Chapter 8 – Bad Girl (Part 5)

At twenty, Junhee failed her college entrance exam. She couldn’t get into Korea University and started preparing for another year at an academy in Nonsan city. She no longer went to Heejeongwon. She stopped taking care of and watching over Choi Dowook and reporting to Song Yeong-joo. She got rid of her phone and naturally ignored his calls.

Her father and grandmother found this strange, but they couldn’t break Junhee’s stubbornness. She thought about telling her father everything and cutting ties with them, but she didn’t. Because she could vividly imagine how much more they would suffer and feel pain than she did.

It wasn’t supposed to be me and my family who had to suffer and feel pain. We did nothing wrong.

But, at twenty, Choi Dowook was dazzling.

Driving an expensive car and wearing a precious watch on his wrist, he still shone brightly. He entered Korea University with outstanding grades, the school Junhee had longed to go to. He got into the department she wanted to enter at once.

I took all his bad luck.

Thinking it was a ridiculous superstition, such thoughts grew in a corner of her mind.

Around that time, her father’s debt from standing as a guarantor for a friend several years ago was discovered by her grandmother. Her father’s friend’s business failed, and the debt entirely fell on her father. Loan sharks even came to the factory, and that’s how they found out.

‘Junhee, don’t worry about anything.’

Her father said, but there wasn’t a single place where money could come from.

With grades like this and the family in this state, was it selfish and immature to desire a university in Seoul? What does it matter which university I get into? If I go somewhere and work hard, live diligently….

She decided to stop preparing for another year and adapt to reality. Even with that decision, it was hard to tell her father because she kept feeling regretful and greedy. While she hesitated like a fool.

Song Yeong-joo extended a helping hand. She offered to support Junhee’s preparation for another year. Although it was a rule that Taesan Foundation’s support ended when one became an adult, she said it was due to the long-standing bond. Considering the deep connection between Dowook and Junhee, she decided to continue supporting Junhee.

Knowing how bright and diligent Junhee had been, she felt very sorry that Junhee had to give up her desired path due to one mistake. So, she said she would personally continue to support Junhee.

Her grandmother shed tears of gratitude. She held Song Yeong-joo’s hands and said, “I will never forget this favor. I will repay it someday, Director.” Song Yeong-joo just smiled benevolently with her red lips.

Before leaving, Song Yeong-joo called Junhee. She approached Junhee, who was standing blankly, and held her hand.

“Now, don’t worry about anything. Just stay close to Dowook and study hard as you want. That’s all I need, Junhee. Can you do that?’”

‘We can just keep her as a mistress. What are you so worried about, Aunt?’

A voice from some time ago overlapped and echoed.

Not knowing anything, her father and grandmother bowed their heads to Song Yeong-joo. Junhee also silently bowed her head. Song Yeong-joo’s gentle hand patted Junhee’s shoulder. With a flawless elegant posture. She should have brushed off that hand. In the end, she couldn’t.

That made Junhee feel miserable. Her chest churned. She felt nauseous.

Once, she had always waited and longed for Song Yeong-joo’s smile, but now Junhee could no longer trust her words and smile. She clenched her fingers that were politely gathered while looking at the ground.

When the college entrance exam was over, when she turned twenty, she intended to answer Dowook’s old question.

‘Get into that Korea University you love so much. I won’t bother you, I’ll disappear, so make sure you get into Korea University. But after the college entrance exam.’

‘If you don’t like it, say no. If you like it, say yes properly then.’

I don’t like you. I hate you. I hate you and your family for deceiving and using me and my family.

Then she imagined Choi Dowook apologizing in front of her. She imagined Dowook kneeling and begging. She imagined herself demanding an apology from Song Yeong-joo and Choi Pil-jae with dignity. She imagined Song Yeong-joo’s face contorting with pain. She imagined Song Yeong-joo’s voice saying, “I’m sorry, Junhee,” in a thin voice. Then she thought her aching heart might feel a little better.

She ran after Song Yeong-joo’s car that was driving away. The car stopped, and Song Yeong-joo got out again. Junhee spoke while panting.

‘ I have something to say to you.’

She wanted to speak in a clear pronunciation and flawless posture like Song Yeong-joo. In front of Song Yeong-joo, Junhee’s lips trembled anxiously. She clenched her fist. She closed her eyes tightly and opened them to steady herself.

