“Haah…”

If, unaware of Ethan’s agony, fought against the heat that still lingered in her body. The breath of another person brushing against her most sensitive parts, the searing hot tongue, dripping with saliva, stirring deep inside her.

The sensation, something she had never experienced before, was so vivid that it felt like a burn, leaving no room for her mind to cloud over. Her body trembled of its own accord, shaking uncontrollably, and even her breathing was erratic, making her head spin.

“E-Ethan…”

The heat that filled her entire body rose to her face, even staining her eyes. Unable to stand the heat that overwhelmed her, If let her tears fall.

Her selfish desires and voice choked with sobs.

In the end, Ethan couldn’t even keep his own *rousal out of his trousers and had to pull away from her body instead.

“Haah…”

A conscience he never even knew he had was, for some reason, in complete turmoil today. It was as if it had decided to make up for a lifetime of silence by stabbing relentlessly at his heart.

Ethan sighed heavily as he ran his hands through his hair and looked over at If.

When he gently pressed the back of his hand to the flushed corner of her eye, her skin quickly tightened.

If she was going to react like that to just a little kiss, it would be a long time before they could move on.

With another groan, Ethan lowered his head and buried his face in his own shoulder.

Following his lead, If also leaned in and pressed her face against his shoulder. Then, in a voice thick with emotion, she whispered a brief confession of her feelings.

“This… feels strange.”

When she sniffled, she wiped her nose. The corners of her eyes and the tip of her nose were red. It wasn’t so much from the pain, but more from the shock-tears that came from being overwhelmed.

It was a part of her body that had never served much purpose, nothing more than a decoration she never thought to use. She had never even touched it.

Just like her hands and feet, it was just another part of her body – and yet someone else had touched it.

Not just touched it, licked it.

It was nothing like a kiss, where tongues intertwined.

When the tongue brushed her cheek, it tickled.

When it stroked her neck, it stung.

When it slid over her fingers, it felt wet.

And when it trailed along her stomach, her toes curled tightly together.

But when it touched her lower body, her vision flashed.

The sensation of her vision going completely white was strange and frightening.

Yes, if she had to define that feeling, it was fear.

A wave of fear, something she had never experienced before, washed over her mercilessly.

Not knowing how to deal with the onslaught of emotions, If broke down once more and burst into tears.

It was Ethan who was startled by the silent tears that fell drop by drop.

He thought she had stopped crying, but now her tears were soaking his shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I said I’m sorry, OK? Please stop crying, OK?”

Flustered, Ethan sat up hastily.

For someone like her, who was usually so bad at expressing emotions, to cry without making a sound – it was Ethan who was even more shocked.

The tears poured down like a waterfall.

Even as he frantically wiped her eyes with his thumb, the tears kept coming, leaving her eyes red and raw.

“I don’t know…”

His heart was beating abnormally fast. The way her shoulders shook so violently made his chest feel heavy.

Holding If’s shaking body tightly in his arms, Ethan stroked her back gently.

As his hand moved in steady, rhythmic strokes, the shaking in her body began to calm.

For the first time, If had poured out all her emotions without holding back, and now, like a child who had cried her heart out, she closed her eyes in relief.

“…Ha.”

Ethan let out a hollow laugh at the absurdity of it all.

The soft sound of her breathing, still uneven, felt unreal.

The way her breath brushed against his ear tickled him.

And the part of him that had calmed down for a moment suddenly became painfully hard again.

Damn it.

Ethan stood there blankly, unable to do anything about his painfully stiff *rection, muttering harsh curses under his breath.

***

His lower abdomen throbbed from holding back while still aroused.

Letting out a deep, heavy sigh at the uncomfortable pain, Ethan ran a hand through his hair.

He had just been about to take things to the next level – but of course that had been ruined.

It felt like his life had just been drastically cut short.

Meanwhile, the woman who had brought him to this state was sleeping soundly, without a care in the world.

And to make matters worse, when he tried to get up and look after himself, she clung to him.

Whenever he tried to pull away, she frowned and whimpered, making it impossible to push her away.

Ethan let out another sigh as he looked down at the woman sleeping soundly, using his arm as a pillow.

Soft, steady breaths escaped her lips in a rhythmic pattern.

The sight of her sleeping so peacefully, completely unaware of what she had put him through, was almost absurd.

And yet, when it came down to it, wasn’t the whole situation ultimately his own doing?

She slept in his arms, not knowing what the man who had made her cry would do next.

The corners of her eyes, red from crying, had returned to their usual pale colour.

But there was nothing he could do about her damp lashes, still wet with tears.

Ethan pulled hard on the end of his sleeve and pressed it against her eyes.

“Tsk.”

The cloth tore under the force he couldn’t resist.

