‘How much more must I be torn apart before I stop feeling miserable?’

‘How much further must I fall before there’s nowhere left to fall?’

It seems that all her empathy with the believers’ hardships and her blessings for them had been mere pretense.

Now that she had plummeted to rock bottom, she felt she was the most pitiful person in the world.

If misfortune had to come, why couldn’t it come slowly, one by one? How was she supposed to handle it all being poured on her at once?

It had been so foolish to wander around looking for a place to hide.

How stupid she must have looked in Aaron’s eyes.

She was beyond innocent—she was foolish, chasing after clouds in the sky.

“Ah, sob… sob.”

A sharp pain resonated in her heart, and a dull thunder echoed in her head.

If only she had been caught and died at the monastery, she wouldn’t have suffered such humiliation.

The mountains she had to climb ahead seemed too numerous to handle.

But as she thought of giving up, the belief that covered her like skin suppressed the sinister impulse. She firmly tied the strings of her heart, knowing that taking her own life was the one thing she must never do.

“What should I do? Sob… how am I supposed to live…”

Lucilia’s small back trembled incessantly.

After grieving with sobs, she finally broke down in tears.

She couldn’t gauge how long she had been crying.

She thought she heard someone bringing lunch but turning away, unable to enter.

Perhaps they had reported her condition to Aaron.

None of that mattered.

She alternated between despairing over her life and facing reality.

As she was buried in various emotions, her instincts gradually revived.

She focused only on how to escape from the whirlpool rushing to kill her.

By the time she raised her face again, despair had retreated, and a resolute light had returned to her eyes.

* * *

It was late afternoon when Lucilia visited the office again.

She couldn’t surrender because it was too unjust to end her life like this.

‘First, I need to live to find hope or do something.’

“Please tell me if there’s anything you want from me.”

He didn’t meet Lucilia’s eyes.

Following the angle tilted slightly downward, his sculpted nose bridge stood out prominently.

He licked his lips, which still carried the scent of cigars.

“There’s nothing. Since both Tudra and you have become completely mine, I’ll control you when necessary.”

“Do you wish for me to live as if I were dead?”

“My father wished for that. I…”

Aaron rubbed his chin and raised his eyebrows.

He made a “tsk” sound with his mouth.

“Still, I’d prefer if you kept breathing.”

While ultimately it was a statement that allowed her to breathe, it came after draining the listener’s energy.

Though it lacked sincerity, at least it wasn’t hopeless.

She thought this incident might bring vitality to her miserable life, so there was no need to be completely discouraged.

Lucilia decided to resolve her curiosity first.

“May I ask for one favor?”

“Go ahead.”

“I’m curious about why the papal office excommunicated me. I’m also curious about what happened between my father and His Holiness the Pope. And…”

“And?”

“I’d also like to know… about Sir Blio, the holy knight. Would that be possible?”

At the sudden mention of a man, a subtle irritation settled around Aaron’s eyes.

An extraordinary energy emanated from him. Though there was no particular reason to harbor murderous intent, he looked ready to finish someone off.

The gaze that fixed on Lucilia’s hesitant lips was also sharp.

“Who did you say?”

“Well…”

“I’m asking because I couldn’t hear clearly.”

He seemed to have heard all too well.

No matter how much Aaron hinted his displeasure, she really wanted to know about Raphad’s recent situation.

Where was Raphad, the holy knight who had protected the saint, when she was being chased from the monastery?

Had he hidden himself, unable to join the Templar Knights because he couldn’t bear to arrest her?

All sorts of thoughts crossed her mind.

Lucilia spoke honestly, hoping he would grant her request.

“Sir Raphad Blio. He was the knight exclusively assigned to guard me since the year I was elevated as a saint.”

“Ah… you mean that pale-looking gentleman.”

Is Raphad pale-looking?

Come to think of it, he did have a delicate face for a man.

