Chapter 36

Rafaella, in truth, wanted to cry and beg her mother to take her along.  

Or perhaps cling to her mother and plead for her not to leave.  

‘But Mom is going to find herbs to treat Aunt Penelope….’  

Rafaella did not want to see her mother troubled because of her.  

‘I don’t want Mom to feel distressed or sad.’  

Since one day last year, her mother, who had overslept, seemed different. She often looked at Rafaella with sorrowful eyes and worried about her constantly. Seeing her mother like that made Rafaella’s heart ache.  

‘Am I the reason Mom feels sad?’  

Often, such thoughts left Rafaella feeling downhearted.  

‘I want to see Mom smiling at me all the time.’  

Not understanding why her mother wore such a sorrowful expression sometimes made her angry.  

The young Rafaella believed there was only one thing she could do for her mother:  

To stay cheerful so her mother wouldn’t worry.  

‘As long as I have Mom, it’s okay if anyone bothers me.’  

If only she could drive away her mother’s sadness.  

If only she could erase her mother’s worries and concerns.  

Even during this brief separation from her mother, Rafaella was confident she could stay strong.  

And indeed, for the two days her mother was away, Rafaella behaved so admirably that anyone would have thought she was remarkably brave. She got along well with her father, grandmother, Aunt Penelope, and even the maids. Everyone at the Blumhart Ducal Residence found her endearing.  

‘Mom will be so proud when she sees how well I’ve been doing, won’t she?’  

But it wasn’t bravery—it was endurance.  

Rafaella’s composure was an act of patience for her mother, who would be deeply saddened if she didn’t seem okay when she returned.  

Seeing her father in place of her mother, morning and evening, provided some solace, but it didn’t offer the deep sense of security that only her mother, who had been with her all her life, could provide.  

Nevertheless, Rafaella kept her spirits up and managed to suppress her longing for her mother until the second night.  

However, after greeting Johann, who had returned late that evening, and falling asleep shortly after, Rafaella had a terrifying nightmare.  

In her dream, her mother, whom she missed so dearly, appeared.  

At first, Rafaella was incredibly happy.  

‘It’s Mom! Mom and I are together!’  

But unlike in reality, her mother appeared much thinner and held her hand tightly as they headed somewhere.  

Rafaella felt that the situation was strangely familiar.  

It was because she had experienced something similar in a dream last year.  

In the dream, her mother took her from a cabin in Lorem Mountain to the Blumhart Ducal Residence. Though the dream closely resembled reality, it changed once they arrived at the ducal residence.  

The next day, her mother left her at the residence and departed.  

‘Mom? Where are you going? Why are you leaving me behind?’  

Rafaella cried and begged her mother to take her along, but her mother refused.  

“Rafaella, you have to be brave. Okay?”  

“Mom, take me with you. I want to go too.”  

“…No, Raffy. This is your home now.”  

“Is it because I didn’t listen to you that you’re not taking me with you?”  

“No, Raffy. I’ll always love you.”  

“…Then why are you leaving me?”  

“Because I can’t be with you anymore. I’m sorry, Raffy.”  

Her mother’s eyes, filled with sorrow and pain as she spoke, left Rafaella unable to plead any further.  

Rafaella sat down and cried her heart out as she watched her mother’s retreating figure. Then, she woke up.  

“…Hah.”  

‘……It was a dream.’  

Rafaella sighed as she felt the soft texture of her bed.  

The room was still dark, indicating that it was early dawn.  

Her pajamas were drenched in sweat from the terrible nightmare.  

“…Mom, Mom.”  

The child cried quietly, worried that she might wake Paula, who was likely sleeping in the adjacent room.  

The vividness of the dream made her miss her mother even more.  

Rafaella, sobbing silently, got out of bed and searched for a mirror.  

‘Mom said our eyes are connected.’  

She wanted to see her emerald-green eyes, the same as her mother’s.  

But searching for a mirror in the dark wasn’t easy for the little girl.  

Unable to find the mirror, Rafaella eventually returned to bed.  

‘…I can’t see it. It’s nowhere. Mom, Mom.’  

Until Paula woke up and came to find her, Rafaella couldn’t stop crying.  

Thus, morning arrived.  

“Oh my goodness, Miss!”  

Paula, who had come to check on Rafaella as soon as she woke up, was startled and rushed over to the child.  

Rafaella, who had been perfectly fine the night before, was now drenched in sweat.  

Her face and body burned with fever as if she were on fire.  

“…Mom, Mom.”  

Rafaella mumbled feverishly, tears streaming down her cheeks.  

Seeing her like that made Paula tear up.  

It seemed the young lady, who had been pretending to be fine, hadn’t been okay at all during the days without her mother.  

‘I thought she was doing well, but I didn’t notice her inner struggles.’  

Pulling the bell cord, Paula instructed Helen, who entered the room, to look after Rafaella while she hurried out.  

She called over a passing servant and ordered them to fetch a healing mage from the annex immediately.  

