Chapter 9 – Long Life (Part 1)

When the story of that time ended, Woo Junhee had a sad and painful expression.

“I’m sorry, Dowook.” 

She spoke pitifully and hugged him. She looked at him kindly with tearful eyes. She gently kissed his lips and leaned her head on his chest, hiding her fragile tears.

“You know… I wanted to shine like you. It’s not that you were bad, but that I wasn’t strong enough. I’m sorry for hurting you.” 

Woo Junhee’s voice was soft as she finally opened her heart. Her thin, delicate arms that wrapped around his back were warm.

Holding Woo Junhee, who calmly revealed her innermost thoughts, Dowook scattered kisses. Because of that, Junhee’s story continued slowly and hesitantly. Despite his interruptions, she patiently continued to speak.

She blushed as if embarrassed by Dowook’s endless kisses. Junhee finished her story. She thanked him for listening to her story. With a very humble face, she also thanked him for understanding and loving her. When their eyes met while she was in his arms, she smiled lovingly.

But Dowook knew.

This sorrowful, pitiful, soft, fragile, warm, gentle, kind, patient, humble, and lovely Woo Junhee will soon become the most wicked and cold, selfish woman in the world.

For even the smallest reason, she will sulk and be capricious, becoming the most indifferent woman in the world, throwing him away. She will leave him unattended and shamelessly blame him, and she will not stop her tantrums until he apologizes.

She will torment him out of jealousy just because another woman’s fingertip touched him and will issue arrogant commands. After controlling him like that, when her s*xual desire rises, she will unhesitatingly covet his body and spread her legs promiscuously.

Even after having him, she will not be satisfied and will seek recognition from society and affection from Song Yeong-joo. While striving to keep up with his rising status, she will not tolerate him falling behind and will push him.

Dowook deeply loved the entirety of Woo Junhee, who was the epitome of all contradictions, and he would continue to love her but never fully trust her.

Sometimes, for reasons he couldn’t understand, she would abandon him again. Each time, deep anger would sweep over him, and anxiety would erupt like a seizure. However, each time he thought of having Woo Junhee again, a thrilling sensation would sweep through his heart. His cells would fiercely boil within him.

Ah, thinking of that ecstasy, he couldn’t suppress the smile spreading across his lips. He opened Junhee’s mouth and deeply inhaled the saliva he missed.

***

When she opened her eyes, it was two in the morning. It was still time to sleep more, but she suddenly woke up with an unusually clear mind. Her body felt hot and stuffy. It was because Dowook was tightly hugging her in his sleep.

She had become accustomed to that pressure and didn’t mind it anymore. The night was deep, and with nothing to do, Junhee blinked and stared up at the low ceiling. Then she suddenly started counting the days. 

How many days had it been since he came down to Nonsan? How many nights had they spent like this in this small room? Was it the seventh or eighth night?

Her sense of time was dull. Spending time eating, sleeping, washing, and mingling with him in Dowook’s affectionate embrace for those few days led to this.

She shifted her gaze to Dowook. The surroundings were dark, but she watched him for quite a while. Her eyes gradually adjusted to the darkness, and Dowook’s sleeping face looked peaceful. But the space was too small and cramped for Dowook to stay in. His toes touched the wall. Even so, he insisted on staying here with Junhee.

He loved spending time with Junhee in this house in Nonsan. This space, filled with traces of Junhee from long before he knew her, he liked it. He searched for Junhee’s traces as if on a treasure hunt. He said the sense of confinement, which he couldn’t feel in his house with its high ceilings and large area, especially suited his taste. Dowook acted innocently, as if discovering a new kind of fun for the first time in his life.

Spending time matching his rhythm, Junhee also became an unmistakable idler.

Junhee took her hand out from under the blanket and touched his face. He seemed a bit thinner, and his skin seemed a bit rougher. She didn’t notice it at first, but once she realized it, she kept worrying about it.

Next, she stroked his arm, chest, and waist. Although he still had a large frame and solid muscles, he had definitely lost some weight.

But no matter how much Junhee touched him, the usually sensitive Dowook didn’t wake up. Normally, he would wake up quickly and tease Junhee. He must have been very sleep-deprived. Junhee felt quite upset. 

