The floor and windows creaked constantly, and the wallpaper was so worn that its original pattern was hard to discern. The old traces remained unchanged, but… between them, the rich scent of expensive cosmetics and perfumes had seeped in.

A ridiculous mixture of worn-out poverty and new wealth.

Feeling as if the memory of that bedroom, where she had held hands and shared breaths with her beloved, was gradually being erased, Radilt trembled slightly.

This was my and Lushen’s nest. But now there were too many unfamiliar things.

‘Ah…..’

Guilt constricted Radilt’s chest. Breathing roughly like desperate flapping wings, she suddenly opened the wardrobe. Among the abundant dresses that seemed about to spill out, she pulled out an old but clean dress.

A summer outing dress that Lushen had given her. A thin, soft dress he had tailored for her, saying she would need new clothes in the capital, which was hotter than her hometown.

Radilt put on that dress, which, though long out of fashion, was modestly beautiful. She took off all her hair ornaments, earrings, necklace, bracelets, and new shoes.

Taking a pre-written letter from the desk drawer, wearing old shoes and an old hat, Radilt fled from her unfamiliar bedroom as if escaping.

The land within the empire’s capital walls was expensive. Unless it was a filthy slum where waste accumulated or an undeveloped outskirt without proper roads, even a span of land had to be rented with a handful of coins.

And it wasn’t even ownership, but rental.

All land in the empire belonged to the imperial family, who leased it to the citizens. Even territories bestowed upon nobles and passed down through generations had the mark of “permanent lease” on official documents. His Majesty the emperor was the ruler of all the soil touched by the citizens’ feet.

Therefore, having a resting place for the dead within the capital walls was an extremely luxurious affair, but at the same time, it was also freely accepted under the emperor’s generosity.

“Good girl, Serena.”

With a soft neigh, the slender brown mare shook her head lightly. Radilt stroked Serena’s neck and headed to the stable for visitors to the temple cemetery. Except on special days, few people visited the cemetery. Today too, Radilt was the only visitor.

“Wait here for a moment.”

Radilt tied her horse to the stable and took the modest bouquet that was hanging from the saddle. She had bought it herself after stopping by a flower shop on the way.

The walls of the small temple gleamed white under the sunlight. As the bell chimes announcing the hour flowed melodiously, Radilt climbed the stairs built of stacked stones.

Private cemeteries in the capital were expensive, but one could be buried in the temple cemetery if certain conditions were met. One of those conditions was being a noble who died without direct descendants. Since there were no descendants to tend to the grave, the country would manage the tomb for 50 years instead.

Thanks to this, she could visit her husband’s grave frequently, but… it also meant that a wife who couldn’t bear children couldn’t even take responsibility for her husband’s grave.

“……Sigh.”

As she climbed the stairs and entered the fenced area, a sunny patch of ground was nestled in a circle. About twenty gravestones, each bearing a name, gently basked in the last rays of late spring sunshine. The communal cemetery, touched by the priests’ attentive care, held a gentleness that seemed incompatible with death.

No, perhaps death itself is the most tender equality, and this landscape like God’s small garden might be the most fitting.

“Lushen.”

Her soft calling voice was tinged with faint moisture. Radilt bent down to remove the dried flowers and placed fresh ones on the gravestone. Then she pulled out the folded letter wedged between the cracks of the gravestone. After briefly looking at the letter she had written last time, she inserted a new one.

Every time Radilt came to visit the grave once every month or two, she would bring a letter for Lushen. Letters she had carefully written in her round handwriting about how she was doing and how much she missed him.

After placing both hands on her chest for a moment of silent prayer, she spoke again.

“I’m doing well.”

She said, as always. But what followed was different from usual.

“There have been many things happening lately.”

Her voice paused briefly with a weak breath. Days when too many events, each difficult to process, had poured in all at once.

“……I’m sorry.”

Radilt apologized, looking down at the gravestone.

“Even if it’s just a contractual relationship, I’ve ended up……pretending to be lovers with a man who isn’t you.”

