Lev, the first person to betray God. The fact that the first apostate described in scripture happened to be a woman meant Lev had carried an internalized sense of guilt, knowingly or not. 

And she wasn’t alone—other female believers felt the same way.

Moreover, menstrual pain was something most women experienced. Childbirth brought even more extreme suffering. 

Raoul and several other priests claimed this was because women were sinful. Though Lev hated to accept it, she’d bitten her lip at the stark difference visible before her eyes.

“Ah. Physical suffering… That’s certainly true. But thinking about it differently, men have shorter lifespans and often die young, so should we interpret that as them not receiving God’s expectations?”

“What?”

“They’re much closer to battlefields and sl*ughter, and their basic lifespan is shorter. Could there be room to interpret that there’s no point in punishing them with pain like women? Though I don’t know if they truly experience less pain.”

He spoke with a calm expression. When he, who had experienced war, propped his chin and spoke seriously to himself, Lev quickly shut her mouth. He raised his eyes to look at Lev and smiled. It was a silent message that he didn’t agree with the nonsense some people spouted.

“We’re taught that Lev committed the first sin, but paradoxically, there are more Amans in the world.”

Aman was the man who committed the first sin alongside Lev. Though they committed the same sin, religious circles avoided pointing fingers at him, claiming he’d fallen for Lev’s temptation.

“The pit of sin is always full of Amans. Especially on this earth. Yet it’s a bit peculiar that the first sinner is Lev. Is she really the first sinner? When I get to heaven someday, I’ll have to ask the Holy Spirit. Oh, I’ll make sure to ask why women suffer pain during menstruation too.”

Lev couldn’t take her eyes off him. At the light joke that finished his words, a smile rose from her relaxed lips.

Solaith was taking the priests’ logic as is and reflecting back their biased opinions. It was a question no one under the temple’s roof had asked. A contradiction no one had pondered. At his words, like a hint, Lev felt like the tilted scales had straightened.

“So don’t worry about it. That worthless talk.”

Somewhat informal language flowed from Solaith. But far from being surprised, Lev showed a silent smile. Then Solaith rejoiced like he’d discovered light in darkness.

“Either way, I think I’m the most sinful person here.”

“…What? Your Holiness?”

“Yes. Because I have the most pain.”

At the random statement, Lev earnestly worried, and a happy smile appeared on the man’s face.

Because I was born with the fate of not being able to kiss you here right now.

Because I can’t hold your hand and descend the plateau right now.

“If you tell me where it hurts… I’ll do my very best…”

“Oh! Sister, more than that.”

Over Lev’s urgent expression, he spoke casually.

“What do you think about going outside the temple?”

“Outside?”

“Yes. The outside world.”

“…Leaving this place?”

“Yes. A life of leaving the temple and living freely.”

Lev was flustered by the sudden topic change, wondering what he was talking about, but Solaith’s eyes were sparkling so brightly she couldn’t help but answer.

“I’ve imagined it, but… I’ve never actually thought about leaving.”

It was a lie. She was weakly clenching her fist under the desk. She’d thought countless times about leaving this place and traveling the world. Enough to dream about it. If Solaith were beside her, it would be an incomparably happy world.

But.

‘I can’t shake him that far. When he’s already lost his purity because of me. Not that far…’

Lev fidgeted with her fingers, pushing under her nails.

Solaith was clearly a man bearing sacred duty. Someone who received the golden throne, revelation, and healing abilities with his first breath. She didn’t want to steal such a person’s nest and drag him into her selfish desires.

She was afraid it would become not just her sin, but Solaith’s sin.

If by some chance the Holy Spirit questioned Solaith about female sins, she didn’t have the confidence to endure it. Part of her mind clearly thought it was needless worry, but for now there was no other way.

“This is already my home. There’s probably no place happier than Demaret. If Your Holiness protects the temple well, this place will be my paradise.”

A happy place. Rather than Lev’s true feelings, it was closer to the heart she’d inevitably used to comfort herself to settle down and live, having nowhere else to go. But the last words were true. 

If Solaith was there, even a place like this would be a dazzling paradise.

When Lev smiled brightly, Solaith couldn’t urge her further. He moved his lips to say something, then respected her decision with a bitter smile. The most important thing was Lev’s heart and her happiness.

“If that’s your will… I’ll cultivate your paradise into a pleasant place to live.”

Solaith’s eyes as he said this rippled beautifully, like a yellow butterfly had settled there.

“If there’s any part where you need my help, please tell me. For example…”

Then a suggestive gaze poured out. Solaith suddenly leaned toward the desk, drawing closer to Lev. Then a refreshing yet bewitching scent rushed from his body.

“I was worried your precious body might have been damaged yesterday, so I gave you healing while you slept. Forgive me, but I couldn’t use my fingers for fear of causing wounds… so I put my tongue in your hole all night and coated it with bodily fluids. There might still be torn wounds, so please tell me if you have any pain.”

Lev’s sweet rosy cheeks instantly turned pale.

What is he saying right now? Did I hear that correctly?

Lev tried to chase away the lewd imagination the soft voice evoked from her mind. But despite her efforts, an image of him licking her g*nitals while she slept came to mind.