There was nothing he could do about it – he had pulled the clothes, which were cut to fit snugly so as not to get in the way of his movements, all the way down to cover the back of his hand.

Clucking his tongue, Ethan looked down at the tattered remains of his clothes.

They hadn’t been in good shape to begin with – something he’d picked up, already worn and frayed – but now, after all the rough treatment, they were nothing more than rags.

With one arm, he deftly shrugged off his outer garment.

But the sleeve, caught in the small head clinging to it, tore with a loud rip.

Torn to shreds, the cloth soon disappeared into the campfire, becoming fuel for the flames.

She slept soundly, blissfully unaware of the discomfort she had caused him.

Indignantly, Ethan pressed a finger to her round nose.

“Mmnn…”

Ethan chuckled softly as she responded instantly and lowered her head.

She should have opened her eyes by now, but all he could hear was her calm, steady breathing.

How could she follow him so completely without knowing anything?

For Ethan – who had lived his whole life without trusting anyone – it was something he couldn’t understand.

Was it because he was the first person she had met since coming here?

Because she hadn’t been able to meet anyone for so long?

Like a newborn chick imprinting on the first thing it sees, was she following him for no reason at all?

But even that explanation didn’t quite fit – she had too strong a sense of self for that.

Stubborn and completely self-centred, with no regard for others.

A woman more interested in her surroundings than in people.

Was it indifference that made her ignore what others were doing?

Ethan remembered how If had been in the beginning – showing little expression and rarely reacting.

She only answered when asked and showed a dullness to emotion that any human should have.

If he had to compare her to anything, she was like a lump of iron found in an ancient ruin.

And yet, what set her apart from those things was that, though dull, she had emotions.

Even if, once those emotions broke out, she couldn’t control them.

He found that truly fascinating – even if, in truth, she might find him even more fascinating.

Ethan had been betrayed by someone he had once considered a comrade.

It had been a moment of carelessness.

Even on the brink of death, what he felt towards that man was anger – not the pain of betrayal.

His first emotion was anger, and the second was a burning desire for revenge.

Everything else shifted according to the situation.

Emotions that changed in an instant were never difficult for him. If anything, it felt natural.

But she was different – when an emotion overwhelmed her, she stayed trapped in it for a long time.

Until she was exhausted enough to fall asleep.

Maybe it was because crying took a lot of energy, but it was still noticeable.

‘…She’s a headache, but I can’t just leave her behind either.’

Once she’s out in the world, she’ll see more people, have more experiences, and deal with emotions far more powerful than those she’s dealing with now.

The target of those feelings might be him again, as it is now – or it might be someone else.

What would someone who had lived alone for seventy years think when she saw other people?

Not that he was in a position to say, but there were plenty of people out there who were far worse than he was.

If she blindly followed someone without knowing anything, and something terrible happened, she wouldn’t even have a reason to complain.

But no matter how much he worried, If’s clear, innocent face didn’t show a trace of concern.

Ethan ran his hand over the spot where her lips had touched.

Soft hands, without a single callus.

Hands that had never known hardship – hands that had never done a day’s work.

If, fast asleep with her head resting on Ethan’s firm forearm, didn’t stir no matter what he did.

Even her breathing was so quiet that at first glance one might wonder if she was alive at all.

Looking at her completely relaxed form, showing not a hint of caution, Ethan let out a small laugh.

He had no idea what made him feel so safe that she could let herself go like that.

Even when he gently tapped her cheek, she continued to sleep soundly.

Poking her soft cheek for a moment, Ethan eventually rested the back of his hand against it.

Since his body temperature ran high, he could easily feel how cool her skin was by comparison.

‘…She’s cold.’

She wasn’t very sensitive to the cold, so it was up to him to keep her warm.

Ethan turned his body to the side, using himself as a shield against the wind blowing in from the outside.

Only after pulling the fur that had slipped down her chest back up to her neck did he finally pull his hand away.

Watching her body now snugly wrapped in the fur, Ethan lowered his head with a sigh.

“…”

His head resting on the fur spread out beneath them was anything but comfortable.

With no pillow and only the bare, rocky ground beneath him, there was nothing to be done.

Still, for a night spent outdoors, this was a pretty decent setup.

At least they had time to treat injuries if they happened, an almost universal healing potion at hand, and even a place to rest with some comfort.

Maybe that was why.

Because this situation was comfortable – too comfortable, too usable – it made him want to take care of her.

Ethan looked at the face before him.

Messy strands of hair, a smooth forehead leading down to a round nose.

Thick lashes resting on tightly closed eyelids swayed slightly with each breath.

His eyes swept down, stopping at her slightly red lips. Only then did Ethan close his own eyes.

How many days like this had there been in his life – days when he felt good?

Not even one.