The letter Louis sent Anais once more came back to him.

It was a letter telling her that Emily’s health took a critical turn. It carried a request, asking to stop by Solean where she was, once Emily passed, so they could talk.

Louis’s expression darkened the moment he saw the returned letter. This was not the kind of complete estrangement he wanted from Anais. She was treating him like a stranger, as though his marriage made him one.

He considered the possibility that it was the unilateral doing of that maid, Lily, who never cared for him. Anais would not have refused if Louis said he was coming to her rather than asking her to come to him. He wanted to believe that. Even knowing Lily had no right to refuse his letters on her own.

He rushed into the marriage because of Anais’s own marriage prospects. From the moment suitor profiles began flooding the capital Bellini estate, sent by gentlemen and by Viscount Bellini himself, Louis felt like he was going out of his mind. He could not bear the thought of her marrying first while he remained alone in the Bellini estate.

For all those years, the only reason he could not bring himself to leave the Bellini estate was Anais, and Anais alone. Viscount Bellini always disapproved of Anais’s inability to let Louis go, and naturally disliked Louis as well.

Whenever they crossed paths, he could feel the contemptuous gaze fall on him, yet he could say nothing. The warm eyes that once held him as a child and urged him to grow up quickly and stay by Anais’s side vanished a very long time ago.

Every time that gaze landed on him, Louis felt the weight of his own position. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, he would never be allowed to stand at her side.

He could not bear to watch from a place he could never reach, looking on as she stood beside someone worthy of her. He knew it would make him want to die.

He endured beside Viscount Bellini, who despised him, entirely because of Anais. He could have left. But he could not take his eyes off Anais, growing more beautiful with each passing day.

Louis could only watch Anais from a distance. Sometimes even staring was a sin. The moment anyone else’s eyes turned his way, Louis had to drop his gaze from Anais, bow his head, and lower himself. Not like a gentleman. Like a servant.

Even when she looked at him and smiled sweetly, he could not reach out. Unlike the past, when he could take her hand, cup her cheek, feel the warmth of that soft skin, steal a kiss from her lips whenever he wanted, as much as he wanted.

Because Anais was Viscount Bellini’s only daughter, a noble lady, and he was now a servant of low standing, waiting on the Bellini household.

And on top of that, Anais no longer looked at him with only affection. A measure of pity, tenderness, guilt. Every time he caught those feelings layered behind her affection, it suffocated him.

Please. Don’t look at me like that.

So he ran. Emily said she wanted to spend her final days in the place where she lived with her mother, who was once a nursemaid, and Louis agreed. And there was something he never told anyone.

The truth was…… he was curious. He wanted to know how Anais would react to the news of his marriage.

Anais, who looked on the verge of breaking, never broke. She hid the expression that made him feel triumph and defeat at once, and when she heard that Emily’s childhood home needed repairs, she sent people to fix it up.

She wished them a happy life, but she did not attend the wedding. Strangely, that put him at ease.

He thought leaving and not seeing her would make things better. He thought if she disappeared from his sight, he might get over it quickly.

That was just his arrogance. Louis thought of her far more, and far longer, than he ever did at the Bellini estate. Just like now.

What cut through his deepening thoughts was a soft voice calling his name.

“Mr. Carter.”

“……”

“Mr. Carter?”

“……Oh. Yes.”

Louis answered the address he still could not get used to, and his gaze moved to the doctor who came to see Emily.

“How is Emily doing?”

“……I would ask that you make her final time as comfortable as possible. I am truly sorry to have to say this.”

“No, I understand. Thank you for your hard work, Doctor.”

Louis saw the doctor out and walked toward Emily’s room. Emily never had much time left to begin with.

She seemed to be crossing the threshold of death. Her body, even more skeletal now, barely more than bone, the hollowed look around her eyes, the ragged metallic sound of her breathing. He walked slowly to her and sat in the chair at her bedside. Emily looked at him and managed a faint smile, then reached out her hand. He took it.

“……Louis.”

“Yeah.”

Emily drew several rough breaths, coughed repeatedly, then continued. They both knew the end was near.

“Don’t stay here. Don’t give yourself more to regret. Settle things here and go to Miss. Tell her honestly how you feel. This is my dying wish, Louis.”

“Emily……”

Can I really go, Emily?

Louis’s head dropped.

What would I even say? I’m nothing. I can’t confess my feelings now, not after all this time. All I ever did was hurt her.

He found comfort in knowing Anais’s gaze always stayed on him, and at the same time felt an unbearable self-loathing for finding comfort in that.

There was a time he believed she would look at him forever. Anais was kind. She was not someone who could easily let go of a person she cared for. He thought that even if she married another nobleman, she would keep only a proper, measured distance in that marriage. That was what he told himself.

Emily stirred her fingers slightly, reading his thoughts, and parted her lips.

“Louis.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you happen to know if Anais has been seeing someone lately?”

Louis’s head snapped up. Anais was someone who, all throughout her life, never had any real connection with anyone else. He clearly remembered how her friends, the ones who used to visit the Bellini estate, looked at him.

They were ladies who believed Anais was living like she would never love another, and that it was all because of Louis. He never forgot the sharp edge in their eyes. Anais knew all of it and still shielded him, and never got close to anyone. She always did that, for Louis’s sake.

And now Anais was seeing someone……

“Anais is…… seeing someone?”

He stumbled over the words, and a heavy sigh escaped Emily’s lips.

Back when she was a little healthier, Emily once advised him to run away with Anais. It was something Louis could not even imagine.

Running away with Anais would not have solved anything. She grew up her entire life as the precious daughter of the Bellini viscountcy. It sounded to him like nothing more than ruining the life of a woman born to nobility. He did not have that in him.

“You didn’t know.”

Anais was not someone who could be with just anyone. Like him. They spent their whole lives together since childhood. Anais’s gaze never once strayed from Louis. He thought perhaps it never would. She even came all the way to the capital alone, just to avoid marriage, just to avoid being pushed out by Viscount Bellini.

Viscount Bellini wanted Anais to marry, but Anais refused. When Anais carefully brought up the idea of marrying Louis, Viscount Bellini locked her in her room.

The Anais who emerged days later had empty eyes and said she wanted to go to the capital. When Louis said he wanted to go with her and serve at her side, Viscount Bellini gave him a warning.

Make her give up on you. That is the only thing left for you to do. I have waited long enough, so now leave. If not, Viscount Bellini would never have allowed Louis to go to the capital.

Emily, who came into his life around that time, became a convenient solution. Their feelings and intentions aligned, and they decided to leave together. Louis always felt afraid in front of Anais. The thought that he became something lesser than her gnawed at him for a very long time.

For Anais too, Louis could not have been someone she could easily forget. There was no way.