Chapter 6 – The Light Behind His Back (Part 6)

“Hey.”

Dowook called her. She heard him but pretended not to. She just wanted to do that. A crack appeared on Dowook’s face, which had seemed cool and emotionless. She could see tension building in his thick lips. She stared at those lips.

‘If you want to know if you can date a guy, think about whether you can kiss him or not.’

She remembered the girls gossiping in the dormitory lounge one day. It had been funny to hear innocent girls, who had never done anything but study, talk about such things.

“Woo Junhee.”

The moment her name was called again, Junhee kissed him. The swing creaked once, moving backward before coming back. She tasted strawberries. She couldn’t tell what his lips tasted like.

She just lightly bit the hot, soft lips. Dowook stood still like a wax figure.

It was funny. She had never seen Choi Dowook like this. She laughed a little and pulled her lips away. She laughed at him right in front of his face.

“What’s this? You said you were curious.”

“…….”

“All I taste is candy….”

Only after meeting his eyes up close did Junhee realize something was wrong. She realized what she had done.

Dowook was still stiff, only staring at Junhee’s face. The distance was too close. She could clearly see the trajectory of his eyes moving slowly over her face.

Junhee’s face stiffened belatedly. Just as she was about to cover her mouth and move away, Dowook grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.

“Oh, Woo Junhee.”

Dowook, who had been expressionless all this time, suddenly laughed.

“You’re terrible at kissing.”

His faintly smiling face looked really thug-like this time.

But his eyes were still intensely black. When she looked at them, everything around her seemed to lose color and form, becoming blurry. Only his presence kept coming at her through those eyes. Eventually, she felt like she was being swept away and becoming faint.

Yes, she hated that she became faint standing next to Dowook. Choi Dowook was tall, had a good build, and was very handsome. He had a lot of money, came from a good family, and was good at studying. Standing next to him made Junhee feel insignificant.

In Nonsan, Junhee was the precious princess of her grandmother and father, and someone admired by the kids at school. She always wanted to shine brightly. But at some point, she started feeling that her light was small and insignificant compared to Dowook’s.

So if you really do like me.

I wanted to laugh at you.

I wanted to laugh and ask why you liked me. Tell you that you’re funny. That I don’t have those feelings for you. That we’re just friends. That you should get over it. That we should pretend it never happened and continue being friends as we have been. I wanted to say those things.

You’ve already surpassed me in so many things and will continue to rise higher, leaving me behind. But I wanted to confirm that I was above you in this way at least.

I was sure of that.

So why did I touch your ear, press your neck, and kiss you?

Suddenly, the black eyes up close and the warm breath touching the tip of her nose felt unfamiliar. Her heart pounded as if it would burst.

Everything visible under the streetlight on that autumn night felt unfamiliar. The moon, the school, the fallen leaves, the playground, the swing, the sandbox, Choi Dowook, the night, even Junhee herself. These were all things she should be familiar with, but they weren’t. Everything around her felt unfamiliar.

Meanwhile, Dowook looked at Junhee with a clear gaze.

For the first time, she thought Choi Dowook was scary. She wanted to run away from all these unfamiliar and frightening things. She wanted to throw away everything that had happened and everything that would happen and just run away. She tried to pull her wrist out of his grasp with all her might.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Dowook gripped her wrist painfully. A crease formed between his eyebrows.

“Where are you trying to hide again?”

Dowook gritted his teeth and spoke. He pulled her wrist harder. She almost stumbled and grabbed the swing’s chain to steady herself.

“I’m sorry.”

The words came out reflexively.

“I’m sorry, Dowook.”

“For what?”

“What I just did to you—”

“Don’t.”

“…….”

“Don’t annoy me.”

“…….”

“Damn it, I said don’t apologize.”

Dowook pulled her body closer and kissed her. Startled, Junhee met his eyes. With his eyes open, Dowook parted his lips and sucked on hers. The sensation of her lips being sucked felt strange.

Even while doing that, his eyes were fixed on hers, and for a moment, Junhee couldn’t comprehend what was happening.

Her lips were sucked, and her tongue was nibbled.

