Chapter 12

Elcia’s offhand remark pierced Ian’s heart like a dagger and would not disappear. Her light comfort had dragged out memories he had buried painfully long ago.

“Kayl…a……”

Inside Ian’s chest, a monstrous, wicked feeling began to creep forth.

Why hadn’t Elcia been a member of their Grand Expedition back then? If she—or even just her remarkable rabbit doll—had come along, Kayla might not have lost her life so easily! Even if Elcia hadn’t joined them, if only she’d lent her doll!

He knew.

It wasn’t Elcia’s fault, nor was it the fault of Ian or the other members of the expedition, who hadn’t known of Elcia’s existence at the time. Even though they’d brought the famed Saint and the best healing mage, things had still turned out that way—what could anyone do?

But Kayla had died, regardless. Ian, who had loved her enough to give up everything, was still breathing and living meaninglessly today. Every time hot breath escaped his lips, he felt terrible pain.

“Ugh……”

‘Why are you still alive, Ian Kypris?’

‘For what?’

If only he’d closed his eyes alongside her back then, Kayla wouldn’t have been lonely!

A powerless man who couldn’t even bring back his lover’s body—no, not even a single strand of her hair! Wasn’t it Ian Kypris who’d been dragged out and saved by his companions’ strong hands, fleeing for his life?

Can such a pathetic man be called a Holy Knight? He should die, he should die right now! Even now!

Unable to endure the echoing guilt inside him, he pressed his hands hard against both ears. But the agony that had piled up in his heart for so long flared up like a fire fueled by oil, fiercely crushing Ian.

—Hello? You’re Ian, right? I’m Kayla.

The first meeting with the lovely girl Kayla, who approached without hesitation, smiling and holding out her hand. Ian could never forget that unfamiliar and amazing memory. The moment that intense first meeting turned into a wistful love was truly instantaneous.

—I… want to live as a Saint. So I want to help every pilgrim who comes to the Vanir Church, and even those who live far away. If I can do even more than that, I will! Ian, you’re a knight, so you can understand how I feel, right?

Her vow to walk steadfastly for a noble mission, her refusal of Ian’s passionate love, and the vivid, painful memory of his first love. If only their connection had ended there, it wouldn’t have hurt so much……

—I…an, ugh, save me……

Her confession accepted too late, their two fingers entwined as they promised to run away after everything ended, Ian’s vow before the High Priest to protect the Saint, two promises he failed to keep, her body covered in blood and suffering, and finally, right before his eyes……

“Stop, stop, stop! Stooooop!”

Even with his eyes open or closed, the terrible scene was clear before him, and he screamed in agony. The pain of losing love was something nothing could heal. Ian suffered under the curse he’d bound himself with.

He stomped his feet, threw the parchment on the table with the right hand he’d been told to keep still, and banged his head anywhere he could, but Kayla’s bloody image wouldn’t disappear. The massive pain felt from the back of his head struck him—it was not physical pain, but the aftermath of a deep psychological wound.

With bloodshot eyes, Ian scanned his surroundings and staggered to his feet. He roughly opened the cabinet and searched the empty shelves, but there wasn’t a single bottle of proper liquor. Of course—he’d sworn to quit drinking and ordered everything to be cleared away.

“D*mn it!”

He smashed the glass of the cabinet with his left hand, stepped out of the bedroom, and slammed the door.

Alcohol, he needed alcohol right now.

The only savior that could rescue Ian Kypris was alcohol.

Because of that, the fresh wreath he’d made with Elcia and hung on the door all winter slipped from its nail and fell limply to the floor.

* * *

“……”

「Elcia, Elcia.」

“Mmm… No, it tickles!”

「Foolish Elcia, wake up! It’s time to get up!」

Around three in the morning, Elcia, sleeping soundly, woke up in annoyance as a ticklish bundle of fur pressed her nose and mouth.

The culprit, as expected, was White Bunny. Unlike the quiet Udis, the talkative White Bunny often muttered to itself, and Elcia had worried about this happening.

Angry, she scolded,

“Bunny! I let you stay in the room on the condition you’d behave, so what are you doing breaking your promise? I’ll punish you!”

「Oh, you fool! That Count you like so much! The Count isn’t in his room! It’s been a long while already!」

“What?”

Startled by the unexpected news, Elcia checked her pocket watch. The hour and minute hands pointed to 3:10 a.m. It was much earlier than his usual waking time… but it was too soon to jump to conclusions.

She asked quietly,

“Bunny, do you know where the Count is in the castle…? No, I’ll go with you, so just stay quiet for me, okay?”

