“I know, Swan. I’ll find everything for you. Your husband, your child…”

The word ‘husband’ slipped from his lips. Swan, who had been crying desperately, stiffened and froze. Suddenly, soldiers with torches entered the cave. Swan saw his face in the light. One of the soldiers carefully helped Theo, who had collapsed, to his feet.

She should be looking after him, but her mind couldn’t focus. The word ‘husband’ kept echoing in her head. It felt as if she had been hit on the head with a blunt object. Yet the face illuminated by the red light was gentle and kind, and that made her cry even more.

He had never loved her, but it felt as if he had decided never to love her again. Atlion took her in his arms and lifted her up. Her lips, open in confusion, finally closed. Atlion noticed her stiffness and comforted her gently.

His voice was warm, but the shock remained. Theo, carried on a stretcher, was the first to leave the cave.

“Mirabella, what about her?”

“I’ve found the child. I’ll bring her to you soon.”

His voice was firm. Swan didn’t doubt him. She knew when he said it, it wasn’t a lie. Chaos reigned outside the cave.

It wasn’t the first time she’d been taken hostage, but it was the first time she’d witnessed such a desperate, chaotic fight. Every time swords clashed, the sharp sound of metal rang through the air, making her head spin as if it would explode. Atlion, noticing her expression, kissed her forehead and walked on.

Raoul appeared from somewhere, holding the child wrapped in a blanket. Swan struggled to reach the child. Raoul saw her and, bowing respectfully, handed the child to her. Swan, cradling the child in Atlion’s arms, looked up at him. Despite the added weight of the child, Atlion showed no sign of strain, his expression unchanged. He moved forward with steady strides, the royal guards accompanying him, maintaining their protection.

As they tried to leave the battleground, with enemies charging mercilessly from behind, someone appeared through the dense trees. It wasn’t just one person. Atlion’s expression hardened. Swan also looked up at him, her face frozen.

“Your Majesty.”

Swan shook her head, refusing to move. The heat rising inside her made her close her eyes. Mirabella, who had been lying with her eyes closed, suddenly opened them wide and looked up at Swan, then rolled her eyes to look at Atlion. He gently pinched the child’s plump cheek. Mirabella did not burst into tears.

Even if the face was familiar, a change in clothing could sometimes make one think the person was someone else, leading to tears. But Mirabella seemed to recognise him instantly. Her clear green eyes, similar to Swan’s, stared at him for a long time. Atlion gave her a gentle smile before handing her over to the royal guards.

“Let me go!”

Swan cried, twisting her arm as it was grabbed. Atlion didn’t turn around. Tears streamed down her face.

Swan counted the number of guards left with her. Her tear-filled vision blurred everything, turning a single figure into two, and those two into one. But after a while she couldn’t do it anymore. The royal guards forced her down the hill. She was half dragged down the path.

Eventually, Theo ceased to be her main concern. Even though Theo was on the brink of life and death, it was Atlion who continued to worry her. From the moment he had called her “your husband”. From the moment he had promised to return everything to her.

Her heart pounded. At the end of the hill, the carriage was indeed ready. One of the royal guards opened the door and tried to force Swan inside.

“Let go of me!”

As she was pushed inside, Swan shook off their hands and looked out. As she watched the coachman get into the carriage, it seemed they were about to leave the mountain without delay. Swan continued to stare at Theo, who was still unconscious. He was moaning softly, indicating that he was not dead. Swan watched him for a moment before gently laying the child down beside him.

“Mommy.”

“I’m here.”

“Where are you going?”

Mirabella asked quietly. Swan, watching her daughter as she seemed ready to get up and follow, quickly pulled her into a tight embrace.

“I’m going to your father.”

“Papa’s here…”

Mirabella pointed vaguely at Theo with her finger, her whisper unclear. It felt as if her tears were about to burst. She had been cruel, not only to Mirabella, but also to Atlion, and perhaps even to Theo. All because of her own selfishness… Yes, she had tried to make decisions for Mirabella’s life out of her own desires.

This child had done nothing wrong. This child didn’t need to know about poverty and need. Swan held her close. Mirabella looked up at her and Swan met her gaze and whispered softly.

“I lied to you, Una. I’m sorry. I told you not to lie, but I was a bad mother and so… I lied to you.”

The little girl in her arms looked up at her with confused eyes. The royal guard holding the reins began to urge the horses forward. The carriage began to move slowly. Swan let a single tear fall. Mirabella’s small hand stroked her damp cheek.

“The real father is the man you saw earlier. Do you remember the man who called you Mirabella?”

“Yes.”

“Your real name is also Mirabella. Not Una.”

The child didn’t answer. Before the coach started, Swan kissed her daughter’s forehead and sat her down beside Theo.

“I’m going to your father. I’ll bring him back, I promise… Mirabella, look after Uncle Theo.”

Swan opened the door of the speeding carriage. The child said nothing. There was no struggle to hold her back. As if throwing herself into a troubled, stormy sea, she jumped out. As she leapt from the moving carriage, she stumbled and fell. A short scream escaped her lips. The royal guards, noticing the movement, halted their horses and began to approach the carriage.

Swan covered her lips with her hand, then quickly limped away.

***

She thought back to the night she had wandered the hillside after becoming pregnant again. She had wrapped the newborn in a cloth and set off. The feeling of her tear-stained eyelids and the numbness in her arms were still vivid. Limping on one foot, Swan retraced the path she had taken earlier.

The air left her lips in short gasps. She clutched her stomach. Maybe the child was already inside her. As he had said, there was no escaping pregnancy for Swan. She grabbed a tree as she climbed higher up the mountainside. The light came closer.

She bit her lips, trembling as her eyelids fluttered. She thought of Atlion. She tried not to hate him. She felt that even hate was a form of love, so she didn’t want to hate him. The reason she tried to forget as much as she could was because she wanted to erase even the lingering attachment, believing that it too was love.

Swan had walked through that late night, her face wet and the child inside her – two of them. After a night so heavy it almost crushed her, Swan lost the child. It was a child she had never expected to carry in her womb.

Perhaps it was then that love had completely rotted away. When she had screamed in horror at the blood staining her legs. Maybe instead of erasing that rotten love, she had vowed to hate it for the rest of her life.

But Swan…

Yes, Swan had done nothing. She couldn’t hate him completely, nor could she forget that hatred. The love remained, and that was what made it so hopeless. Even in the moments when she thought she had built a real family, it had been the same.

The reason she didn’t want to start again was fear. The idea of falling in love with a man who didn’t love her was terrifying. She knew how unhappy and disgusting that would be.

She didn’t want to be that silly woman again. It was really frightening. More than Atlion who didn’t love her, she hated herself.

She let go of the tree she was holding onto and took another step forward.

“I don’t understand you…”

Truly, she didn’t. No, she didn’t even understand herself. Swan looked again at the flickering lights and distant sounds. It was a good opportunity. There was no need to look back. There was no need to go back. After all, she had been given the villa where the three of them could live together – that was the best she could hope for.

From Atlion’s words, it seemed he would no longer seek out Swan’s family. He had even said it himself. “Your husband.” He had called Theo “your husband”… In the end, it seemed she had been accepted. And yet…

I didn’t want to love him…