Jafflin glanced at Delis, who had just mentioned that she might never regain her memories, and noticed the darkness in her expression.
“Oh,”
Jafflin quickly added, realizing that his words might have come across the wrong way to Delis.
“Of course, recovering your memories will be difficult. Yes, yes, it will be. But it’s okay if you don’t get them back. Memories can always be made anew, right?”
“But… I still don’t know how to deal with others when I’ve lost my memories. Especially…”
Roan, she thought, though her concerns seemed to be more about the Duke than anyone else.
“I still can’t quite believe that I have a husband. And Roan, surely he must be uncomfortable seeing me like this.”
Delis spoke with a worried expression. She wasn’t even sure about her own feelings, let alone his—especially his feelings towards the ‘her’ who had lost her memory.
“You don’t need to feel so burdened. I believe that Roan, whom you’re especially concerned about, is someone you don’t need to worry about at all.”
Jafflin spoke playfully but with almost certain confidence. She was grateful for his attempt to reassure her, but Delis’s heart only sank further. What kind of person did he like? It was her, and yet surely, it wasn’t the same her as now.
“Don’t worry about your memories. They’ll surely return.”
Her husband’s words, spoken a few days after she had woken up, still circled in her mind. He had said them with such conviction.
But what if they didn’t? What if she never recovered any memories? What would happen then?
Their relationship felt like it could only be complete if her memories returned. It was a sad thought.
***
After Jafflin returned to the palace, Delis sat in her room, trying to organize her thoughts. She glanced at the bracelet with a cracked red gem that was sitting on the table beside her bed. The bracelet, which her husband had given her, had supposedly protected her from a fire, saving her life.
Even then, it might have been too late if he hadn’t come to her sooner. She gently touched the still-glimmering gem with her fingertips. The fact that she had always worn his gift suggested that she had liked him quite a bit as well.
Delis ran her hand over the table, which still bore traces of the past. Absentmindedly, she opened a drawer and discovered a book-like object tucked in the corner.
It seemed to be hers. She pulled it out and opened the well-worn book. It appeared to be her diary.
11th of June, 271st year of the Imperial Calendar.
The first page of my record.
I heard diaries are becoming popular again, so I thought I’d write in one occasionally when I feel like it. Since it’s a secret diary, I’m not going to show it to anyone. As for what happened today… Hm. I can’t really remember. Every day is the same lately. Roan looked so handsome again today.
18th of June, 271st year of the Imperial Calendar.
Why is it so difficult to learn magic? Where is the talent I supposedly have? Jafflin… No, I should call him Master. Honestly, I’m starting to worry that he might be lying to me. Actually, I don’t even want to call him Master. But I suppose the one who’s at a disadvantage has to be the one to bow.
Most of the content was about what she had eaten, whom she had talked to, and what she had been working hard on… all very mundane things. As she flipped through the diary, Delis felt a strange sensation. Her past self seemed quite cheerful. Even in her complaints, there was a sense of happiness.
As she rapidly turned the pages, one entry caught her attention.
31st of June, 271st year of the Imperial Calendar.
Roan is going to the battlefield. He leaves in just a few days. I’m actually really sad that he’s going and very worried. But I didn’t show it. I didn’t want to worry him. Please come back safely.
She hadn’t known that he had gone to war. Of course, it made sense since she had lost her memory, but no one had mentioned the war.
1st of August, 271st year of the Imperial Calendar.
It’s been a while since I wrote in this diary. A lot has happened. I didn’t mention before that Roan had a half-brother. His name is Jude. He seemed very guarded at first, but now that he’s settling into the mansion well, I feel a sense of pride. And Alexandra, I mean, Mother, seems much more stable than before. Anyway, I’m glad that everyone seems to be doing well.
The person who wrote this was her, and the person who found it unfamiliar was also her. Delis felt a mix of indescribable alienation and tenderness, leaving her in a state of confusion.
That’s when she heard the voice she had been thinking about.
“What are you doing?”
She wasn’t doing anything wrong, just reading her own diary, but Delis jumped in surprise. As she closed the diary, she recalled the promise she had made in it—to never show it to anyone.
For some reason, being alone with him felt a little awkward.
“I was just… exploring my room.”
