Chapter 4.5

She felt a chill run through her veins. The color drained from her face. But if she’d only seen him leaving from a distance, she had room to make excuses. Forcing a smile, Katia waved her hand dismissively.

“He just stopped by to discuss something. It was nothing.”

“Are you sure you only talked?”

“Jamil, why are you doing this?”

“The Captain’s clothes were all wrinkled when he left your room. His collar was undone, and his hair was quite messed up.”

Jamil twirled her glass in her hand, her eyes darkening. Katia met her gaze and was startled. Although she hadn’t done anything wrong, her friend’s eyes seemed to be accusing her.

Suppressing some emotion, Jamil’s voice was rather harsh.

“It wasn’t the first time I saw it. I saw you get into the Captain’s car after work, not once but twice.”

“…Jamil.”

“I try to think positively, but… if I say you two just sat across from each other drinking tea, it doesn’t make sense. So, are you two not dating?”

“Well… about that.”

“Is the Captain forcing you into something?”

Jamil’s eyebrows shot up. The suspicion and anger on her face tightened Katia’s chest. She had considered the possibility of someone finding out someday, but she had been careful nonetheless. It was somewhat fortunate that the person confronting her was Jamil. If it were anyone else, she would have felt much more flustered.

However, the problem was that Jamil had greatly misunderstood the situation. Jamil seemed ready to rush to Leonid and grab him by the collar if Katia said the word. Truly, Katia felt troubled. If she glossed over the situation now, Leonid might be branded as the worst kind of scum. The ironic thing was that they weren’t even in a romantic relationship.

If she were to confess that they were merely physical partners, Katia couldn’t begin to imagine how Jamil would perceive her. She felt frozen, unable to say anything, her lips trembling slightly, while Jamil’s brows furrowed deeply.

“Is it because he’s your superior?”

“What?”

“Is it because Leonid Karev is your superior, and you can’t tell the truth? What did he say to you? What did he do to you?”

Jamil, hot-tempered, slammed her fist on the table. Katia turned pale and shook her head frantically. She glanced around nervously, checking for onlookers, then grabbed Jamil’s hand tightly with both of hers and shook her head.

“No, no! It’s not like that. Please calm down.”

“Then what is it? Why did that man leave your room in such a state?”

At that moment, Katia felt a sudden urge to confide everything to her friend.

She thought she had been going along with the flow, pretending it was nothing, but perhaps deep down, that wasn’t the case. Had she been hoping someone would notice? She wanted to talk about her feelings, to extend her hand and ask for advice on what to do. The unrequited love, the strange relationship where she couldn’t accept his feelings but still engaged physically—it was all weighing heavily on her heart.

As Jamil seemed to calm down slightly from Katia’s touch, she withdrew her hands. She clasped her hands together on the table and opened her mouth hesitantly.

It was clear to Jamil that Katia had something she wanted to say. Instead of pressing her, Jamil patiently waited. If her friend decided to open up, Jamil was more than willing to listen. But if she couldn’t bring herself to speak, Jamil planned to confront Leonid directly. To hell with hierarchy. She muttered curses under her breath.

“Say whatever you want. I’ll just listen.”

“……”

“Don’t keep it bottled up inside, looking like you’re about to burst.”

Even if it’s just ‘The Emperor’s ears are donkey ears,’ you can tell me. 

Jamil smiled deliberately, trying to lighten the mood, and Katia stared at her for a long time. She felt a lump in her throat, as though she might cry.

“Well, the thing is…”

Katia finally began to speak. Jamil nodded once and focused on her friend’s words. Stammering, Katia cautiously revealed her story.

Starting from the moment she felt affection for Alehin, the Crown Prince, to the day Leonid confessed his love for her—it took quite a while to recount everything. Of course, she glossed over the more intimate details of her relationship with Leonid. Jamil listened patiently to the story that stretched until the sky turned orange. She didn’t interrupt with affirmations, sighs, or any other sounds.

When Katia finally finished spilling her secrets, Jamil let out a heavy sigh.

“So, have you completely let go of your feelings for His Highness?”

