Chapter 101: I Love You More

The memories of that night returned.

It wasn’t Clive who killed her family—it was the alcohol Father brought home.

He said it was alcohol given by a priest he was friendly with, but that priest might have been bought by Sebastian. When Eirene checked at the time, everyone except Serenity was dead.

Serenity was dying.

It had been the most shocking moment. Seeing Clive appear with a sword in the midst of all that, it made sense she would forget everything. Serenity must have been terrified of Clive too.

Clive’s fault was stabbing people who were already dead.

“It wasn’t you.”

Eirene covered her mouth with both hands.

“It wasn’t me?”

“I remember everything. You weren’t the one who killed our family.”

“What are you saying… I definitely stabbed them.”

“My parents and the servants were already dead, and my sister was dying.”

She told Clive all the memories that had surfaced. She knew. Even if he had stabbed family members who were already dead, there was no excuse for his purpose and the actions that followed.

But it was a comfort to Eirene. She felt sorry that her burden seemed to lighten. She could escape, even a little, from the guilt that sometimes overwhelmed her when she was with him.

Tears of relief came.

She felt she shouldn’t feel this way, but she was relieved.

* * *

What had he just heard? Even after drinking the water Eirene brought him, Clive’s head felt foggy. The events of that day, which he remembered so vividly, weren’t entirely true.

His first thought was relief. Ridiculously, that’s what it was. He could still feel the sensation of thrusting the sword in his hand, yet he found himself horrible for thinking it was a relief.

Even at this moment, if he could, he wanted to make any excuse to become someone unrelated to that incident.

He knew it was greed. The greed to become a perfectly good person for Eirene. Right. Let’s stop being greedy and accept it.

It was right to feel relieved that he hadn’t directly killed them.

“How’s your headache?”

She looked fine, but he asked just in case.

“It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“Do you only remember that day? Are other memories coming back too?”

“Little by little. I remember the house we lived in, Father’s studio, and even Siaran’s young appearance vaguely.”

“I hope only happy memories return.”

“Even if they’re not happy memories, it’s okay. There won’t be any worse memories than when I lived at Phineas Mansion.”

“How are you feeling?”

Eirene came over and sat beside him. She took his hand and brushed aside the hair that had fallen to nearly poke his eyes.

“Want me to be honest?”

“Be honest with me.”

“Good.”

“Right. If it’s good, that’s enough.”

Eirene got up and hugged Clive.

Lately, she had been hugging him much more often.

Though she was a small woman struggling to embrace a man larger than herself, she had become a very big person to him.

How had he come to meet and love this woman? He had never dared imagine such a person would enter his life. He had thought his life was God’s cruel joke.

But perhaps it was a blessing meant for him to meet Eirene.

* * *

Four-year-old Karl threw a tantrum saying he wanted a younger sibling. Eirene felt the same way. The more Karl grew, the more adorable he became, making her want to have another child.

The problem was that Clive didn’t want one.

“Why don’t you want to? Do you dislike our children?”

“Eirene. How can you say such a thing? Karl is like my very life.”

Eirene knew Clive’s sincerity well. She was just being stubborn since he only said he didn’t want a second child.

“Karl wants it and I want it too.”

“Let’s not fight.”

“I’m not trying to fight. You need to tell me the exact reason so I can either give up or try to convince you.”

Clive let out a big sigh and gestured.

He sat his wife on his lap and stroked her hair.

“I feel sorry for Karl.”

“Why do you feel sorry for Karl? And what does feeling sorry have to do with a second child?”

“While you were pregnant with Karl, during that difficult moment when he faced the world, I wasn’t there with him. That’s why as a father, I want to give my love only to Karl.”

Eirene didn’t understand his words.

Having a second child didn’t mean he couldn’t give Karl complete love.

“If you get pregnant and give birth to a second child, all your attention will go there. Because they’ll be small and fragile. But that feels like dividing the love meant for Karl, and I hate that.”

Now she understood what he meant.

“Clive.”

She placed her hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t feel sorry for Karl. Karl receives overflowing love from his father. And even if a second child is born, it won’t be divided. New love for the second child will be born.”

“I…”

“Don’t just say absolutely not—think deeply about it.”

“It’s not just about Karl, I can’t bear to see you suffer either.”

“Everyone struggles raising children. But I have many people to help me, so I’m raising him relatively easily.”

She did her best to persuade him.

“Clive. Having Karl gave me the courage to return here.”

“…”

“You know too—that’s what children do. They make you accomplish things you’re afraid of. They make your limited heart endlessly wide.”

Clive said nothing, showing no change in his thinking.

“Think about it. There could be another child as lovely as Karl. Or maybe this time a girl who looks like me could be born.”

His lips twitched briefly. Mentioning a child who resembled Eirene seemed to move his heart.

“That’s very likely.”

Of course, no one knew what kind of child would be born.

“Clive. Let’s have a second child. Please?”

She spoke in a voice mixed with cuteness she wasn’t good at.

“The two people you love most in the world are asking you.”

Under Eirene’s continued attack, Clive finally raised both hands in surrender.

But.

“Promise me. That you’ll take the utmost care of your health.”

“Of course.”

She nodded and kissed his cheek. Time passed like that. A second child was born between Clive and Eirene.