My mom’s hearing was a bit impaired, but she wasn’t deaf. She wasn’t completely unable to hear. My dad said she could hear everything with a hearing aid. She could speak well, and her pronunciation was understandable to others, my dad said. Of course, I didn’t see it, but my dad isn’t a liar. So….

She wasn’t someone who deserved to be called a deaf. 

She wanted to say, but her vision kept blurring. Her chest heaved from the sudden run, and she couldn’t breathe properly.

In front of such a Junhee, Song Yeong-joo stood tall and beautiful as always. She looked at Junhee with warm but oddly cold eyes. Now Junhee knew what those eyes meant.

Please apologize. 

Those words didn’t come out in the end. She felt she would cry if she opened her mouth. She didn’t want to show such a sight. She silently bowed her head and turned away. She walked towards home with big strides. She wasn’t running anymore, but her chest heaved from holding back tears.

It would be strange for Junhee to act like this, but Song Yeong-joo just watched her from behind. If Song Yeong-joo, who was always so upright, ran to Junhee and held her. If she would break her composure Junhee, then Junhee thought she would forgive her.

But nothing held Junhee back. She heard the car door close behind her. She heard the engine sound fading away. Tears poured down.

The idea of an apology from Song Yeong-joo or Choi Pil-jae was all a vain delusion. She realized then that such a thing could never happen.

Even when hurt, it was Junhee and her family who had to bow their heads. Knowing they were being used, it was Junhee and her family who had to be used again.

She finally understood the vast height difference between them. She feared the reality that she would never be able to bridge that gap until she died. Her insides twisted painfully, covered in bile.

Now, Junhee hated Choi Dowook.

In front of such a twisted Junhee, he always looked at her with straight, dark eyes.

Dowook couldn’t understand the cold and unfeeling twenty-year-old Junhee. He looked at her, puzzled by her sudden coldness. He made teasing jokes and played pranks, but Junhee no longer responded.

In the end, he got angry. He lost his temper as usual, but when Junhee turned away, he anxiously grabbed her. He suppressed his temper and forced himself to endure, tirelessly finding Junhee in Nonsan.

Because greedy Woo Junhee failed the college entrance exam. Because she didn’t get into Korea University. That’s why she was like this. 

So, he’ll understand her. He’ll wait for her. 

He spoke arrogantly, but his eyes wavered with anxiety. Junhee just looked at those shaking eyes with a cold heart.

He threw down materials from top instructors he had obtained by searching all over Gangnam’s cram school district. He handed her a phone, saying she needed one in case something happened in this rural area at night, even if it was just for calls and texts. He handed her a lunchbox, saying it was ridiculous to care so much about studying while looking like that.

She didn’t take the phone but accepted the top instructor’s materials. She didn’t take the food or accessories he handed her but took the necessary college entrance information.

‘Get into that Korea University you love so much. I won’t bother you, I’ll disappear, so make sure you get into Korea University. But after the college entrance exam.’

‘If you don’t like it, say no. If you like it, say yes properly then.’

She used the heart of the boy waiting for that answer. Some days, she smiled at him, and some days, she acted coldly. Some days, she became the world’s most affectionate friend, and some days, she looked at him with the eyes of a stranger.

Her college entrance exam wasn’t over yet, and because she was hurt like this. 

Because you and your family used me and my family like that. I’m just using you too. 

She thought with a young and twisted heart.

I won’t succumb to superstitions, and I’ll get into Korea University proudly. So after the exam. When I no longer need Song Yeong-joo’s support. I’ll hurt you, who is most cherished by the people of Heejeongwon, the most.

She imagined the boy on that day, but the imagination only hurt Junhee. The feelings that had been tightly wound up broke into pieces in front of him. Those pieces scratched Junhee’s chest, and anxiety grew in the wounded spots.

It was something young Junhee found hard to handle. In that confusion, Junhee wanted to escape.

Using the upcoming college entrance exam as an excuse, she asked him.

‘Let me focus on studying. Please don’t come to see me.’

With eyes burning, Dowook reluctantly nodded after a long time. He looked at her with burning eyes and calmly said, “I’ll wait.”

Junhee’s second college entrance exam ended. Even after the exam, Junhee didn’t meet Dowook.