Her sister-in-law had demanded a new dress, and her mother-in-law had pushed him toward her. But Radilt didn’t voice these excuses. They were, after all, Lushen’s mother and younger sister.

“But it won’t last long. In about two months, it will probably be as if it never happened.”

The story of the widow that had stirred up high society would dissolve like a sugar cube dropped in a river. It would merely be mentioned occasionally as something that happened, but was nothing significant.

“Besides, that man can’t compare to you, Lushen. He’s very ill-tempered.”

A slightly playful smile curved Radilt’s lips, and her tone grew as lively as it had been in her maiden days.

“He was rude from our first meeting. The moment our eyes met, he bluntly said I looked plain. You told me that when you first met me, you thought a fairy had jumped out of the forest.”

After treating her so dismissively, he dragged her forcibly out of the party venue and then said such things. Radilt pouted her lips and made an annoyed expression.

“He said he doesn’t want to get married, so he asked me to pretend to date him to avoid troublesome situations. I was truly dumbfounded. Asking me to be his lover with such cold eyes.”

While gripping her neck like a leash so she couldn’t escape. In a bleak carriage without a single flower. Thinking about it again made her feel indignant and wronged, and Radilt whispered a very small curse word she had heard at the market. She immediately looked around embarrassedly to see if anyone had heard, but she felt a little better.

“Even if a kind man like you approached me, I would hesitate, but a man like that ice block only makes me want to run away. At first, I truly only wanted to escape……”

In front of her husband’s grave, Radilt continued speaking as if making excuses.

“But…… he doesn’t seem like a completely terrible person. I definitely can’t call him kind, but he does have his own principles.”

While her first meeting with Pendlore was terrible, and she continued to get hurt afterward, if asked whether only bad things had happened, the answer would be no.

Radilt lowered her eyes slightly. The tips of her old shoes occasionally peeked out from beneath the hem of her dress. The wounds on both feet had almost completely healed. It had been a long time since the bandages were removed, and even the marks were gradually disappearing.

“Most importantly, he gave me proper work.”

He had listened to Radilt’s protests and provided her with an opportunity to stand on her own.

“Just for that, I think I can forgive most things. You know, Lushen, I’ve found a dream.”

Radilt spoke with slight shyness, but evident joy.

“A dream of someday having a perfume workshop again, named after you and me.”

After losing Lushen, Radilt had lived merely to survive day by day. She had neither the strength nor the luxury to think about the distant future.

But now things were different. She had become much more comfortable and gained much greater opportunities. She had become able to hold dreams.

“……That’s why.”

Radilt’s voice lost strength and grew quieter. A long shadow fell across her previously bright face.

“I really hate Pendlore Duston, but I can’t bring myself to despise him, and……”

The faint throbbing in her heart when she looks at him.

Radilt’s head bowed as if in apology. A few strands of golden hair, freed from their ornaments, fell across her forehead. A guilty sigh was exhaled at length.

“But, as I said earlier, it will truly be just for a moment.”

Two more months. That was all. Radilt raised her head again with a melancholy smile.

“If, really if, my heart weakens and eventually wavers, what can I do? There’s already no ending other than being abandoned. I’ll surely cry, but there’s no need to pity me.”

It was simply the price of foolishly wavering despite knowing from the beginning that it was a contractual relationship. It would be a foolishness not even worthy of sympathy.

“So, Lushen. Please help me keep my heart from wavering. I’m hoping that at the final moment when I leave that man’s side, I’ll think, ah, what a relief.”

Tweet-tweet-tweet-tweet—

Just then, a small bird’s call was heard. Radilt turned her head to look in the direction of the sound. A robin with a red chest was perched on a branch at one side of the cemetery. It was a bird that often appeared when she visited this grave.

The robin flew up with a flutter and came down near where the bouquet was placed, tilting its head curiously. Seeing this adorable sight, a bright smile formed again on Radilt’s lips.

“Hello, Robin.”

The bird chirped in response to Radilt’s greeting before spreading its wings again in a swift motion. Radilt tilted her head back to watch the small red dot circling in the deep blue sky. She envied the small bird freely soaring without any entanglements, as always.