“Ah, aah… I see. Yes. Ah, I understand. Your Holiness.”

Lev barely answered, feeling like her ears would burst. She couldn’t meet his eyes. But Solaith, who gazed at her with drooping eyebrows looking pitiful, was far too calm.

The man watched her silently, then spoke again.

“I heard that if a man’s p*nis is too large, it’s especially painful for a woman during her first experience. Yesterday your hole was particularly tight, chewing enough to break off my member… So you must have been in considerable pain. If you give me the chance anytime, I’ll serve you by rubbing your damaged v*gina well with my tongue…”

“St-stop!”

Lev cut off his words.

“Ah… I understand, Your Holiness. I’m really fine, so you don’t need to worry so much.”

She was embarrassed. Lev reached the point of bowing her head like usual and hiding her reddened nose bridge. Sweat was seeping from her fist tightly gripping her skirt.

“…Yes. Whenever you have any pain, please come find me.”

Whether it’s your br*asts or your womb, it doesn’t matter.

But he shook her with even bolder words. Lev couldn’t even answer anymore.

Certainly after he touched her br*asts, and after they had penetrative intercourse, her ovulation pain had disappeared. The electric current that had tingled through her chest had also subsided, and the anxiety that came with br*ast pain had decreased.

She wanted to think it was because she’d received his bodily fluids, but her mind kept recalling the image of his dense golden eyelashes approaching near her g*nitals. She remembered him inserting his long tongue into her hole, licking and gently pistoning.

‘I’m crazy. Stop it, Lev. You’ll really be punished.’

Lev suffered from guilt while looking at Solaith, who held her hand worriedly with a pitiful expression. What am I imagining about someone who’s worried about me?

Feeling her lower belly contracting, Lev desperately wanted to leave the room quickly. So she was about to brush past and wrap things up when—

“Sister.”

Solaith gripped her hand more strongly and spoke.

“Actually, there’s a lot I still want to do.”

“What?”

He gently lowered his gaze toward Lev’s hand and softly stroked the surface where thin blood vessels showed. Then he fixed his golden eyes on her again.

“I want to teach you various joys one by one. I want to cherish the expression you’ll make then forever.”

It was a gaze that clung to her piercingly and persistently.

A pleasant voice. The desire within it that would overwhelm Lev. Lev unknowingly swallowed dry saliva, her throat parched.

Then she realized.

That now wasn’t the time for her to worry about Solaith. That he was the chef watching how to cook ingredients placed on the cutting board n*ked, and that she alone had overlooked this here.

A baby bird’s chirping was heard beyond the window, then disappeared with a flutter.

* * *

On the way back with a light heart after finishing her daily work.

Lev encountered an unexpected ambush. It was the temple’s shadow she’d forgotten about because she hadn’t run into him for so long—Raoul.

“Follow me for a moment.”

A person who always appeared at unexpected moments and unexpectedly overturned happiness. He was noticeably agitated, crinkling his narrow eyes even more sharply than usual.

Lev followed him to the back of the annex. The faded plateau grass crunching underfoot felt even more vivid beneath her shoes.

He took Lev to the edge of the desolate plateau, where small territories lined up densely below the mountain range could be seen at a glance.

“Why did you call me?”

Lev asked coldly. A stronger conviction than usual was embedded in her voice. Perhaps she’d anticipated that today, the persistent shackle would break.

“I know you’re sleeping with St. Yusdainut.”

“…”

Raoul was crinkling his expression without restraint, like looking at something very dirty, like the manifestation of sin itself.

Lev had already made a judgment in her heart about her own actions. It meant she would no longer depend on her own standards or those of others. So the priest’s angry voice wasn’t frightening.

“So what?”

Then an incredulous laugh interfered with the end of his words.

“You succeeded in corrupting a man and now you’re so bold. You wicked thing. I saw through you from childhood. Daring to talk back clearly to a priest’s words and showing pride. I saw through you from when you asked many questions in scripture lessons.”

Raoul seemed to have lost his reason to vindication and vengeance. In contrast, Lev’s expression was peaceful compared to his.

“Priest. No, brother. I ask you. Don’t become any more unsightly.”

The naive girl who trembled at his single threat and offered innocent prayers was gone now.

“You didn’t climb this mountain range diligently to practice desire and misconduct, did you?”

She didn’t add lengthy words. She didn’t get caught up in his malicious words, nor did she listen to his nonsense and try to make excuses.

Because she knew it was worthless talk.

“A b*tch who threw away her purity with the saint has a lot to say.”

She didn’t know how he found out, but in the narrow temple, it wouldn’t be strange if someone knew about a man and woman’s secret affair. Lev exhaled a long breath.

“Can brother’s obsession be called pure? Can the act of chasing and tormenting me be called pure?”

Her voice rose in anger at him daring to put the word purity in his mouth.

“I’ve already been defiled. Because of you. I’ve been stained because of your lewdness.”

Ha. Lev clicked her tongue quietly and turned her head to the side. Her patience for listening to the man’s words that couldn’t even draw a bitter laugh was running out.

“So what do you want to say?”

She was trying to end the conversation quickly when he said something that caught Lev’s ear.