How did he manage in Seoul, with so much work and not enough sleep?

Looking up at Dowook with pity, she suddenly remembered the time he woke her up with a call saying he was scared out of his mind at a similar hour. It was the day Junhee had said goodbye to him.

It felt like a very distant memory. The exhausted Junhee of that time, her heart that was tired of everything, felt very distant like it belonged to someone else.

The time when Dowook glared at her with hatred, the time when Junhee hurt him and came down to Nonsan, the time when she suffered alone in Nonsan, the time when Dowook returned and gave her his kind and unconditional apology, the time when she accepted him back and reconciled with him—all of these were recent events, yet they felt distant.

How could this be? 

She thought that humans are indeed cunning, selfish, and simple.

‘Stubborn, greedy, capricious, and with such poor memory.’

‘I still love you like crazy.’

She chewed over Dowook’s confession. A faint smile unknowingly appeared on her lips. Then she felt that her thoughtless smile was inappropriate and shameless. Dowook had gone through so much trouble because of her. She hurriedly wiped off the smile. She hugged the sleeping Dowook tightly. She buried her shameless face in his broad chest.

Her heart felt at ease. His embrace was warm and cozy. She was no longer alone.

Despite making such a fuss about wanting to be alone and hurting Dowook so much.

There was no logical way to explain or understand this sudden change of heart. She was just less distressed now than she was then. She wanted to be alone then, but not now. It just happened that way. She couldn’t push away the desperately clinging Choi Dowook this time either.

Maybe for the rest of my life…

A certain premonition flashed through her mind. She didn’t dislike that premonition.

‘Remember. Remember our promise.’

That day, Junhee poured out all the sorrows that had piled up inside her like a dam. His endless apologies and kisses made her do so.

‘You know… I wanted to shine like you. It’s not that you were bad, but that I wasn’t strong enough.’

She hadn’t cried so sadly when she said that. At some point, she was sobbing and pouring out all the stories she had kept in her heart.

She told him how much she envied him. How she missed her father but couldn’t see him, which made her feel stifled. How she resented her grandmother for not listening to her. How she was scared of the sound of the wind and felt frustrated because nothing was going well.

She poured out all the misunderstandings people had about them, the things they said recklessly, her resentment towards Song Yeong-joo, her uncertainty about the future, her fears, and her impatience.

Dowook accepted all of Junhee’s sorrows. Not once did he frown or blame her for being pathetic. His warmth made her cry even more. She repeatedly poured out the stories she had kept deep in her heart.

After pouring everything out, she hugged him and cried. She cried so much that she even hiccupped. Dowook kissed her, kissed her again, and kissed her once more. He agreed with her words, apologized, and held her tightly. It was only after a long time that her tears subsided.

When everything was over, Junhee felt very embarrassed about her appearance. She felt ashamed and awkward. Even though they had been together for a long time, she didn’t want to show him such an embarrassing side. She didn’t need to reveal her ugly inner thoughts to this extent. There was no need to cry like that. 

Dowook found the awkward Junhee adorable. “Why are your tastes like that?” He just smiled smoothly at Junhee’s awkward words. He found her swollen eyes from crying and her flushed cheeks cute. He sucked on her lips as if he couldn’t stand it, making her lips swell too. The sound of kissing filled the room without a break.

He touched the corners of her wet eyes and said,

‘This looks like a cat.’

Then he touched her plump cheeks.

‘This looks like a greedy squirrel.’

Next, he touched her swollen lips.

‘This looks like a chick with many complaints.’

He laughed and continued to attach all sorts of cute things to her. She thought he found everything cute. If left alone, he seemed ready to kiss her hundreds, thousands of times without realizing the passage of time.

Unable to bear the embarrassment, Junhee said, “I’m going to wash up,” and got up to escape. He hugged her from behind. He rested his chin on her shoulder. He overlapped his gaze with hers and tightly interlocked their fingers.

She looked to the side. His eyes traced down her face line. From her forehead to her eyes, nose, lips, neck, collarbone, chest, and then back to her eyes. The emotions in his eyes were deep and intense, as if he would trap her forever in his gaze and then burn her.

With such eyes, he gently hugged her as if fitting her into his body. His chin pressed firmly on her shoulder.

‘I’ll wash you.’