It was a boy who looked exactly like Clive.

* * *

Dervel in midsummer was perfect for children to play.

They could splash in the fountain with lowered water levels and enjoy the cool breeze in the shade of trees. Second son Julian, who had been stirring up the fountain, came running to Eirene while still wet.

“Mother!”

Of course, he had to be caught by Gemma along the way to be dried with a towel and changed into clean clothes.

Karl had the opposite temperament from Julian. He extremely disliked playing in water or rolling on the ground. He was a child who would rather choose to read books.

Karl, who had searched for his younger brother so much when Julian wasn’t around, kept his distance once his brother’s speechless period passed.

To be precise, rather than keeping distance, it was more accurate to say they naturally grew apart. Karl found Julian pathetic, and Julian found Karl annoying.

Their starkly different personalities seemed to have split Clive in half. At least they didn’t fight often, so the house was rarely noisy.

Julian, who had played excitedly, went inside saying he was sleepy. Left alone, Eirene sat in the shade and read a book.

It was personal time she hadn’t had in a while. After becoming Grand Duchess, as time passed, she was frequently invited to official events.

Most were occasions she couldn’t refuse, so participating every time made for busy days.

“Your Grace. A letter has arrived.”

The letter Madam Hannon brought was from the organizer of a charity event she had participated in a few days ago.

It was a letter containing thanks for gracing the occasion.

“A gift came too.”

“What kind of gift?”

“It’s large, so I put it in Your Grace’s office. Please check it later.”

“I’m curious what it is. Does it look expensive? I like expensive things.”

When Madam Hannon’s face hardened, Eirene laughed out loud.

“I’m joking. It’s probably a doll. I don’t like dolls, but that day it looked particularly pretty so I complimented it, and they must have sent it.”

“Your joke was too realistic.”

“Is that unrefined behavior for a Grand Duchess?”

“You look good.”

Much better than before.

Madam Hannon remembered when she first met Eirene.

An expressionless, pale face. A strange young lady who stared outside all day and didn’t know how to smile.

The young lady whose emotions had been frozen like a flower blooming after being hit by winter snow now joked freely and laughed out loud without restraint.

She even played along with Clive’s cheeky jokes.

“They say couples grow to resemble each other—sometimes you’re similar to His Grace the Grand Duke.”

“No way.”

“Shall I ask the servants working at Dervel Palace?”

“That much?”

“I mean it in a good way.”

“I know.”

Eirene laughed again.

“Sometimes when you discipline the two young masters, you’re just like His Grace the Grand Duke. How cold you can be.”

“I can’t help it when they do wrong. But afterward I hug them and tell them I love them.”

“That’s also meant in a good way.”

“I know that too. Go inside and rest. I’ll finish reading this and come in.”

Madam Hannon bowed and walked away. Eirene, who had been reading, tilted her head.

“Do we really look alike?”

* * *

She opened her eyes to the sound of birds announcing morning. Clive, who had worked until late at night and come in, was lying beside Eirene, asleep.

She had heard him come in and knew when he got under the covers, but she couldn’t wake up, drunk with sleep. She lifted her index finger to touch Clive’s forehead and traced along his high nose bridge.

His eyelids twitched and then gently opened.

“Oh, sorry. I must have woken you.”

Instead of answering, he pulled Eirene into his arms.

“Madam Hannon says we look alike.”

“Really? Where?”

He asked back in a slightly hoarse voice.

“Everything.”

“Not everything. I’m not beautiful enough to bewitch people like my wife is.”

She smiled at his words. She didn’t know who was bewitching whom.

“Clive.”

There was no answer—he seemed to have fallen asleep again.

Even though he wasn’t listening, Eirene continued speaking.

“Thinking about it, I was in a very anxious state before meeting you. Do you remember?”

Her clumsy acting.

“I pretended to be Aishe but was caught immediately. Honestly, you were a frightening opponent to me…”

Scary too. But as the time they spent together increased, unlike her first impression, he was a caring person.

“Back then I didn’t know we’d become like this.”

Eirene’s finger quietly touched Clive’s chin.

“I’m very grateful. The time I spent with you was overwhelmingly happy.”

Reflecting on Madam Hannon’s words that she resembled Clive, tears came for no reason. Could she have spent such time if it hadn’t been for Clive? Could I have changed?

Each moment was so precious it hurt her chest.

“I love you.”

At her first confession, Clive’s eyes slowly opened. So he wasn’t sleeping.

“Say it again.”

“I love you.”

“…Again.”

“I love you, Clive.”

She could say it a hundred, a thousand more times. A person like a gift to her. The person who pulled her out of a life like a mud pit. All the time spent with him was a grateful gift to Eirene.

“Sorry my confession was late.”

“I knew even without you saying it. But I had the greed to hear it in your beautiful voice.”

“I love you.”

It was an emotion she wouldn’t have known without Clive. Did God know it would end like this?

He told her not to seek revenge, but that she would end up doing it anyway. Perhaps it was revenge permitted from the beginning of her second life. Eirene briefly sent gratitude to God as well.

“Did you just confess your love and then think of something else?”

“I love you, Clive.”

Clive giggled saying he lost and hugged Eirene like he would crush her.

“I love you more.”