Her husband had just returned from the palace, still in his formal attire. Delis, who had been too preoccupied to notice before, realized that he was indeed as handsome as the diary had described. Perhaps that’s why all of this felt so unreal, she thought. She asked him,
“Was work tiring?”
“Not too much.”
His words sounded indifferent, but the slightly deepened lines around his eyes hinted at exhaustion, indicating that he wasn’t in the best condition. It seemed likely that he hadn’t slept much in the days since she had awakened. Delis felt an inexplicable sense of guilt.
“What did you do today?”
He asked as he loosened his cravat.
“Well… it was pretty much the same as usual. I talked with some fairies and dwarf, oh, and the prince came by. Did you know?”
At the mention of the prince, Roan’s expression tightened slightly.
“I was aware. How was he?”
“He seemed like an interesting person.”
Delis shared her honest impression, but Roan’s expression remained grim. He seemed to be in a low mood for no apparent reason.
“…I see. How are you feeling?”
Roan shifted the conversation to her health, as if to change the subject. But this time, his question struck Delis differently.
He asked about her health every day without fail. She couldn’t help but think that his daily inquiries might stem from his hope that her memory would return. It could be an exaggerated thought, but Delis couldn’t shake it from her mind.
“Do you hope I’ll regain my memory?”
As soon as she asked, Delis regretted it. The words had slipped out without her thinking.
“What do you mean?”
Roan seemed to realize that her question wasn’t just idle curiosity.
“Just what I said. Do you want me to get my memory back?”
“If you put it that way, yes.”
His answer made Delis feel as though something had dropped inside her.
“…I see.”
Had she been hoping he would say otherwise? Did she want to believe that?
Delis still didn’t feel any particular romantic affection for him. So why was she reacting this way to his simple answer?
“Then what if I never get my memory back?”
Now that she had started, Delis decided to ask everything on her mind.
“……”
Roan pressed his lips into a thin line, seemingly deep in thought.
Unable to bear the silence, Delis quickly asked,
“Are you longing for the person I used to be?”
Roan’s gaze, which had been unfocused, settled on her.
“The person I was who loved you, that’s why you want my memory to return, isn’t it? But I’m not sure… I can’t be sure that I’ll ever get my memory back. I’m not even sure if I’ll ever love you.”
As she spoke, Delis became aware of the painful contradiction in her words. She was telling him she wasn’t sure if she would love him, yet here she was, accusing him of wanting the past version of herself.
“…….”
Roan remained silent, just watching her as he had been. Delis, unwilling to try to decipher the meaning in his silence, hurriedly added,
“If that’s the case, then I…”
“Duchess.”
His deep voice cut through her words. His eyes, when they met hers, were already clouded with sorrow.
“Do you not wish to be with me?”
“…That’s not it. I just,”
What confused Delis most was that she didn’t know what she wanted. Roan’s face grew stern as he asked her,
“If that’s not the case, then why would you say such a thing?”
There was a quiet anger in his voice. He didn’t raise his tone, but she could sense that what he was feeling was far from calm.
“If that’s how you feel, what do you plan to do? Are you saying you would leave this place?”
Delis hadn’t fully thought through what she had said, but she realized how it could be interpreted that way. However, she couldn’t understand why he was angry with her. She had only asked a question. Biting her lip, she asked,
“Then you should answer properly. About the question I asked earlier.”
Roan, who had been staring at her intently, finally spoke.
“Do you think I want the old you back? Of course, I do. And I want the you of now as well.”
Roan took a step closer to Delis.
“To me, you are simply you. The past and the present don’t matter.”
Her heart thudded in a different way now, and she felt a rush of emotions she couldn’t quite understand. He stepped closer to her, closing the distance.
“It’s okay if you don’t love me.”
She felt the cool touch of his hand on her cheek.
“It doesn’t matter if your memory doesn’t return. Just don’t think about leaving.”
His touch was gentle, almost not there at all. His eyes, meeting hers, were filled with a vivid pain.
TL NOTE: Visit and bookmark the story at dusk blossoms for more advanced chapters and updates on its latest release.
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PenelopeNybu
It’s a shame but I will stop reading here. I don’t know if the author didn’t know how to end this novel but since the MC was framed, i lost interest in that novel ….
In my opinion, since that moment everything crashed down…
You don’t know even why they found out about the plot … and author, you crushed the hope of the reader to see the downfall of the villain.. really, it’s a shame..
I’m out