90. Fragments of Memory

Larael lifted her head from where she had been leaning on Edward’s shoulder and looked at him, scrunching her nose as she spoke. Edward, finding her adorable, barely managed to suppress the smile tugging at his lips as he gently touched her wrinkled nose with his finger.

“It’s probably dangerous to go outside the palace, isn’t it?”

Edward recalled the Fenrir incident. He couldn’t risk putting Larael in danger again because of him.

“A portal will soon be completed at the Hedway County. When that happens, I’ll make time for us to visit together.”

Larael nodded and rested her head on Edward’s shoulder again.

Edward’s scent pleasantly filled her senses. Warm sunlight streamed through the carriage window. Perhaps because she had been tense at the Grand Duke Vellaus’s residence, she felt her tension melting away, and her eyes began to grow heavy.

She thought she had only closed her eyes for a moment in drowsiness, but strangely, her mind was becoming clearer and clearer. Darkness suddenly swept over her. Larael desperately looked around in the darkness. She couldn’t see anything.

“Edward??”

Larael called out for Edward, who had been by her side, her voice trembling. He was someone who would always come when she called. But no matter how much she looked around and called, Edward was nowhere to be found. Only pitch-black darkness awaited Larael. Fear began to creep in.

Then, gradually, her vision started to brighten. She could hear people murmuring. The outlines of where she was became clearer. The murmurs suddenly turned into screams.

“Why!!! Why isn’t Ian opening his eyes? Save him, right now!!!”

Larael saw herself clinging to Ian and screaming like a madwoman. She clutched her head and shook it violently. She didn’t want this dream. It was a scene she never, ever wanted to see again. Seeing herself screaming at the high priest and the doctor with a devastated expression, the pain of that moment felt vivid and real. It was an emotion she could never forget, no matter how hard she tried.

Larael squeezed her eyes shut and bowed her head. She knew it was a dream, but the pain was so real it felt like her heart was being torn apart. She gritted her teeth and let out a m*an. Her m*ans, mixed with sobs, escaped through her clenched teeth.

‘If this is a dream, why does it feel like this?’

Tears wouldn’t stop falling from Larael’s eyes. Unable to hold back, she collapsed to the ground and began to sob.

‘Why am I having this dream? Was I too happy, forgetting about you, who meant everything to me? Was it too greedy to want to stay by Edward’s side? Is this punishment from God, to remind me of my place?’

Larael wept like a child.

“Larael…”

Even in her dreams, the voice she longed to hear called out to her softly.

“Edward?”

Larael wiped her tears and looked up toward the sound. Edward was watching her, holding a child in his arms, his expression complicated. His eyes were red, his face haggard, and he bit his lip as he looked at Larael. Edward slowly approached her. He reached out to her, but couldn’t touch her. Tears streamed down Edward’s gaunt cheeks.

‘Why didn’t I think of it back then?’

Larael moved toward Edward. His tightly clenched hands were trembling. Larael reached out to wipe away the tears on his cheek. She hadn’t realized then that he was also Ian’s parent. Why hadn’t she known that Edward hurt as much as she did?

Larael’s hand passed through his cheek like a mirage. She couldn’t even comfort Edward’s sorrow. His tear-filled eyes slowly moved to Larael standing before him.

“Larael?”

His eyes looked straight at her as he called her name. Larael’s heart dropped. There was no way Edward could see her, yet she stood frozen, meeting his strange gaze.

“Larael?”

Edward’s voice sounded faint. Edward was here, so who was calling her?

Larael slowly blinked. As she opened her eyes, her vision blurred, and she found Edward staring at her, eyes wide, holding her shoulders and looking down at her. Larael stared blankly at him for a moment before realizing she was inside the carriage. She quickly came to her senses and wiped her eyes.

“What kind of dream makes you cry like that…?”

Larael hugged Edward tightly. She patted and stroked his back.

‘I’m sorry. Truly… I suppose I shouldn’t be happy by your side after all?’

Perhaps God was trying to awaken her conscience, seeing Larael attempt to forget and ignore the sins she had committed.

“Our child, I’m sorry.”

Larael barely managed to suppress her tears as she spoke in a broken voice.

“Larael. What are you saying?”

Edward, alarmed by her strange tone, gently pushed her away. Her eyes were shimmering with tears. Larael was afraid that if she blinked, the tears would fall, so she couldn’t even blink.

Edward looked at Larael in shock. Today was Herwen’s engagement ceremony. No matter what she said, there was no way she was really okay. Seeing her suffering like this made Edward’s heart feel as if it were collapsing. And what did she mean about the child? Was it because she felt envious after seeing the Marquis of Argen’s wife, who was close to her, with a child?

Without saying a word, Edward pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. His gentle hands stroked Larael’s hair and caressed her back.

When the carriage arrived at the palace, Edward loosened his embrace and gently lifted Larael’s chin. The area around her eyes was as red as her irises. As if to cool the heat from her reddened eyes, Edward placed a light kiss on her eyelids.

“Let’s go to Abella Palace.”

Edward instructed the coachman. The carriage, which had stopped in front of the main palace, began to move again.

As the carriage started moving, Edward kissed Larael’s nose and her slightly swollen lips.

“I’ll make time for you, so don’t be disappointed. Will you rest well today?”

Edward asked Larael. She hesitated for a moment, then nodded. If she stayed with Edward all day in this mood, she might end up making him feel gloomy as well.

“We can always have a child, so don’t be impatient. Right now, you’re the most important thing to me.”

At those words, Larael’s reddened eyes trembled.

She lowered her head and buried her face in Edward’s chest. After the dream, because of what she had said, Edward was clearly misunderstanding. Larael no longer had the courage to look at Edward’s face, knowing he was unaware of the truth.

It was Herwen who had harmed Edward and her child, but could she really claim to be a complete victim? Larael believed she was as responsible for Ian’s death as anyone. She was, after all, a sinner. She could never be forgiven.

When she visited Hedway County, she had thought she would find comfort in her memories, but surprisingly, none of those feelings brought her any solace.

“We could have a child even today if we wanted to…”

Edward’s words were probably meant as a joke. But she didn’t find it funny at all. Larael felt as if she was embracing all the sadness and despair in the world.

When Larael showed no sign of laughing, Edward, feeling awkward, cleared his throat and forced a smile. He had tried to lighten her mood with a joke, but it seemed he had only made things worse.

“You may go now.”

“I’ll walk you to your bedroom.”

Despite Larael’s refusal, Edward put his arm around her shoulders and escorted her to her room.

From the entrance hall, Larael’s maids, who had been following behind, exchanged glances as they sensed the mood between the two, then quietly left the room.

“I’m fine.”

Larael forced a smile, but her tone sounded unfamiliar to Edward. She had always been gentle and affectionate with him, but now, the sharpness in her voice made Edward’s heart sink. He had intended to leave after seeing her to her room, but instead, he changed his mind and sat down on the sofa.