With his tongue pushing into her mouth, a scent filled her senses. It was a scent difficult to describe, unfamiliar and mysterious. When they were very young, he used to smell like burning leaves. But this was more secretive, deeper, and more sensual. It was Dowook’s body scent.

Junhee’s body twitched in response to Dowook’s movements. She gripped the cold swing chain tightly. Dowook, still with his eyes open, entangled her tongue and delved deeper. His jaw opened wide and then closed repeatedly. He sucked on her lips fiercely.

Heat spread in her throat, chest, and stomach. It felt like something inside her was wildly thrashing and twisting. It was such an unfamiliar sensation that she didn’t know what to do. Her head felt hot, and her chest tightened.

A lewd sound escaped through their joined lips. Soon, a dazed feeling enveloped her.

Her strength left her hands and body. As her eyes grew heavy and closed, she thought of her father’s face. She also remembered her grandmother’s smile.

This was a bad thing. Something she shouldn’t be doing. She let go of the swing chain and pushed against his chest.

“Stop. Please. Stop.”

She felt the loud, erratic heartbeat in his chest. She thought that Dowook might be just as confused as she was. But even so, Dowook didn’t let her go. Whether he looked at her or not, Junhee closed her eyes.

“Choi, Dowook. Dowook. Ah. Please.”

She called out to him desperately with her eyes closed. Perhaps her plea reached him because Dowook pulled away. Junhee wiped the long string of saliva from her mouth with her forearm. She quickly stepped back, putting distance between them. She panted, trying to catch her breath.

Dowook stood up from the swing. He walked leisurely towards her, closing the distance. The swing left behind creaked as it moved.

“You, you thug…!”

“Why did you kiss me?”

“…….”

“Why did you kiss me?”

Dowook looked very angry. The streetlight’s shadow covered the contours of his face, making him look even scarier.

“What’s with kissing me and then running away?”

“…….”

“Running away, apologizing, and then what? Pretending it never happened?”

“…….”

“If that’s the case, why did you kiss me?”

No, it wasn’t that. He looked more hurt than angry. His face, twisted in agony, caused a sharp pain in her chest.

“I just, just….”

“Just?”

Dowook repeated her hesitant words. His eyes were still cold.

“You said just.”

He let out a short, incredulous laugh. He laughed several more times.

Then slowly, his laughter stopped. He looked down at her with a blank face. He opened his mouth and then closed it. He looked at her intently, opening and closing his mouth repeatedly. Although his face remained expressionless, it seemed like he was extremely angry or in some sort of despair.

Her chest tightened painfully.

“I just… heard that if you kiss someone, you can tell if you can date them or not.”

Her voice wavered, trembling.

It was embarrassing to say such things in front of Dowook. Talking about kissing and dating. She felt her face heat up. Something kept threatening to burst out from her chest. Once it burst, it felt like something would overflow endlessly. Her heart pounded too fiercely.

“So what’s the answer after trying?”

“…….”

“What’s the answer after trying?”

“…….”

“Woo Junhee.”

“…I still don’t know.”

Dowook suddenly laughed lowly. He clenched his jaw, making the muscles stand out. He glared at her and then turned his head away. He stared at a spot in the air and gritted his teeth. His face was filled with confusion. A pale breeze ruffled his hair.

“Then we should try more.”

Dowook approached her. She could have avoided it, but she didn’t.

Dowook came at her again. This time, it was gentle, unlike before. This time, he closed his eyes. His eyelashes fluttered against her cheek.

His large hand cupped her neck. He lifted her chin and parted her lips. The pressure he applied was gentle and cautious.

She could still push him away, but she didn’t. The trembling in his actions as he licked her lips, tapped her teeth, and touched her tongue was palpable.

It wasn’t like Choi Dowook. For some reason, she couldn’t push away that trembling. She couldn’t push it away at all. The hot breaths falling on her made her forget the cold of the night and the embarrassment.

She gently wrapped her arms around his back. It was firm and warm. She thought of the things that shone endlessly behind that back.

Her heart fluttered. The feeling was like sorrow, excitement, regret, and frustration all at once.

To shake off that strange feeling, she hugged Dowook’s back more tightly. At that moment, she imagined the shining things behind his back pouring onto her. It was just an imagination, but for some reason, it felt overwhelming, and she gripped his back tightly.