White Bunny, unlike Udis, was a special doll imbued with an ancient spirit’s soul. Elcia could always have heartfelt conversations and relied on its judgment at times. But the question she’d almost asked just now would have been too much, considering the location. No matter how urgent, she couldn’t just act as she pleased, ignoring the lord of the castle.

Elcia took a lantern and began searching the first floor of the inner castle slowly. The early morning was so silent it was as if water had been poured over everything; there was no sign of anyone. She checked the long-abandoned banquet hall, the parlor where they’d made the wreath, and the guest rooms, but Ian was nowhere to be seen.

“He’s not here.”

Standing before the kitchen, Elcia hesitated about going inside. At that moment—

「Hmm, hmm. Strange? There’s a suspicious smell coming from here? Is it the scent of a man who’s kept himself pure for years?」

White Bunny, quietly tucked inside Elcia’s robe, pointed not to the kitchen but to the stairs leading down to the basement, giving an important hint. There were no candlesticks on the wall, so the path was pitch dark, but she couldn’t hesitate just because it was scary.

“Thank you.”

Elcia thanked White Bunny and quickly went down the stairs to the lower floor. Even though it was the basement, the air wasn’t too cold, so it was comfortable enough to walk around.

And in the storeroom, filled with bottles and barrels of liquor, she finally found Ian sprawled on the floor.

“L-Lord Ian!”

“Uuugh……”

Her heart sank. Ian, just like the first day she met him, was completely drunk, full of unresolved frustration. Elcia hung the lantern on the wall and hurried to support him.

“Lord Ian, you need to go back to your bedroom.”

“Who… are you?”

The blue eyes she’d loved, always calm even in the winter’s bitter wind, now held only the wretchedness of a drunkard. Ah, where had the Ian Kypris who had made her fall in burning love gone? Why had he reverted to his old self overnight? She hadn’t expected this at all, not even during the regular checkup that morning!

Suppressing the sorrow that threatened to bring tears, Elcia gently coaxed him.

“It’s Elcia, Lord Ian.”

“Elci…? O, o, o. The famous healing mage! The one who’ll shake the whole Empire!”

She was not a healing mage, but a doll mage. And Ian’s tone, no matter how she interpreted it, was mocking, but that wasn’t important now.

“It’s cold. So let’s go back to your bedroom… Kyaa!”

Just like the day they first met, Ian suddenly pushed Elcia down and climbed on top of her.

“Why did you only show up now?”

“What…?”

Confused by Ian’s incomprehensible words, Elcia felt his trembling, drunken fingers stroke her cheek as he asked,

“You… even though everyone else gave up on me, you came after me and said you’d heal my hand. If only you’d shown that kindness a little sooner… How wonderful would that have been?”

“Lord Ian?”

Ian cried out like a lost child.

“Why… why did you only show up now? Why! When my Kayla was dying, covered in blood, why weren’t you there? If you’re so amazing, you should’ve come with me to the entrance of Jotunheim! If I’d met you just a little earlier… Ugh, none of this would’ve happened, it wouldn’t have! Kayla! She wouldn’t have died!”

“……”

She couldn’t reply. Elcia couldn’t offer any words or comfort. How could she answer such words as if nothing were wrong? Tears welled up in her eyes and began to flow sadly down her cheeks as she lay beneath Ian.

Ian collapsed on her chest, crying out in despair.

“You… you… could have done it. You could have saved Kayla! You had the power, so why weren’t you by my side then?”

“I… don’t know…! Why are you saying this to me? Why…!”

What could she say to Ian’s unreasonable accusation? That she, too, wished she’d known him sooner, like the Saint Kayla who’d died? That she wanted to join the Grand Expedition and become a close companion, risking her life with him? That if she’d been his friend, she’d have been even closer to him than Kayla?

If so, could she have taken Ian for herself instead of Kayla? Would she have shattered that immortal love, which now trapped him in agony, and claimed her own happiness?

If not…

Was she supposed to just watch as Kayla and Ian, bound by love, left the Empire together?

Because she was a friend?

Smile kindly and just watch his love to the very end?

‘I can’t! Oh, I could never do that… I couldn’t bear it, I couldn’t be that kind of friend!’

Elcia began to cry even more sorrowfully than the drunken Ian. She’d never expected her hard-earned love to break like this. All the two lovers who had lost their one and only love could do was one thing—shed hot tears to soothe their shattered hearts.

「Ah, how frustrating. What are these two fools doing? Watching this is driving me crazy!」

White Bunny, who had been nestled in Elcia’s arms, suddenly jumped out and covered Ian’s face. The clever rabbit doll stirred up a powerful wave of sleep, putting both Ian and Elcia to rest. Then it hopped up to the first floor to call for help.