The urgency in Paula’s expression prompted the servant to run toward the annex.  

Paula then rushed to the first-floor dining room to inform Johann, who was waiting for Rafaella.  

***

“Why is the child, who was perfectly fine until yesterday, suddenly sick?”  

Johann, who arrived at Rafaella’s room with Paula in large strides, questioned the healing mage who had just arrived.  

The mage, flustered by the sudden question and the urgency of the situation, quickly examined the young lady’s condition, as Johann was his employer.  

Standing beside the mage, Johann looked at his daughter, who was burning with a high fever and appeared to be in pain.  

Seeing Rafaella’s flushed face made Johann clench his fists tightly in distress.  

Then, a faint headache began to throb, causing him to furrow his brows.  

Suddenly, unfamiliar memories flashed through his mind.  

“Lia, I think Raffy has a fever.”  

“Hmm, this is just a slight fever; it’s nothing to worry about.”  

“How can you say this is nothing to worry about?”  

“Trust me, I’ve taken care of village children often enough to know. She’s still a baby.”  

“Even so…”  

“If the fever persists, we’ll give her some fever medicine then.”  

In the memory that surfaced, Lia appeared younger than she was now, and Rafaella was just a tiny baby.  

‘…What is this memory?’  

Though the recollection was faint, Johann could vividly feel the anxiety he had experienced back then.  

“Your Grace, Your Grace?”  

“…Speak.”  

He finally responded to the mage’s call, albeit belatedly.  

“Fortunately, the young lady doesn’t seem to have any physical abnormalities…”  

“How can she not have any abnormalities when she’s burning up with fever?”  

Johann sharply interrupted before the mage could finish his sentence.  

“It seems to be an illness of the heart manifesting in the body.”  

The mage silently recited to himself, ‘He’s my employer, my employer,’ as he answered politely.  

“…An illness of the heart?”  

“Yes, it appears that Miss Lia’s absence has caused her distress, which has now affected her physically.”  

“She was fine until last night. Why all of a sudden…?”  

“Even though she’s remarkably mature, she’s still only seven years old.”  

“…Hah.”  

Johann felt like punching himself for confidently telling Lia not to worry about Rafaella.  

He hadn’t realized that his daughter might have been suppressing her longing for her mother deep in her heart.  

He had mistaken Rafaella’s outward composure for genuine well-being.  

The sadness he had seen in her eyes the previous night was not a figment of his imagination.  

‘I should have asked her instead of brushing it off.’  

He regretted dismissing it as nothing and not addressing it yesterday.  

“Healing magic can reduce the fever to some extent, so there’s no need to worry.”  

“Please take care of it.”  

“However, the magic won’t completely eliminate the fever. She’ll need to take fever medicine and rest in her room for a while.”  

“Understood.” 

“…Her body and heart both need to find stability to prevent the fever from returning.”  

In other words, Johann had to take on the role Lia usually played for Rafaella during her absence to help the child regain her stability.  

‘Honestly, I’m not confident, but I made a promise, and I don’t want her to get sick again.’  

He resolved to do whatever it took to provide his daughter with a sense of security.  

After using healing magic to lower Rafaella’s high fever, the mage left to fetch fever medicine from the annex.  

Meanwhile, Paula and Helen wiped Rafaella’s body with a warm, damp cloth and changed her into fresh pajamas.  

“Mom, Mom…”  

Although the fever had subsided thanks to the healing magic, it couldn’t cure the illness of the heart, and Rafaella continued to call for her mother.  

“I’ll take care of Rafaella. Everyone else can leave.”  

“Yes, Your Grace.”  

Paula and Helen were slightly surprised by Johann’s declaration that he would personally tend to Rafaella, but they quietly left the room.  

They headed to the kitchen to prepare warm oatmeal porridge for the sick child.  

“Samuel, cancel all my appointments for today.”  

“Yes, Your Grace.”  

Isabella, who had heard the news belatedly, entered the room with the mage carrying the fever medicine.  

“Is Rafaella feeling better now?”  

“She’ll need a few more rounds of healing magic to stabilize, but she’s fine, Duchess Dowager.”  

The mage answered Isabella’s question on Johann’s behalf.  

“That’s a relief. Still, for such a young child to suffer from an illness of the heart…”  

She gently stroked Rafaella’s sweat-soaked hair.  

The mage mentioned that he would return in the afternoon and again in the evening to check on Rafaella before leaving the fever medicine behind.  

“…I foolishly thought Rafaella was fine.”  

“Johann.”  

“I told her not to worry, and now I feel ridiculous.”  

Johann looked at Rafaella, who was now breathing more evenly and softly snoring.  

“I thought I could at least pretend to be a parent, but being a parent isn’t something you can fake.”  

Isabella silently patted her son’s shoulder.  

“Mother, it might sound absurd for me to say this now, but… I want to be, if not a good father, at least a decent parent to Rafaella.”