Epilogue 1 – Nights of the Four Seasons (Part 3)

Winter ended. Woo Junhee left Heejeongwon. The strawberry scent that lingered everywhere disappeared. Even when he ordered the servants to bring strawberries and chewed them, it somehow didn’t smell like the scent she used to have.

She said she would come back in the summer.

It’s only March now, summer. Summer, she said.

Young Dowook snorted. 

Why should I wait for a girl like that? I can find other toys in the meantime, and that girl will be forgotten quickly. Why should I listen to her telling me to wait? 

He erased her from his mind.

One spring, while crossing Heejeongwon, he saw the pond rippling in the light breeze. Woo Junhee came to mind unexpectedly. The glittering light on the ripples reminded him of her wavering eyes.

Her eyes wavered dozens of times, whether from hearing harsh words from him, being bullied, or trying to stand up to his half-brothers, nervously checking if he was following well. Her eyes, which always shone brightly, always directed at him.

Suddenly, he thought the flowing time was very tedious.

In various places in Heejeongwon, which his late grandmother had meticulously tended long before he was born, Dowook thought of Woo Junhee.

The girl who made a snowman alone in the front yard of the annex. The girl who solved problems in a workbook, wiping her nose red with a runny nose.

The girl who glanced at him at his scolding, ‘Noisy. Dirty. Don’t even breathe. It’s annoying.’

The girl who cautiously handed over a basket of strawberries, saying ‘Sorry’ in a small voice.

Suddenly, he thought the flowing time was very tedious.

Should I treat her better when she comes next summer? But when is summer coming? Is that girl really coming again? What if she changes her mind and doesn’t come because she’s upset about the things I did to her last winter? I even bought a lot of new game consoles.

He was curious but didn’t ask anyone. Asking such things hurt his pride. It was ridiculous for him, Choi Dowook of Taesan, to wait for a mere girl like that. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t come. I can get other toys.

Nevertheless, when he passed under the big tree in Heejeongwon, he couldn’t help but think of Woo Junhee. He thought of Woo Junhee, who looked up at the small lights hanging on this tree with her mouth agape. His thoughts kept circling around her.

Finally, summer came, and Woo Junhee arrived. Despite all the bullying she endured last winter, she returned unyieldingly, which pleased Dowook. This time, he wanted to treat her better and resolved to do so alone, but it didn’t go as he thought.

Whenever he stood in front of her, he couldn’t speak kindly. Even knowing she disliked it, he teased and bullied her. He hated it when Woo Junhee talked to others who weren’t him. He hated it when she accepted things from others who weren’t him. He hated it when she smiled at others who weren’t him.

Even when he wanted to treat her well, when he faced such moments, he would say nasty things out of habit, according to his nature.

Still, Woo Junhee didn’t leave Dowook. Whenever his half-brothers tried to show off in front of Dowook, she stood in the way, and even after hearing harsh words from him, she worried about him when he was sick and became his playmate when he called.

Dowook liked that. He liked having a complete ally for the first time. He liked her slow and funny dialect. He liked the strawberry scent she gave off.

‘Nonsan strawberries are delicious even in summer.’

Hugging a basket filled with strawberries, her silly bragging was both funny and pleasant. Because she liked strawberries, he came to like them too. Because she toured the garden and pond of Heejeongwon, he followed and toured them too.

Because she was good at studying, he wanted to be good at it too. Because she wanted to get into Korea University, he wanted to get in too. Because she looked up to lecturers with shining eyes, Dowook also wanted to seize that gaze.

‘That teacher is nothing to me. With one word from me, I can make him quit immediately.’

‘What’s “nothing,” what’s “nothing”….’

‘It means he’s nothing special.’

‘I’m not asking because I don’t know the meaning.’

A sigh escaped from Junhee’s small lips as she spoke. 

Funny girl. Annoying girl. How dare she take someone else’s side in front of me.