“I think I’m okay now. Looking back, it seems I confused admiration with affection. Just… really, I’m fine now.”

“Well, it’s a relief Leonid Karev isn’t a complete bastard… So, neither the Captain nor Aide Glendale is on your mind now?”

“Broin… no. Definitely not.”

“Then do you like the Captain?”

I’m not sure… 

Katia clutched her head and slammed it onto the table. Watching her, Jamil clicked her tongue.

“I don’t know if I like Captain Karev or if I’ve just grown accustomed to him… I mean, I’m so used to his kindness that I might be mistaking comfort for affection.”

Jamil scratched her head and grumbled.

“I haven’t had much experience in love either, so I don’t think I can give you good advice.”

“Sorry, I guess I dumped a mess of a story on you.”

“But Katia, love doesn’t always have to make your heart race like crazy.”

“That’s… true.”

“Sometimes, like ink soaking into paper, you might gradually realize that your feelings have turned into love.”

“You’re not just siding with your superior, are you?”

Jamil’s eyes narrowed sharply.

“Hey, why would I defend Leonid Karev just because he’s my superior? He’s just a good, reliable person.”

“Well, uh…”

“If it were you, would you side with Darius just because he’s your superior?”

“Are you crazy?”

“Exactly.”

Katia and Jamil laughed together. But soon, the smile faded from Katia’s face. She rubbed her forehead with a troubled expression and said,

“But I’m not sure if I should accept his feelings.”

“Why? He says he likes you.”

“Well…”

As she tried to organize her thoughts, Katia realized why she couldn’t easily accept Leonid’s feelings. A wave of sadness washed over her, and her voice lacked energy.

“His Highness and the Captain are similar.”

“What? How?”

“They live in worlds too far removed from mine.”

They were heirs to prestigious families and successors to their legacies. Moreover, their personal abilities were outstanding. If Alehin was the Crown Prince, Leonid was his closest confidant, destined to serve the future king. They were individuals whose futures were clearly mapped out, living in a different world from Katia, who came from an ordinary family and had risen to her position solely through intelligence.

Understanding what Katia was trying to say, Jamil clicked her tongue.

“Well, that’s true.”

“Just as His Highness will someday meet someone suitable for him, the Captain will also find someone who matches him… I feel like I’m just temporarily occupying a spot that will eventually be handed over.”

Saying that aloud made Katia feel a sharp pain in her chest. Her nose stung, and her eyes grew warm.

Even though the world had changed, invisible hierarchies still existed. In some ways, it had been easier when she was infatuated with Alehin. That had been a one-sided feeling she could suppress without hurting anyone else.

But her relationship with Leonid was different. Leonid had confessed his love to her first. Even if she were to become his lover purely because of his status, Katia was certain their relationship wouldn’t last long.

If her feelings for Leonid grew into love during that time, she would end up deeply hurt. It was better not to start at all. If she ended things now, she could minimize the pain for both herself and Leonid.

“So, I think it’s best not to go any further.”

“Katia.”

“Talking to you helped me make up my mind, Jamil.”

Jamil’s expression darkened as she looked at Katia, who seemed resolute. She opened her mouth to say more but then shouted loudly, 

“Fine! If that’s what you think, I won’t force you! But Katia, I hope you don’t give up too easily.”

“……”

“Leonid Karev might not be such a bad guy. If he’s sincere enough to want to stay by your side even knowing you like someone else, he might do whatever it takes to protect you, regardless of family or status.”

Still, the choice is yours. 

Jamil shrugged and turned around, raising her hand to order two strong drinks. She held up a glass the size of her fist and offered it to Katia.

Katia raised her glass with a bittersweet smile and clinked it against Jamil’s.

“Whatever choice you make, I hope it brings you happiness.”

“Thank you, Jamil.”

The two of them emptied their glasses in one go. Katia set down her empty glass and gazed out at the sea. The sun was slowly plunging below the horizon.

Just as the sun rises and sets, every beginning has an end. Her relationship with Leonid would soon come to an end, just like that.