Chapter 9

Reshu felt her face grow hot and clenched her fists tightly. She summoned every ounce of her strength and courage, and confessed.

“…It’s yours.”

“Hm?”

“T-that doll, I did make it when I was a freshman, but originally it was… for… for…”

“Hm?”

“…I made it to give to you.”

There were two legends passed down in Reshu’s hometown. If you made a black doll and secretly hid it in someone’s room, that person would experience ‘an unexpected embarrassing event.’ And if you gave it as a gift, conveying your feelings, that person would have ‘an unexpected good thing happen.’

“When I attended the event as the freshman representative, you helped me a lot, so I wanted to give it to you as a present before summer break! But then…”

One day, Reshu saw Milian in the library, carefully writing a letter on pale floral stationery, letter by letter.

Judging by the pattern and his focused attitude, it could only be a letter to a girl he liked. He would write a word, erase it, write another, crumple the paper and throw it away, so earnest it was almost desperate.

The moment she saw that, Reshu’s feelings flipped. She forgot why she started making the black doll, and all she felt was annoyance and dislike toward Milian. Determined to finish the doll and hide it in Milian’s room as payback, Reshu knitted furiously.

But then, she left the finished doll in the auditorium and lost it. A few days later, Milian himself brought the doll, saying, “This is yours, right? Take it.” Feeling deflated, Reshu gave up on the curse and tossed the doll among her belongings.

“…So I never got to give it to you. Please take it. They say if you make it while thinking of someone and give it as a gift, it brings luck.”

Milian’s eyes showed disbelief. The situation seemed more perplexing to him than the most difficult problem in geometric history.

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why?”

“You made it to give to me?”

“That’s right.”

“…I see. …Back when we were freshmen…”

Milian hugged the tiny doll, about the size of his palm, to his chest. He looked like a big dog treasuring a small pebble.

“It would’ve been nice if you’d given it to me back then.”

“…Why do you say that all of a sudden?”

“Because then you would’ve gifted it to me, saying you made it while thinking of me and that it brings luck. I would’ve been really, really happy.”

Then Milian looked up and said,

“Hey, Reshu. I like you.”

Reshu was startled.

“Are you crying?!”

“Ah… I guess I am.”

“You guess? That’s not something to just end with ‘I guess.’ Why, why are you crying? Did I do something wrong? Is it because I gave you the doll so late? Was it too late?”

“That’s part of it… Yeah, I wish I’d gotten it sooner, it’s a little sad… But I like you. That’s probably why I’m crying. I don’t really know why you cry when you like someone…”

Reshu unconsciously moved closer to Milian. She reached out her fingers to his cheek. Milian’s green eyes, brimming with tears, looked down at her. Reshu’s white fingers gently wiped away the tears that slipped down.

And then, a light kiss landed on his tear-soaked lips.

“…?!”

Milian flinched as if he’d seen a ghost and pulled away, so the kiss lasted only an instant. His eyes were twice as confused as before.

“Reshu, um… did you just kiss me?”

“I kissed you.”

“Why?”

“Because I like you.”

“….”

“Because I like you. Is that not allowed?”

A trembling filled Reshu’s chest. It was a ticklish flutter, like the ripples on a lake in the mist or a feather swaying in the wind. The newness of it was strange, but Reshu didn’t want to turn away from this feeling. Now she knew this emotion was called ‘liking.’

And she’d realized how foolish it was to run away from feelings of love.

“…You like me?”

“I don’t kiss people I don’t like.”

This time, Milian moved first. Feeling the approaching touch, Reshu closed her eyes. A warm, soft tongue slipped between her lips. It was a slightly hesitant, yet deeply affectionate and tender kiss.

Reshu gently bit Milian’s lower lip. Milian responded by caressing her tongue with his own. For the moment they kissed, it was as if their more than twenty years as separate people didn’t exist—they felt like one, sharing a single heartbeat in excitement, fear, and pleasure. Eventually, Milian broke the kiss and spoke.

“I thought you hated me.”

“I didn’t hate you.”

“….”

“I was just scared. I liked you, but I was afraid you wouldn’t like me back. As my feelings grew, I was scared I couldn’t handle the pain if things went wrong. I pretended to dislike you because I didn’t want to get hurt.”

