Chapter 17 – D―1

“Is it because of the letter?”

That night, just before she fell asleep, George came into her room, pulled up a chair next to her bed, and asked. Amber feigned ignorance.

“What?”

“You’re in a bad mood, Master.”

“Why would I be?”

“You know.”

She’d expected he’d notice, but not that he’d be so direct…

George was right. She wasn’t in a good mood, and she didn’t bother hiding it, and she knew it herself. Of course, he’d guessed the reason wrong. Her anxiety wasn’t because of the letter, but because of something she’d realized about George…

Amber pulled up her blanket and gave a vague answer.

“Just…”

“Tell me.”

“It’s nothing.”

“That’s why you should tell me.”

His urging sounded a bit brusque, but Amber responded in kind.

“It’s really nothing.”

“That’s what I want to know.”

“…”

“Really nothing.”

He smoothed out the wrinkled edge of her blanket and watched her. Then, with a softened expression, he added,

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“It’s just I remembered the past.”

At last, Amber started to speak.

“I was thinking about myself before I came to Napolia.”

She thought about the time she’d entrusted herself to someone else.

“The truth is, I think I liked that awful fiancé.”

She probably liked Reynold, and she trusted him. Even when she saw him cheating, she thought, ‘Of course,’ but still felt hurt. She’d respond to his words calmly but constantly felt betrayed.

She’d been so obsessed with marriage that she realized it too late.

She even denied it, not wanting to be hurt any more. Told herself she hadn’t cared about such a jerk, that she was fine. If both her marriage and her feelings were shattered, she really wouldn’t have been able to bear it.

Amber smiled bitterly.

“Now I wonder why I ever liked him… but I think I did.”

“…”

George looked as if he didn’t understand. After all the insults she’d thrown at Reynold, it made sense.

“If I think back, Reynold wasn’t like that at first. Whether it was my fault or his, things changed… but he was kind at first.”

When she was young, he’d comforted Amber when others teased her about her freckles. There was a time he never spoke harshly or looked down on her. But as time passed, he changed bit by bit. It was a wrong kind of growth and adaptation. Amber herself had slowly realized that marriage and reality weren’t the same as her dreams. She’d just refused to face it head-on.

“But he’s still a jerk.”

“That’s why I said you were better off without him.”

Amber agreed with the harsh criticism. She wasn’t trying to defend or romanticize Reynold; what mattered was what she was about to confess. The thing that had eaten away at her…

“When I said it was my fault, it was because I was obsessed with marriage. I wanted to be happy like when I lived with Mom and Dad.”

It started in her childhood, which was still vivid even after eight years. When her mother was alive. Her mother had said she hoped her daughter would build a happy family one day, and her father would smile at her mother. Everyone envied their little family.

“I guess I wanted to go back to that time.”

Yes, that must be it. If she could, her father wouldn’t have spent a year as a wreck, and their family would have lived happily ever after like in a fairy tale.

But turning back time only happens in fairy tales. Reality was cold. She couldn’t save her mother, and her father, with a haggard face, relied on his young daughter just to get through each day. Amber had to grow up and become independent to replace her lost mother and broken father.

To protect her remaining family, the ten-year-old girl thought: How can we be happy again?

‘I was happy when I was with Mom and Dad.’

‘Mom said she hoped I’d meet a good family.’

‘I need a family.’

‘Then I’ll be happy again.’

‘I have to get married. I need a family.’

And, forgetting her real purpose, she started clinging to marriage. For Amber, marriage became the condition for happiness, just like in the past. She lived for the past, not the present, but she didn’t realize it then. So she broke off her engagement with Reynold and ran to Napolia, hoping to feel better.

But insomnia followed Amber, tormenting her every night.

‘How did it come to this?’

‘Is this really so painful?’

‘I didn’t even cry. I’m really fine.’

‘Insomnia just because of a broken engagement.’

‘Maybe… No, maybe I should be glad I didn’t marry that jerk.’

‘If you think about it, he was just a tool for me to get married. That’s all.’

‘Really.’

‘…Even so, I never thought he’d do that with someone else.’

Every time her thoughts spiraled, Amber felt like she was walking alone on an empty road. She felt hollow inside. She spent her days scolding herself for not knowing what she wanted.

“That’s why I needed you, George. After, I could at least sleep.”

After saying that, Amber saw George’s eyes fill with anxiety.

She’d known he’d react this way.

Amber turned away from him, too tired to keep talking. Through the corner of her eye, she saw George looking more anxious than ever. He didn’t notice her faint smile. Amber looked at the wall and spoke quietly, as if uninterested.

“But lately, that’s not the only reason…”

She couldn’t see him, but she felt George flinch. Sure enough, he asked, a bit nervously,

“What do you mean?”

“…”

“Master.”

Amber turned her back a little more, resisting his touch.

“I’m sleepy. I’m going to sleep.”

It was too embarrassing to say, ‘It’s just what you’re thinking.’ Especially with him right next to her. Maybe sensing this, George didn’t press further. But Amber’s back burned with his attention.

“…Good night.”

His low voice reached her back a little later. Amber closed her eyes as if by magic.

“Mm.”

At that moment, she knew another sleepless night had begun.

The warm, fluttering night passed by like that.

* * *

After days of relentless rain, it finally stopped. The clouds cleared, and the sun shone brightly—a rare sight lately.

Napolia usually had lots of sunny days, but when the rainy season hit, it would stay cloudy for at least a week. So Merin said the weather would be clear for a while.

It was a perfect day for a date, working in the garden, or looking for other jobs, but the young couple didn’t do any of those things. They stood with her grandmother near the busiest station in town.

They weren’t out for a stroll or to meet someone. Amber smiled gently at the two who’d come to see her off. Thanks to George’s rare warmth and Grandmother’s sociability, the two had grown surprisingly close over the past few days—enough for Amber to feel safe leaving them alone together.

“Don’t worry about me, you two. I don’t know what’s going on, but… It’s probably not serious. I’ll be back soon.”

At the sound of the train whistle, Amber picked up her bag. Unlike when she arrived, she packed lightly for just a few days’ stay.

“Right, give your father my regards.”

Merin made a timely exit.

Just before heading to the entrance, George gave Amber a quick kiss on the lips. He whispered a promise only she could hear.

“I’ll wait for you.”

“Get along with Grandmother. Don’t fight.”

“Of course.”

George added,

“You’ll have something to tell me when you get back, right?”

He must have guessed she was thinking about marriage again. Amber answered with a bright smile.

“Mm.”

When she first arrived here, she’d felt empty, but now she felt full. When she left home, her father was too busy to see her off, but now two people were waiting for her. So she could leave lightly.

Amber didn’t know that George wished her hand in his was his own as she boarded the train.

‘Let’s figure out where and how I want to live before I come back.’

What Amber didn’t realize was that, just like before, she had no idea what would happen to her next.

As she left, Napolia’s scenery was peaceful. The salty breeze, the sea along the tracks, the seagulls flying over the sparkling water, the colorful rooftops clustered along the coast.

Leaving the now-familiar village behind, Amber dreamed of a bright future ahead.