the matter.
“Your Highness the Grand Duchess.”
A breeze swept through, and Lacy’s dark hair lifted and scattered.
She wasn’t someone who should be here — in the Grand Ducal garden, appearing before him like this.
Someone who seemed out of place standing here, someone who didn’t belong — and yet for the first time, the thought came to him.
That Lacy suited this garden perfectly.
“Lacy.”
The fourth death. And after waking from it and rushing straight to her, grabbing her, making that mistake — he had not sought her out once since.
Because he hadn’t wanted to see her.
“……Why are you calling me by my name?”
Ah. That’s right.
It seemed her name had simply found its way onto his tongue without his noticing.
The Lacy standing before him now would have no memory of any of it — and yet he kept forgetting that, calling her by name without thinking.
“Mollys, give us a moment.”
At Rafez’s gesture, Mollys stepped away, leaving the two of them alone.
“What is it? You, coming to find me — were you going to say it was a coincidence?”
“What do you mean, what is it? Do you truly not know?”
“No, I don’t.”
“You told me to forget it — and yet it seems you’re the one who has.”
You told me to forget it……
Rafez turned the words over, and then it came to him.
He had said nothing but “Forget it” and fled the room as though running away. He hadn’t seen Lacy once since.
“If you mean that day — I’m sorry. I wasn’t in my right mind. Truly, I’m sorry.”
“But what you said then——”
“I told you it was a nightmare.”
That, apparently, was what had been bothering her.
Then again — grabbing hold of someone perfectly alive and screaming at them to stop dying. Not exactly a pleasant thing to wake up to first thing in the morning.
“You had a nightmare of me dying?”
“……Yes. I did. A nightmare where you died. More than once.”
A nightmare.
Lacy dying had become a nightmare to Rafez. The kind he dreaded having again.
The kind that made the scar on his chest ache even now, just from the memory of it.
Lacy said nothing more.
“It must have made for an awful start to your morning. I’m sorry — even thinking back on it now. I made a mistake.”
He had meant it when he said to forget it. It wasn’t something Lacy needed to carry with her. Not easy to forget, of course — but then again, perhaps forgetting wasn’t something to worry about.
If Lacy were to die again, it would be forgotten naturally enough.
Lacy still said nothing. She only stared at him, hard and unblinking.
Then, abruptly, she took a step forward. And kept staring at him, unblinking, from that closer distance.
For now.
“Well then, I’ll take my leave.”
“I’m thinking of going to the Grand Duchy soon.”
Rafez’s words stopped Lacy just as she turned to go.
Rafez was caught off guard by himself. He had thought about it — but he hadn’t intended to say it now. Why had it come out before he could stop it?
“Would you like to come with me?”
“……Is that an order, or a question?”
An order? The very idea was absurd.
He had asked her to come to the Grand Duchy, and she had taken it as an order. Was that really the kind of relationship they had?
Then again — perhaps it was only natural. Rafez had been through regression after regression, seeing Lacy, speaking with her, being close to her, so that at some point she had stopped feeling like such a distant person to him.
When Lacy herself had no memory of any of it.
“Hm. What would you like it to be?”
Rafez managed an awkward smile.
He would have to adjust — meet her where she was. Not just Lacy, but everyone would have no memory of what had come before.
Lacy hesitated for a moment, then gave her answer with surprising ease.
“Very well. But I have a condition.”
“A condition? What is it?”
“I’d like to hold a tea party in this garden. With young noblewomen and gentlemen invited. Princess Kelly as well, if possible.”
Rafez couldn’t begin to read Lacy.
It was true that he had barely participated in social life — but he had always gotten the sense that Lacy had no interest in that sort of thing either.
Still, it wasn’t an impossible request.
“That sort of thing is for the Grand Duchess to handle as she sees fit. You don’t need my permission.”
“……Do you mean that?”
Lacy looked genuinely surprised.
Then again — that was how things had been for Lacy up until now. Grand Duchess in name only.
But that was different now.
And just like that — Rafez had made up his mind. He would no longer leave her as Grand Duchess in name only.
If he couldn’t prevent her death and couldn’t get a divorce, then what he wanted now was to help Lacy truly find her footing. To let her live as the Grand Duchess of House Felista in earnest. Not as the daughter of House Lennon.
Before he told her again that she was a member of House Felista — he wanted her to feel it for herself this time.
“Yes. You are the Grand Duchess.”
* * *
He was sorry. And sorry again.
“If you mean that day — I’m sorry. I wasn’t in my right mind. Truly, I’m sorry.”
“It must have made for an awful start to your morning. I’m sorry — even thinking back on it now. I made a mistake.”
How many times had he said it?
Back in her room, Lacy felt as though she were the one dreaming.
It had been the same then, too. Rafez had left with nothing but “Forget it” — and yet those words had done the opposite for her. She couldn’t forget it at all. It had felt like a dream. Rafez coming in like that, in a frenzy, and then the despair——
Lacy had even pinched her own cheek to check whether she was still half asleep.
She hadn’t been able to see Rafez after that — which was why she had gone out to the garden today. She had wanted to know if it had truly been real.
And then he had apologized. Over and over.
It was like looking at a different person. That was why she had moved closer — to look into those blue eyes. But no matter how long she stared into them, she couldn’t find the answer.
Knock knock.
“Come in.”
The sound of knocking pulled her back. Lacy shook her head, clearing her thoughts.
The door opened and Siz stepped in.
“Your Highness, I heard you’ll be hosting a tea party.”
“……Yes.”
“If you give me the list of nobles you’d like to invite, I’ll send out the invitations.”
“That sort of thing is for the Grand Duchess to handle as she sees fit. You don’t need my permission.”
“Yes. You are the Grand Duchess.”
A title she had been called all this time — and yet it suddenly felt unfamiliar.
It had always sounded rigid and cold. Something she had never wanted, never wished to hear.
“I don’t know the social circles well enough, so bring me a list of suitable people and I’ll look it over.”
* * *
Time passed quickly, and the day of the tea party arrived.
From early morning, the Grand Ducal estate of House Felista stirred with a liveliness it hadn’t seen in a long while.
In the garden, the warm weather had coaxed a fresh gleam into the green leaves, and buds that had been waiting to bloom were beginning to open. The well-kept grounds were abuzz with servants deep in preparations.
“Your Highness the Grand Duchess, your dress has arrived.”
The maids came in carrying a dress in shades of blue.
Lacy hadn’t owned anything in that color. She hadn’t brought many dresses to the Grand Ducal house to begin with, and she had always dressed simply within the estate, so it hadn’t mattered.
She hadn’t intended for things to grow into something this large. What had started as a simple impulse to test him had taken on a life of its own.
But now that the dress was before her, she couldn’t quite bring herself to put it on — and so she only stared at it.
Because it was Rafez who had had it made for her.
Translator
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Vi
I like that this novel has more of ML’s POV and he’s the one regressing – it’s something different. I like the story so far, but I can’t seem to like the FL. I’m more interested in ML and hoping he’ll find his happiness in the end, even if it’s not with FL.