“I thought you hated me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I wanted to tell you. That I like you. There were so many other things I wanted to say, too. I wanted to tell you you’re pretty. That I missed you. I wanted to say it all, but I held back because I thought I shouldn’t.”

Milian’s usually calm, emotionless eyes were now filled with tears. He didn’t pretend to be pitiful, didn’t scrunch his face, just let the tears well up.

For some reason, those tears made Reshu’s heart tremble. She felt sorry for all the pain she’d caused him, and… she was excited.

“Will you say it from now on?”

“I will. I’ll say it all. I like you.”

Their lips met once more. Milian hugged Reshu as if he’d never let go. It was a sweet kiss that felt like it could last forever. As the kiss ended, Reshu playfully asked,

“That ‘nice dream’ you said you had last night… Was it a dirty dream about me?”

Milian answered calmly.

“Ah, yeah… How did you know?”

This time, it was Reshu’s turn to be flustered.

“What? How can you admit that so easily! I was joking! You’re supposed to be embarrassed and answer reluctantly!”

“Did you not like kissing me?”

“N-no, I liked it.”

“Do you not like appearing in my dreams?”

“It’s not that I don’t like it…!”

Reshu’s face turned bright red and she stammered like a baby goldfish. Meanwhile, Milian remained relaxed and gentle.

“Are you worried you appeared weird in my dream? But it’s a dream, I can’t control that.”

“Milian Enokten, be honest.”

“Yeah, about what?”

Milian replied as usual, at ease. Reshu, feeling her cheeks burn, stammered,

“Have you been having those… I mean, have you been having those shameless, embarrassing, ridiculous dreams about me over and over?”

Milian was still calm.

“Ah, yeah.”

“….”

“Should I have gotten permission first? But there’s no way to do that. And it’d be weird to come to you after and say, ‘Sorry, you appeared lewdly in my dream last night.’”

“You, you…! You really…!”

Reshu recalled the peaceful expression Milian had shown in the auditorium that morning. Their eye contact had lasted just a little longer, but otherwise, he’d seemed perfectly normal. Now that she thought about it, there had been several mornings just like that, where their gaze lingered. 

‘So every time…’

“You’re the worst, Milian Enokten.”

“What?”

“I mean, I mean…!”

Reshu lost her words, then finally shouted as if screaming,

“You should’ve had those dreams after you confessed to me!”

It was an unreasonable complaint, but Milian didn’t resist. He just smiled faintly, playing with Reshu’s hair as he held her. Then he whispered,

“I was going to confess.”

“When?”

“I wrote a letter. When we were freshmen.”

“….”

“But suddenly you seemed cold to me. If someone you don’t like sends you a serious letter, you’d just hate it. So I never gave it to you.”

Now Reshu understood. The letter Milian had been writing on golden-flowered stationery in the summer of their first year, the one he’d written and rewritten, pulling at his hair—it was a confession meant for her.

…And she now knew the contents of the letter labeled ‘To Reshurka’ that had slept in Milian’s drawer.

“I want to read that letter.”

Reshu whispered.

“Okay.”

Milian replied.

“And now, I want to dance.”

Reshu took Milian’s hand.

“We should practice first.”

Milian said that, but still took her hand.

“Let’s practice later, Milian.”

“We should do it now.”

“I want to dance.”

“If we don’t rehearse for tomorrow’s demonstration, it’ll be dangerous. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Milian whispered, stroking between Reshu’s fingers. His deep green eyes gazed at her. Reshu giggled and asked,

“Do you like me?”

“I like you.”

“Just once, then we’ll rehearse for graduation.”

“Just once.”

Milian promised firmly, and Reshu pretended to pout as she asked,

“Don’t you want to dance with me?”

Milian replied urgently,

“I do. …I really do.”

Then the two began to dance without song or music. It was a strange dance no one had ever seen, but somehow, they both knew exactly how to move. Their bodies collided and parted, drew close and parted again, then pressed together once more.

Reshu wanted to pull Milian into her bedroom. She now knew how enchanting his soft laughter was when she whimpered, and how wonderful his gentle yet relentless smile could be.

But that was something they could do after tomorrow. They would live together from now on, and there would be so many new days ahead.

Soon, giggling, the two took up their wand and sword. They stood at opposite ends of the empty auditorium, facing each other. It was their private rehearsal for graduation.