‘Regardless of private lessons, great is great. That person entered Korea University as the top student. He’s incredibly smart and knows a lot. But he’s only seven years older than us.’

In seven years, I can be like that too. I can be greater than him. Why are you looking at that guy when I’m right here?

His heart twisted. He hated the lecturer who took Woo Junhee’s gaze and he hated Woo Junhee for giving her attention and affection to someone else while leaving him behind.

He wanted to grasp all of Woo Junhee’s attention. He didn’t want to lose it to anyone. So he wanted to surpass Woo Junhee. He wanted to appear as the most amazing and great person in the world to her.

When he finally succeeded, he liked that Junhee set him as her goal, like a star in the sky, and ran towards him. He hoped she would continue to do so. He sat at his desk and solved problems diligently to ensure he remained someone she could only look up to and run to.

He wanted to be better than anyone around her, so he could seize all her attention. He wanted to be the only one receiving her shining gaze.

He slept on time, woke up on time, and ate on time. He ate everything he could find. He wanted to grow much taller and bigger than her. His illnesses decreased. The fever that used to burn his head disappeared, but his chest still burned.

Woo Junhee isn’t here. It’s not summer or winter.

His thoughts still revolved around her. It seemed like they always would.

The girl who only came in summer and winter soon covered all of Dowook’s seasons.

***

Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. He thought of her every night of those seasons. No, actually, it didn’t matter if it was day or night. He doesn’t remember exactly when he started dreaming of Woo Junhee. It was too long ago and too frequent, now just a normal part of his life.

The fantasies were mostly dark and filthy. He often, very often, imagined her n*ked body.

He thought of Woo Junhee n*ked under him, over him, sometimes beside him. In his imagination, Woo Junhee had the perfect adult body. Her curvy figure was incredibly soft and beautiful. She also exuded a subtle, sweet scent like a flower. Even in his dreams, he desired that scent and sucked and bit her body for a long time.

Since she always ate strawberries, is it the scent of strawberry flowers? What do strawberry flowers look like? Since strawberries are red, her flower must be roughly red too. 

He let his imagination run wild.

He ravenously explored that body, which felt like something pure and untouchable.

He raged like a beast in his imagination. He was always desperate and frantic in his imagination.

As if that night was the last, as if he would never see Woo Junhee again after waking from this dream, he clung to her and didn’t let go.

Waking from that fantasy left him feeling dirty. Woo Junhee knew nothing. Only he was like this. He glared at the cloudy, sticky fl*id.

Damn it, you piece of trash.

Even after ej*culating, his er*ect*on didn’t subside, and he wanted to kill it.

You wretched, despicable scum. You d*sgusting, damn idiot. Damn it, how dare you with Woo Junhee.

He felt deep self-loathing. Woo Junhee would talk to him with a face that knew nothing. She would smile at him with a face that knew nothing. Then Dowook felt like he was the dirtiest, most shameless, and useless trash in the world.

Still, he couldn’t stop those filthy thoughts. Riding in a car during the day, listening to a lecture, solving problems at night, chewing food, walking down the street, Dowook thought of Woo Junhee beneath him.

When she ignored him for some unknown reason, his imagination became more frantic and desperate. He bit and licked her neck, arms, waist, legs, stomach, every part. He thrust his p*nis into her.

The moment he slid inside, extreme ecstasy engulfed him. But no matter how much he thrust, his desire wasn’t quenched. Engulfed in a strange and terrible feeling of extreme ecstasy and thirst, Dowook shook his hips violently.

After it ended, the sticky fl*id always clung unpleasantly to his hand. He would fall into self-loathing again and suddenly get angry at Woo Junhee.

He wanted to grab her and ask. 

What did you do to me? Who are you to make me like this? After making me like this, why do you ignore me? 

He wanted to lash out.

But he already knew the answer. Woo Junhee just ate strawberries, nagged, and stayed by his side. It was he who willfully dragged her kind and indifferent self into his heart