She had often heard rumors that noble young ladies secretly pined for him. They said they would have courageously proposed if he weren’t a holy knight, and that the impossibility made them desire him even more.

Lucilia nodded as she recalled Raphad.

“Yes, that seems right. Anyway, as you know, I’ve had no news of him since leaving the monastery.”

“He belongs to the papal office, so naturally there would be no news.”

“Raphad is different.”

Just because someone belonged to the papal office didn’t mean they had to harbor hostility toward Lucilia. Especially Raphad, who was upright and righteous by nature—he would believe she had suffered an injustice.

Clearly, some unavoidable circumstance had prevented him from appearing. For instance, being imprisoned by the Pope’s order or something similar.

When she called the holy knight’s name, Aaron rubbed his furrowed brow with his index finger and smirked.

Feeling she might have answered too naively, Lucilia quickly composed her excited demeanor.

“You might be right. But since we were especially close, he might have left some final words for me. If I could get in touch with him, I’d at least like to exchange farewells.”

“I can’t promise, but I’ll look into it.”

“Really? Thank you.”

Lucilia’s face finally brightened as she waited for his answer with mixed feelings of expectation and worry.

Aaron was quite displeased not only by how naturally she called him “Raphad” but also by her attitude of not knowing what to do with her excitement.

He could have simply refused if he didn’t like it, yet he had agreed to her request like a pushover.

Her eyelids were still red when she entered the office, probably from crying upstairs. Yet here she was, smiling at the mention of the holy knight.

It was puzzling why her lovely smile irritated him.

He should be the one smiling, considering that by simply taking care of Lucilia, the land of Tudra would naturally roll into his possession.

Self-deprecating his own wavering state, Aaron shared some of the facts she was curious about to clear his thoughts.

“You wanted to know how you came to be excommunicated, right?”

“Yes. Do you know?”

“Having stayed in the monastery all along, you probably didn’t know the detailed circumstances. After you became a saint, there was some kind of deal between the Marquis and His Holiness.”

“What kind of deal?”

“At His Holiness’s request, the Marquis institutionally blocked the construction of new temples for the new religion to propagate the old religion. Naturally, this strengthened His Holiness’s position.”

“And what did my father receive in return?”

“According to the papal office, there was a divine revelation that the ‘Sword of Blood’ was bestowed upon Marquis Teneri.”

“And… then?”

Her saliva caught in her throat at the realization that an enormous truth was hidden.

A chilling intuition swept down her spine that she, as a saint, was not a blessing but a curse of greed.

“The papal office declared that the country must be protected with the ‘Sword of Blood,’ and thanks to that, your father gained control over the military forces of the Kingdom of Caldman.”

She was speechless. It meant that her father had enjoyed all sorts of wealth and honor by taking control of the military.

She had been too young then, and having entered the monastery right away, she didn’t know the ins and outs of how her family operated.

She had only understood it as her family wielding influence as the house that produced a saint.

“During normal times, each territory was given its own authority as per the original system, but in emergencies, the Marquis, as the commander, would summon and oversee the military. At that time, the old religion’s influence was sky-high, so His Majesty had no choice but to find a compromise.”

The authority of her father, who had seized military power, and the Pope had surpassed the royal authority.

It was a stroke of luck that they hadn’t been branded as traitors all this time.

It was shameful to realize that the elevation of her family’s prestige during her father’s generation was not the product of effort.

She knew that the Teneri family had benefited from the achievements of the knighthood led by Aaron. That’s why she felt sorry to face him.

“I can’t tell you the deeper details, but this was roughly the situation.”

“Haa… I see. Thank you for letting me know.”

“There’s one painful thing to mention.”

He cut off his words and scratched the surface of the teapot with his index finger. He seemed to be choosing what expression to use.

Lucilia took a sip of herbal tea to moisten her throat, which had dried from anxiety.

“The Marquis abandoned you to protect his own life.”

Lucilia’s hand slipped as she was about to take another sip, spilling the tea.